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Blue eyes crying………
I received a comment on a post recently that said, “Your life looks almost perfect”. And I am so grateful that most of the time, it feels almost perfect—-except for when my heart is broken. Like today, when the tears would not stop flowing. And even as I type these words, I get that same tightening in the back of my throat. All summer I keep pretending that they aren’t leaving, that something will miraculously change and my precious little status quo will be preserved. But the walls swiftly close in. Time marches on, with no regard for this uneasy pit in my stomach and the nagging ache in my soul.
It dawned on me today…….that maybe that’s why I paint with blue these days. Shades of blue to comfort this veil of tears that seems always on the horizon. And this vintage, grandmotherly fabric reminds me that I’m not the first to walk this mother journey. I remember recovering this chair when they were little—I took their pictures while they sat eating breakfast—– on the first day of school—-he was 7, she was 6. They had yet to know true heartache. Today, I recover it and pray. That God will comfort us as we learn to live and love in a different way.
I remember that despite our sin and failure, Christ clothes us in His love and forgiveness—-He covers our frailties. He makes all things new.
They won’t sit at my table every night for dinner. My days of feeding them are numbered. And as I hang beautiful blue plates on the wall, I mourn the chairs that will soon sit vacant. I fight against the tides that threaten to wash over me. I splash water on my face again, pull myself together say that they won’t be far away. Just farther than ever before. Children are ours but for a time—-to nurture, to love, to shepherd—and then we must give them back.
And as I searched in vain for one last plate hanger, I looked at my almost finished wall, and thought, it’s perfect for now. It’s just like me. Somethings’ not quite right.
Sometimes as hard as we try, there are no answers. Only tears. And one incredible Savior who has gone before us, given us meaning in our suffering and hope in our despair. He says
Come to me, all you who are weary and heavy-laden and I will give you rest for your souls.
I found myself humming this song all day—just like my daddy used to. A day for tears all around, I guess.
Comments closed~~thank you for your prayers.
What I love about summer…….
Cousins, sisters, brothers, and sparklers….
art camp
teenagers, who love to have fun……..
and eat everything in sight (I see you back there, Nicholas)
smelly, adorable, water-loving, did I say SMELLY? dogs
fireworks and cul-de-sac bonfires
family reunions
Mr. Sandman
Shaving creams parties
with friends
or is it shaving cream fights?
pool side tea parties
neighborhood block parties…(in July and it’s even cool enough to knit—I never knit in July)
hula-hoops
nanny-nanny-boo-boo’s
and food……let’s see there’s peach-blackberry pie
watermelon……lots and lots of watermelon
zuccini tart
rainbow cake (recipe here)
with friends to share it with…..
and plenty of time for home projects…….hmmmm….what shall I paint next?
On the agenda today,
1. Continue to ruthlessly de-clutter the school room. (It almost looks normal again)
2. Cousin Marlea comes to visit, plan to make these when she gets here.
3. Continue to pour over this website as we prepare for some curriculum changes.
4. Recover a chair
5. Read more of Plato and start The Secret Life of Bees.
6. Make chimichangas with peach-mango salsa for dinner.
7. Begin making the list for the 1000 things I must do before we leave for vacation to the MN northwoods.
Grace Notes
1. First, let me start with this post, which was written months ago, but has left my mind reeling today. I’ve been thinking about this topic alot and I’m sure I’ll feel the need to write about it soon. Ann, author of the blog Holy Experience, is a beautiful crafter of words, and has a way of sharing her heart that is rare and inspiring. This is a must read for any blogger. Or any person who has a story to tell.
Now on to lighter subjects:
2. This just so happens to be a peek at my new living room. I’m not ready for a complete reveal, but I thought I’d show you a close up of the silverleaf cocktail table that had been $4000 which I purchased for $359. This room is shaping up to be my favorite room EVER, but I’m struggling to add some vintage to the mix. Right now, it’s a little too ‘uncluttered’ for me.
3. In other blogland love, I thought you’d enjoy this little girl’s room remake as much as I did. Kelly (one of my rare real life friends who blogs) made that ‘chandelier’ out of a planter and some Christmas lights and her husband crafted the bed. Go see the before picture. You’ll love her stuff.
4. ANd I’m swooning over this room from Cottage Livings’ website. Swooning I tell you. I love this color. I want to paint my DR and alleged craft room this color. Then I want to swim around in a vat of it.
5. And last but not least, let me introduce you to my new favorite blogger, Meg. She found my site somehow and left a sweet comment, so I clicked over to properly ‘meet’ her and immediately knew we should have coffee and go fabric shopping. Her photography is todiefor and her house is a creative masterpiece. I’m currently making the cutest rainbow cake I found on her site and hoping for a little time tonight to ‘comb’ her archives. Have you ever gotten ‘lost’ for periods of time in someone’s archives? Yeah, me too. You should visit her if you haven’t already. Y’all probably already know her and if you do, I’m gonna be mad you didn’t tell me about her. Mmmmkay?
6. Oh and for your spiritual edification, there’s this audio clip about The Gospel Driven Church. Micheal Horton is interviewed by Todd Wilken. It’s worth your time!
Now I’m done. Have a great weekend!
Thanks to Jeanie for my title ‘Grace Notes’.
Peacock Blue and Painting
I’m a walking fandeck of paint colors this morning. I have white on my arms, blue in my hair and stain on my nails. My LR walls are white-ish and my trim is just a ‘hair’ darker than that. I love the subtle contrast. I’ve been pouring through my beloved stack of Cottage Living Magazines for ideas. Their website is also still somewhat functional and I found this segment reassuring (on color trends) as I was painting my armoire peacock blue. Apparently, peacock blue is ‘in’.
And I can see why. I am drooling over this armoire right now. Actually, I’m still antique-ing it with glaze to achieve just the right ‘this armoire is really old’ effect, but the color against the white-ish walls is enough to make you go weak in the knees.
I’ve got a blank canvas this morning. A fresh start. Did I say that I love the trim and the mantle being a teeny shade darker? Paint colors and details to follow. For now, I must focus the ADD monster in me and keep working. I also found this delightful picture on the CL website and I must say that my craft room (which is still only a figment of my imagination) is begging to be ‘coral pink’. 
TTFN!
BTW, my basement and dining room look like a cross between Goodwill and TJ Maxx! I should start a little boutique!
Grace abounds……or finding grace……or gracefully searching…..
My way of saying ‘bird watching’ or ‘linky love’. Please name this post. You must use the term ‘grace’ in your entry. I will use this post a few times a month to show you great stuff I’ve found on the internet, but you must help me name it. Come on, be creative. Or at least enjoy these links!
1. I will certainly be ordering this sign. I found it here. Great blog too!
2. I went to a homeschool conference yesterday for the sole purpose of buying books without tax or shipping and at 10-20% off. I took Nicholas and the girls with me. Nicholas was wearing a DEEP cut V-neck t-shirt with a skull on the front. He had his hat on sideways and wore Caiti’s very large white sunglasses. Did I mention this was a homeschool conference? Yeah, I was sure we were gonna be kicked out. But I managed to buy this book. You MUST read this if you interested in education. My blog friend Jessica introduced me to this Thomas Jefferson Education with this audio file. PLEASE, you must listen and read. It will change the way you look at your children’s education.
3. My friend Patty has a blog. And she is such a good writer and such a good mother and such a good friend. She brought me the yummiest plate of chocolate chip cookies last week and sends me the sweetest, encouraging emails. You’ll love her writing, especially this post she wrote on ‘Daughters’.
4. Most of you know of my love for the christian talk radio show, IssuesEtc. Steve and I subscribe to the show through iTunes (or our iPhones) and listen ‘on demand’ (whenever we want). I usually listen in the mornings when I’m doing morning chores or as I sit and watch the kiddos play in the pool. This show has radically changed my life. It’s intensely Christ-centered and cross-focused and has been a major part of my on-going ‘educational pursuits’. Their one year anniversary (of producing the show on their own) is this Tuesday. We’re planning to celebrate with them ‘online’ since we procrastinated too long to fly to St. Louis. They recently interviewed Pastor Bryan Wolfmueller on Evangelism based on an article he wrote on the topic. Fascinating stuff! You may listen here.
5. And last but not least, my favorite ‘painted patio furniture’ link from my recent link party was Mandi’s. You’ll love her and her blog! Thank you Mandi and thanks to all of you who participated.
~~Update on the Verity: I followed them to lunch yesterday but I did have a legitimate reason: Taylor forgot his swim trunks. I gave a few last hugs and left, before I cried again. They made to SC and seem to be doing just fine. Breathe. Just breathe. Emme has decided to wear The Verity t-shirt to bed every night until they get home…..so we’ll remember to pray for them. Not that there was any danger in this momma forgetting!
I promise to stop stalking them now, but I’m so happy that one of my blog friends might be able to spy on see them in Ohio.