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life{in}grace

live with more presence, passion, & purpose

macdaddy

The Fall

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I don’t know if I’ve ever told you about this place. A magical little sanctuary that Stevie labored countless months and years over. A quaint little cottage that he had built for us in the middle of beautiful mountainous country, with a spring fed pond he researched and designed and personally stocked with all kinds of fish and a water trampoline. Paradise. Or pretty close.

Someone decided to trample on our dreams. They came in and took nearly everything ‘but the kitchen sink’ and this little sign.

Our little slice of Eden went from this….

to this…..overnight. And ditto for every other room.

We made the hours’ drive in a somber state of disbelief. We spent the day sifting through broken glass and precious memories. I guess the parallels are endless, but this is what happens in Eden. Everytime. The dream is fleeting. Paradise eludes us. At least for now.

But there is something about suffering that brings joy. And my words will fail to communicate what happened in my heart yesterday. But God is faithful. His mercies are new every morning. Reaching in to give us hope, and life, and salvation.

I am His child.
And He has not left me alone.
He will restore Eden. In His time.

This song is dedicated to a man whose strength continually surprises me, whose love is redemptive and whose compassion for my ever present tears these days is heroic.

We will get through this. All of this. Together.  And when I count my blessings, you are first in line.

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Thank you for all the kind thoughts and prayers I know you’re sending our way!

When wishes come true….

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I’m joining Kristen’s Valentine’s Party…..’cause I really love to talk about this guy! This is also a repost….from October 22.  Regular posting to resume when my children aren’t up all night sick and the intervals between my coughs are longer than 10 seconds!

If he were a rock star, he’d be Eddie Vedder.
If he were a drink, he’d be scotch.

If he were a restaurant, he’d be a sports bar.
If he were a animal, he’d be a lion.
If he were a state, he’d be Montana.
If he were an article of clothing, he’d be a leather jacket.
If he were a book of the Bible, he’d be Isaiah.
If he were a politician…..he’d never be a politician.
If he were a car, he’d be a Ford F150.
If he were a superhero, he’d be Spiderman.
If he were an apostle, he’d be Peter.

If he were a food, he’d be a filet.
If he were a color, he’d be black.
If he were a football player, he’d be Brett Favre.
If he were an actor, he’d be Jack Bauer.
If he were a bird, he’d be an eagle.
If he were a tree, he’d be a oak.
He is the real deal. Authentic. Strong. Fierce. Tender. Rugged. Wise. Mysterious. Reflective. Hilarious. Cautious. A man with convictions. Unafraid to be himself. Unable to be false. Ready to learn. Quick to apologize. Taking the road less travelled. And okay with it. Faithful. To. The. End.
If he were a dessert, he’d be chocolate cake. With buttercream icing. Cause that’s my favorite.
He is like fresh cool water. He is like reading Mere Christianity for the 10th time and finding new insight and truth over and over again. His hands are pleasantly calloused and his body hard and strong.
His insight is keen and his intellect sharp.
He always smiles when he sees babies. And tears up easier than you’d think.
He is the first person I need to talk to when life isn’t fair. And the first person I think of when
joy is unspeakable.
And today is his birthday.
I hope you get everything on your “wishlist” Stevie.

Pearl Jam performing “Wishlist”

Isa. 61:3 “That they may be called oaks of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified. They shall build up the ancient ruins, they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.”

The faces of love….

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This is a re-post from September 28.  As love-day nears, he’s on my mind.  And the little ones talked about Jesus clearing the temple this week in Sunday school.  I went searching until I found this and thought you might like it too.

There are so many things to love about this guy. He’s rugged, funny, smart, loves football and fishing and good scotch, can name nearly every tree in nature, reads theology books, can water ski and snow ski like a pro, likes classical music and Pearl Jam, and occasionally loses his temper. He’s edgy like that sometimes…..in a masculine, Jesus-and-the-money-changers sort of a way. He has huge biceps and makes you feel like he’d crush anyone who tried to hurt you…….all the things that make a girl go weak in the knees.
Yesterday, he saw our children and there friends throwing small matchbox cars in the pool. It was right after the Vols got beat so he was already a little ‘frustrated’, let’s say. He yelled…… they cried……I was bewildered. 

Today, as we pulled into the church parking lot, he put his right hand on my shoulder and gave me a gentle love-touch.  He asked the girls if they remembered the pool incident and they, of course, did. He told them that he was wrong to lose his temper and asked if we would forgive him. Elea said, “Yes, daddy, I forgive you.” The exchange was powerful. I can’t think of a better way to teach forgiveness to your children. The historic liturgy of the church is beautiful on this subject, and thank God we say and hear these words every Sunday;

“Lord we confess that we are by nature sinful and unclean and have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed by what we have done and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart and we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We justly deserve your present and eternal punishment. For the sake of Your son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us. Forgive us, renew us, and lead us, so that we may delight in Your will and walk in Your ways……Almighty God in His mercy has given His son to die for you and for His sake forgives you all your sins.”

Now, that is comfort. We fail. We screw up. We lose our tempers, get angry…. and He stands there waiting…..to forgive. It is a powerful force in any relationship, but especially in families. To forgive and be forgiven, what a gift from God! I am thankful for a man who is passionate enough to get angry and man enough to ask for forgiveness. He also just so happens to able to identify nearly every bird flying overhead and he can wind the bobbin on my sewing machine! I’m starting to feel so inadequate!

P.S. I’m listening to this great talk radio about repentance. Join me.

I Brake for……..

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Have you ever ridden with anyone who was a brake pumper?  Who, say 75 feet before you reach a light that’s red, pumps the brakes 4 or 19 times?  And then even after you’re at a complete stop, pumps 3 more times.  And if you were mid sentence during the pumping, you’re sentence would become, “Do. you. still. want. to. go. see. the. King. Tut. Ex.hi.bit?”   And after a whole ride to church , a mild case of whiplash ensues.
Well, Stevie is a pumper.  Sunday mornings he drives us to church in his car.  Because it would take 25 minutes for me to clean mine out enough so that he could sit in the front seat.  And then he’d try not touch any surfaces and he’d look around as if he were scared and then ask when was the last time I changed the oil.  So, taking his car is way easier.  His car is pristine and devoid of any evidence that he has eight children and two dogs.  With a full tank of gas. And recently changed oil.  Mine screams, “This woman has 14 children and 5 shedding dogs and is apparently legally blind”.  
 I can’t remember how I pointed out the pumping to him.  I don’t think I said, “Hey,can you ease up on the pumping?” I think it was more like, “Have. you . ever. noticed. how. Eddie. pumps. the. brakes. a. L.O.T. when. he. drives?”  Eddie is his dad…. who happens to be one of my favorite people. But Stevie comes from a long line of pumpers.
I say all that to say that Stevie is so sweet and now is conscience of his pumping.  He apologized for pumping last week and I didn’t even notice the pumping. that. time.   We all have little things that we do that we probably aren’t even aware of.  I’m glad he doesn’t write this blog or he’d tell you all mine.  But he could just have easily said, “Look, I’m a pumper.  And that’s just Who.I.Am.  Deal with it.  Or clean your car out.”  But instead he thinks of others and lets this new awareness ‘in’.  I don’t know why, but that makes a girl go weak in the knees.  It makes me thankful that I’m married to a man who says I’m sorry and who is willing to rethink the way he drives his car.  
I imagine that when he’s alone, he pumps those brakes a lot. and real hard.  Just. because. he. can.  But what a man to keep the ride smooth as silk when the girls and I are with him. Or to at.least.try.

The One I Love………

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Remember the song “The One I love” by David Gray?  Well I rediscovered the song through Country Girl’s playlist and there’s something about it that I just love.  I listened to it 473 times. Who am I kidding? I belted it out real loud 473 times while driving in my car. My children will certainly need therapy for these cathartic jam sessions.  I conjured up images of Stevie and I falling on hard times (“tell the repo man”) and moving into a cozy 1200 square foot cottage and growin’ our own food and selling my hand-knit scarves for extra money…….to buy books and coats and milk for the children.  The first 248 times, I’m sure I shed a little tear. (I conjured this all up while I was online picking out my new iphone and making my last order to American girl).  Then I googled the lyrics and discovered that the song is probably about a soldier dying on the battlefield and that the ‘repo man’ is probably God reposing his very life.  (Tears welled up in both eyes.)

Oh. Okay then.
So  I googled ‘repose’ and then started my conjuring anew. No worries.  I can roll with that.  So in the very spot in my brain that should be storing important items like the password for paying the student loan payment,  Stevie is now  a soldier and is wounded and I am weeping hysterically over him on the battlefield and singin’ “Tell the repo man….and the stars above…..that you’re the one I love”.  (That’s precisely when I realized that my item is backordered…..which disturbed the whole music video/drama thing that was going on in my head).  No wonder I can’t remember anything.  My brain is full.  Of tiny little dramas from every song I love.  And all my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes.  And all the lyrics to Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody.   And a whole plethora of random, mostly useless information. 
Well I love the song regardless.  And it makes me teary-eyed.  So I sing it with all the more conviction.  Especially since Stevie’s a soldier now.  So enjoy the song and  any little drama that starts to play in your head.  And enjoy the one you love.  And be thankful for real life soldiers who make our ‘enjoying’ possible.  

Sing it with me…….
“Won’t you take my hand dahlin’, on that old dance flaaw
We can twist and shout
Do the turtle dove
You’re the one I love
You’re the one I love
The One I love
Yooooo-hoooooo”

When wishes come true….

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I’m joining Kristen’s Valentine Link Party…..’cause I really love to talk about this guy!

If he were a rock star, he’d be Eddie Vedder.
If he were a drink, he’d be scotch.

If he were a restaurant, he’d be a sports bar.
If he were a animal, he’d be a lion.
If he were a state, he’d be Montana.
If he were an article of clothing, he’d be a leather jacket.
If he were a book of the Bible, he’d be Isaiah.
If he were a politician…..he’d never be a politician.
If he were a car, he’d be a Ford F150.
If he were a superhero, he’d be Spiderman.
If he were an apostle, he’d be Peter.

If he were a food, he’d be a filet.
If he were a color, he’d be black.
If he were a football player, he’d be Brett Favre.
If he were an actor, he’d be Jack Bauer.
If he were a bird, he’d be an eagle.
If he were a tree, he’d be a oak.
He is the real deal. Authentic. Strong. Fierce. Tender. Rugged. Wise. Mysterious. Reflective. Hilarious. Cautious. A man with convictions. Unafraid to be himself. Unable to be false. Ready to learn. Quick to apologize. Taking the road less travelled. And okay with it. Faithful. To. The. End.
If he were a dessert, he’d be chocolate cake. With buttercream icing. Cause that’s my favorite.
He is like fresh cool water. He is like reading Mere Christianity for the 10th time and finding new insight and truth over and over again. His hands are pleasantly calloused and his body hard and strong.
His insight is keen and his intellect sharp.
He always smiles when he sees babies. And tears up easier than you’d think.
He is the first person I need to talk to when life isn’t fair. And the first person I think of when
joy is unspeakable.
And today is his birthday.
I hope you get everything on your “wishlist” Stevie.

Pearl Jam performing “Wishlist”

Isa. 61:3  “That they may be called oaks of righteousness,  the planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.  They shall build up the ancient ruins, they shall raise up the former devastations; they shall repair the ruined cities, the devastations of many generations.”