Taylor's senior year

Just like that……..

May 19, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth 18 Comments

they’re gone

Kite by U2

Something is about to give
I can feel it coming
I think I know what it is
I’m not afraid to die
I’m not afraid to live
And when I’m flat on my back
I hope to feel like I did

And hardness, it sets in
You need some protection
The thinner the skin

I want you to know
That you don’t need me anymore
I want you to know
You don’t need anyone
Or anything at all

Who’s to say where the wind will take you?
Who’s to say what it is will break you?
I don’t know, which way the wind will blow

Who’s to know when the time has come around?
Don’t want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

It’s summer, I can taste the salt of the sea
There’s a kite blowing out of control on the breeze
I wonder what’s gonna happen to you
You wonder what has happened to me…

I’m a man, I’m not a child…
A man who sees
The shadow behind your eyes

Who’s to say where the wind will take you?
Who’s to say what it is will break you?
I don’t know, where the wind will blow

Who’s to know when the time has come around?
I don’t want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye

Did I waste it?
Not so much I couldn’t taste it
Life should be fragrant
Rooftop to the basement

Thank you Hopefull, for this song!

One mama’s journey through goodbye…..

May 2, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth 29 Comments

Edited to add: I’m linking this post with Emily’s Tuesdays Unwrapped so welcome to all you friends of Emily. She’s the best!

It’s been a busy week for our family as we anticipate the fast approaching graduation of my son, Taylor. He was honored with many of his classmates this week as being among the class to receive more honors and scholarships than any other class in the history of West High School.

He graduates with first honors….with a weighted GPA above 4.0 (I’m still not sure how that’s possible)

and will attend East Tennessee State University on a music and academic scholarship, while his best friend Andrew was honored with all the same acolades and will attend King College (only about 20 miles from Taylor’s college) on an academic and cross country scholarship.

He was honored as a member of Who’s Who and was recognized as the male ‘senior of the year’ by his music teacher for his participation in Chamber Choir. It makes a mama proud. And brings a mama to tears. (and in retrospect, makes a mama wish she had insisted on that hair cut)!

To top off the week, his band, The Verity, was invited to play at the World’s Fair Park last night in Knoxville. The girls and I met my mom, my nieces and my nephew to tour the Sunsphere and enjoy downtown Knoxville before the concert started.

My mother’s best friend from childhood, whom I also call my 2nd mom, is the owner of the historic Thackston School, which burned a few months back and had to relocate the Holiday Inn Convention Center; conveniently located about 50 yards from the World’s Fair ampitheater. Her son, John, just happens to have the best view of Knoxville, with his office in the top of the Sunsphere. Needless to say, it was a fun field trip.

This is the view of the ampitheater from John’s office.

So, despite the intermittent rain, we had a ball.

I think the boys did too. This was a beautiful venue.

Everything these days is covered with a haze, a mixture of sadness and joy. I’m filled with pride and yet, always on the verge of tears. I feel so blessed to take this journey with him and still apprehensive that when the time comes for me to step off the trail, I won’t be ready. He won’t be ready.

I know that this is only the beginning for him. The world lies in wait; ready to embrace another generation of our youth. It’s my job to let go, to give him gladly to a world that is hurting and in need of strong minds and compassionate hearts. And I will find a way to let go.

Because deep down, I know that what we give away from open hands and hearts, always comes back to us. The sadness turns to joy. The tears are a baptism of sorts. Drowning out the need to control….to hold too tightly. It is necessary for this goodbye—-this death to the way things have always been—before new life can spring forth.

I will say goodbye to this way of life. To this way I have mothered you. But I will not say goodbye. I will hold you in my heart always. Rejoicing with you in your joys. And bearing your burdens with you in my heart….and on my knees. I will be here for you. Always.

Where angels fly

April 26, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth 24 Comments

I had every intention of showing you my ‘redecorranged’ bathroom today. It’ll have to wait. My son, who is JUST FINE, was hit by a drunk driver on the interstate late last night. He walked away unscathed from a potentially life-threatening accident. That kind of news changes your plans. It changes the way you look at your children. It changes the color of the dogwoods. It makes all things new.

Taylor,

May I never take for granted the strum of your guitar,

the strength of your beliefs,

the things that remind me of the little boy in you,

the amazing songs you write,

those baby blues,

and the sweet sound of your voice.

God has given me a gift. I am blessed beyond measure to be your mother. And I see you with new eyes today. I will pray for you from a vulnerable heart. I will cry tears of joy and purpose to be thankful.

And when the time comes—- and it’s coming very soon—-to let you go……..

I will remember that you are the Lord’s planting……entrusted to me but for a little time. May he multiply the days, restore the years, keep you safe and give the growth. And may you become ‘an oak of righteousness’ for His sake and His glory. Strong and true.

I couldn’t be more proud. Love you long time,

Mom

I’ll end this emotional day by playing this song for Taylor and Caiti that I used to sing to them every night before bed.

Prom Night and fighting back tears……

April 19, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth 12 Comments

I cried silent tears at least half the way home from Cincinnati today.

I know it should be a fun day.

A day filled with joy.

And it would be…..if this weren’t another ‘last’.

So, I listened to Matt Kearney sing ‘Breathe In, Breathe Out’……

and I sighed heavy and remembered how

blessed I am to be a ‘joyous mother of children’.

(Press play to your right and you can go down that weepy road with me)

Breathe in, breathe out

Tell me all of your doubt

everybody bleeds this way, just the same

Breathe in, breathe out

Move on and break down

If everyone goes away

I will stay

We push and pull

And I fall down sometimes

I’m not letting go

You hold the other line

‘Cause there is a light

In your eyes, in your eyes

Hold on and hold tight

From out of your sight

And everything keeps moving on

Moving on

Hold on and hold tight

Make it through another night

And everyday there comes a song, with the dawn

We push and pull

And I fall down sometimes

I’m not letting go

You hold the other line

‘Cause there is a light

In your eyes

in your eyes

Yeah, there is a light

In your eyes

In your eyes.

Breathe in and breathe out

Look left, look right

To the moon in the night

And everything under the stars

Is in your arms

‘Cause there is a light

In your eyes,

in your eyes

Yeah, there is a light

In your eyes

Breathe in and breathe out

Breathe in and breath out.

Welcome back!

April 13, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth 21 Comments

A few things I learned during my comment-fast:

1. As soon as I typed the words “I’m closing my comments during Lent”, I instantly regretted it and wondered if I’d be able to hold out for forty days. I knew it would change blogging for me. I knew it would help to clarify the ‘medium’ of blogging—that it would solidify in my mind the fact that this medium is not neutral. It conveys certain information better than others. It favors short inspirational blurbs and beautiful photographs. There are temptations lurking everywhere but especially those that threaten to steal our time. Time that might be better spent with our ‘in-the-flesh’ family and friends or reading a great book or serving our neighbor. I developed a healthy ‘detachment’ during the Lenten season that enabled me to step back and regroup. That said, I still love this community. I still love to write.

2. Who knew that with the closing of comments would come a curious case of writer’s block? Apparently your feedback motivates and inspires me to write—and without it, I don’t seem to be bringing my A game. So, I’m glad you’re back. I’ve missed your encouragement. Maybe I’ll get my ‘mojo’ back.

3. I have used the ‘extra’ time I’ve had productively. Be patient as I readjust and try to hang on to the balance and priorities I nurtured during Lent. Inevitably something suffers when we try to ‘do it all’.

4. This ‘fast’ of sorts helped to set the rhythm for Lent and even if just in a teeny way, was a good exercise in denial of the flesh. The flesh wants to be gratified…..instantly……in every way. And sometimes just the smallest denial is enough to gain momentum against its onslaught. Do I think I became more ‘spiritual’ because of this. Absolutely not. If anything, I became more keenly aware of how weak and undisciplined I can be. Thanks be to God that He has given salvation to us freely through faith in Christ. When I am weak, He is strong.

In other news, I decided to forego the expensive and generic senior pictures/senior announcements and do it on my own. I did a little photo shoot with Taylor and got some great pics to use for his open house invitations and his announcements……

this one’s my favorite

I’ve also been FRETTING over paint colors for a week. I’m still not exactly sure what I’m choosing…..but when I go to Lowe’s at 7 am, I’m sure I’ll pick the right cabinet/wall/ceiling colors for my kitchen. By the time you read this, it’ll be too late for you to help me but I’ll be sure to show you the progress!

One more thing. We are going to the Midwest Homeschooling Convention later this week. I’m so excited to hear Susan Wise Bauer, Jim Weiss, Jay Wile, Mark Hamby and others. Do you have any advice for me? Have you ever been or better yet, are you gonna be there? Are there any other speakers that I must hear?

So now it’s your turn. If you’ve never introduced yourself before, I’d love to hear from you. If you’re an ‘old friend’, then reassure me that I can make it through this week; I’m having some painting done in my kitchen, going to Cincinnati for the homeschooling convention, and my two teenagers are going to prom this Saturday!!!

Eat your heart out Kevin Bacon……..

April 6, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth 2 Comments

7 things I need to tell you about the choir concert

1. Taylor had a solo singing ‘Footloose’. He did an excellent job and even threw in a few ‘moves’. I use the term ‘moves’ loosely.

2. This year has been wonderful because Taylor and Caiti have been in the same choir, along with their dearest friends, Andrew and Kaley! I think this eases the pain of wearing ‘choir’ clothes and dancing onstage to ‘Footloose’.

3. I love any activity that’s equally as fun for an 8 or 18 or 80 year old.

4. Taylor had a spring in his step when he realized that Morgan had driven from Kingsport to see the performance.

5. Watching the kids perform always sends me soaring with pride. As does the fact that Taylor just received a choir scholarship from ETSU!

6. Taylor’s band is vying for a position to sing at a large christian festival in the summer. If you go to The Verity’s myspace page, you can help them by voting for their band. (You can vote once a day until May 25)

7. Despite the fact that I have known for 18 years that Taylor would be graduating from high school at this very time in history, this event seems to have me perplexed and bewildered; as if it were totally catching me off-guard. I am frozen with fear. I think that actually finishing his scrapbook or video would seal his fate in my mind. As long as I’m not done with my projects, he can’t graduate. Or move off to college. Right? So I playfully work on them both as if I have all the time in the world. Presently, ‘all the time in the world’= 47 days.

And here’s a big scary hug and smooch to you for all your kind comments on the last post—which put me into a state akin to a hummingbird on caffeine; yet more proof that closing comments for Lent has been much needed practice in humility.

I told you it was scary!