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Why Marriage is So Hard

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whymarriageishard

 

“Now, I see, my most constant mistake, is I don’t know what I love till its gone.”

You’re sitting smack dab in the middle of the hardest thing in your life—your marriage.  How do I know?  Because I am too and I know how the days can seem dark.

You’re probably not gonna like my answer, but I think I know why being married is so hard.   It’s not because women are from Venus and men are from Mars.  It’s not because Scripture is old-fashioned and marriage is passe.  I don’t even think it’s because modern times are so much more volatile to marriage than previous ages, though they may be.

The reason marriage is so hard is because you’re more sinful than you think you are.

You don’t yet grasp the depths of your own depravity.  You want your own way.  You think your faults are less offensive than his.  You justify yourself in a thousand ways and give yourself every benefit of the doubt.  But, his faults and sins are magnified to you. You’re convinced that you give more in the relationship.  You are always the hero in your mind.  Or maybe it’s just me.

I’ve stayed mad for 3 days because he fails to acknowledge all that I do around here, only to realize that I never once told him thank you for going to work so faithfully all these years—for shouldering the financial responsibility of this gang of kids like a rock.  For coming home every single night.  For staying when staying seemed so very difficult.  Never complaining.  Never asking to win an award or be noticed.  Just steady and sure and strong.

You are not yet what you ought to be and so God has been gracious to place you in this very relationship, because He means to sanctify you and bring you to repentance. This relationship is hard because it’s life and death.  What you do here means everything.  And you can grumble about the myriad of things that are wrong in this union or you can start to see it how God sees it—as a sacred picture of what He is doing to redeem the world.  Christ is the bridegroom and we are the bride.  And we will finally be lovely because He has so loved us, not the other way around.

God knew what He was doing when He gave you this particular person.  He knew the flaws in your character and personality that this person could sharpen.  He knew that this person could expose the sins you try to cover and hide.  He knows better than you what you need and the sooner you submit to Christ and His purposes in your life, the sooner you will see what He is up to in your marriage.  This relationship is not for your happiness, it is for your redemption.  He is not trying to make your comfortable, He is desperate to make you holy.

He will go to any lengths to transform you because He loves you so much.

So, what about all his sins, you say?  Oh, I know.  He is not what he should be either.  He has been a failure at being Christ for you.  He is selfish and unkind.  He’s been untrue and weak and childish.  He doesn’t cherish you the way he should.  His love has so seldom been sacrificial.

That’s why I’m so glad that we begin every Sunday morning service with confession and absolution.  We stand shoulder to shoulder, he and I,  and say what has been so hard to say all week long. And we say it together.

“Most merciful God, we confess that we are by nature sinful and unclean.  We have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed, by what we have done and by what we have left undone.  We have not loved you  with our whole heart and we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves.”

I stand there holding the weight of the world—my most grievous sins  always against the ones with which I share the pew.  I barely make it through those words most weeks because I know what I am and I know how I fail. This is not some “generic” neighbor I’ve sinned against.   And his have torn me apart too.  We are faltering and crumbling every day, until these beautiful words restore what we keep trying to tear down.

“Almighty God in His mercy has given His Son to die for you, and for His sake, forgives you all your sins.”

God doesn’t overlook what you done.  He sees it all and yet calls you forgiven and redeemed.  Every week—this gift, of restoration, healing and grace, that astounds us and brings such peace.  Words that He paid dearly to speak to us.  Words that have power to do what they say.  Words that reach back into the mess we’ve made of so many strings of days.

In the briefest of moments, I glimpse eternity.  I see that this day is not just another block of 24 hours, but a day that always has been and always will be.  Maybe, a day marred  by my tired rebellion and refusal to give up my ground.  Or just maybe,  a day staked with my broken confession and the Blessed Absolution that comes from knowing He has redeemed every single hour for His glory.  This day will come and go and then DAY will be gone.  Eternity is breaking through, shouting from beyond—that all this matters and that in the end,  only Love will be left standing, as He holds us both in His glorious Light, darkness falling away around us like a dream.

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lakedaysunset

Press play to listen to Day is Gone by Noah Gundersen

Day is Gone

If you’re new around here?  Thank you for visiting my blog!  I’m honored you’re here and I hope you’ll find some encouragement (and some laughter!) for your days.  Visit my about page, which highlights some of my popular posts or will at least show you a peak into my crazy people.  You can subscribe to this blog by email here.  I am currently addicted to Pinterest, so follow at your own risk I also post updates to Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Potato Corn Chowder {and my love affair with bacon fat}

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Potato Corn Chowder via lifeingrace

A dear reader, Robin, did us all a favor today.  She reminded me of the deliciousness of Potato Corn Chowder (the recipe of which was first posted in my Hospitality ebook, but never on here) and so I thought I’d share the recipe with you,  since my originally planned post went haywire and will have to wait until Monday.  Also, the first 10 people to comment on the following statement will get a free copy of the ebook.  “Bacon Fat:  How It Changed My Life.”  After those ten comments, (and surely you dear lovelies have lots to say about bacon fat?), I’ll pick of few more at my discretion.  Don’t forget to read my Ode to Bacon Fat, at the bottom of this post.

On to the recipe.

I’m a huge fan of one pot meals. One pot meals are a beacon of light in a dark, dark world.  One pot meals make life worth living. Okay, maybe that’s overstating it but still.

One pot to clean=one happy momma.

Potato corn chowder= one happy family.

This corn chowder is so easy, so delicious, and is even a crowd pleaser among the youngsters.

Here’s what you need:

  • 1 onion
  • 1 32 oz bag frozen corn (could certainly use fresh corn when it’s in season but the frozen works great too)
  • 1/2 to 1 red pepper, diced
  • 1 stalk of celery, diced
  • 3 yukon potatoes, peeled and diced 3-4 springs of thyme
  • salt and pepper
  • cayenne pepper
  • 2 boxes of chicken stock
  • 2 T. flour
  • 1 T. bacon fat
  • 1 T. butter
  • 1 T. olive oil
  • 1/2 c. heavy cream
  • 1 T. honey

What you’ll do:

  • Melt the butter and bacon fat in a large stock pot and then add the olive oil.
  • Add the chopped onion, red pepper and celery,  a pinch of cayenne pepper and then salt and pepper.  (You’ll reseason at the end but make sure you start the process now for depth of flavor.)
  • Cook these on med high so that the onions will brown a little.
  • When those have sautéed for 4-5 min, add the flour and cook it about a minute.
  • Add all the chicken stock, along with the frozen corn.
  • Add the thyme (you can either put the whole stems with the leaves on them and then remove the stems at the end or pull the leaves off the stems and just add the leaves) and potatoes and cook for 30 min on med heat until the potatoes are tender.
  • When they are tender, add the honey and cream and then reseason as needed. Since there aren’t many seasonings in this soup, I add lots of pepper.
  • Enjoy the some crusty bread!

Ode to bacon fat

Every good Southern woman I know has a jar of bacon fat somewhere in her kitchen.

It’s just as natural as having butter or bread.  Usually it’s stored in a mason jar, but I’ve seen other lovely methods.

Do not ever underestimate the power of bacon fat, and by all means never throw it away.

It adds so much to your cooking and to your personality.    I know my Southern friends won’t leave out this precious step of adding bacon fat to this recipe, but if you’re from Connecticut, you’ll be tempted.

Don’t do it.

Bacon fat rules the world. Corn chowder just isn’t corn chowder without bacon fat.

I am not me without bacon fat.

Love your family well.

Use bacon fat. Amen.

potato corn chowder3

4 Resolutions Every Mom Needs to Make

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resolutionsformoms

I may have an unhealthy obsession with the New Year.  Fresh starts are like cool, mountain air to me.  Maybe it has something to do with my January birthday or my tendency to want to hunker down, but January is one of my favorite months.  I read a lot of books, make a lot of soups, and cozy up together on the sofa at night with my peeps and my brand new journal to write goals and plans in a fit of terrific passion and inspiration.

This year was a little different for me.  I talk a lot about serving others at my blog—so much so that I wrote a little ebook on the Heart of Hospitality—a little primer on serving the people in your life.  I think we’re often plagued with the haunting question of WHAT IS MY LIFE’S PURPOSE, that we forget the important work we already do everyday for the people we love.  We are already serving our neighbor in so many important ways—especially the “neighbors” who live in our house.   The little phrase, “Just do the next thing your neighbor needs,” kept swirling in my head.

Don’t worry, I still made THE LIST.  You know the one—that says run a half marathon, make a quilt, write a book, get a book deal, make homemade donuts, etc.  I’m not the queen of resolutions for nothing.  But, it hasn’t been the most pressing thing on my heart.  I really want to serve my neighbor in better more meaningful ways and it reminded me how often our (my) resolutions are pretty self-centered.  So, I made a new list that read something like this—listen better to my children, show kindness when it’s hard, laugh more with my family, inspire don’t demand—all things my children and family need a heaping helping of in a harsh and unkind world.  Follow me over to Ruth’s place and I’ll tell you all about that list……

 

January Menu Plan

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How about starting the New Year with a plan?!januarymealplan

Week 1

  • Wednesday, January 1—We’re swimming in leftovers and I’m making homemade bagels just to show 2014 who’s boss.
  • Thursday, January 2—Spicy Tomato Soup and Cheese and Pesto Paninis
  • Friday, January 3—Homemade Pizza (Try our new flavor with pesto, spicy eye-talian sausage, feta, spinach and sun dried tomatoes—SO GOOD!)
  • Saturday, January 4th—Quilting, Raclette and Fondue Party!  This is a redo of New Year’s Eve, because it’s my birthday and, well, I’ll eat if I want to:)  Read more about raclette here.  It’s a fun way to eat in a crowd, somewhat rustic, somewhat fancy!  I bought my Raclette grill from Amazon, of course, and with my prime membership, had it in 2 days. (Thank you to our friends, Sebastian and Sara, for introducing us!)  For the fondue, I melt — 1 stick of butter, 1 cup of heavy cream, 1 bag of chocolate chips, 1 cup of sugar, 1 t. vanilla and mix on low heat until all is melted and delicious!

Week 2

Week 3

Week 4

Week 5

 

For more help in meal planning and money saving, I  have used emeals a lot in the past and their program coordinates with the sales at various grocery stores, so click on the link below and check out their plans, too!

Hope your November is off to an awesome start!

EMEALS EASY AND DELICIOUS DINNER RECIPES

 

If you’re new around here?  Thank you for visiting my blog!  I’m honored you’re here and I hope you’ll find some encouragement (and some laughter!) for your days.  Visit my about page, which highlights some of my popular posts or will at least show you a peak into my crazy people.  You can subscribe to this blog by email here.  I am currently addicted to Pinterest, so follow at your own risk.  I also post updates to Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.

Christmas Brunch Menu and Jam Thumbprints

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christmas brunch

My mother passed the baton to me a few years ago, so now I host Christmas Eve Brunch for my family.  It’s one of my favorite traditions.  I thought I’d share our menu, in case you might hosting breakfast or brunch yourself. Also at the bottom is my recipe for Jam Thumbprints.  Besides fudge, they’re my favorite Christmas treat.

Here’s what we’re having:

  • Homemade Waffles ( I have changed this recipe a little to make it my own, but it’s a wonderful waffle and pancake recipe.  It’s a little labor intensive to make the baking mix, but once you make it, it’ll last for a couple of months, depending on how much you make waffles.  We’re on a nearly every Saturday schedule!)
  • Biscuits and Gravy—we’re Southern, what can I say.  I have no apologies to make.  I use equal parts bacon fat and flour (usually 1/2 cup of each) and brown the flour until it’s medium brown.  I then add a little sugar (maybe 1 t.) and a little nutmeg, salt and pepper.  Then I add a can of evaporated milk and probably 2 cups of regular milk.  Stir  over medium heat until it thickens a little.  I make these biscuits and then I cheat and use frozen biscuits.
  • Quiche Lorraine—if you haven’t tried this one yet, I beg you, BECAUSE ham cooked in bacon fat will change your life. Amen.
  • Dutch Babies—aka German pancakes.  They’re amazing and I can’t get enough.
  • Ham and Swiss sliders—everybody in the South makes these.  If you haven’t tried them, do yourself a favor!
  • Bacon, Sausage, and Ham—(I try to precook the meat the day before and then reheat Christmas Eve morning, otherwise, my whole house smells like bacon.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that, mind you.)
  • Variety of sweets, including Grannie’s fudge, Jam Thumbprints (recipe below), spritzer cookies, chocolate crinkles
  • Mimosas and wassail
  • 24 Hour Cherry Salad—THIS? Is my favorite food of the day.  Here’s how my mom does it.  Take 1 can of pineapple tidbits, drained, and mix with 1 jar of chopped marachino cherries and about 12-15  large marshmallows, cut into twelth’s—each piece being about the size of miniature marshmallows.  Why can’t you use miniature marshmallows?  Because my grandmother says it doesn’t turn out right and grannie’s know best.  Let that sit overnight and then in the morning, whip up about 1 1/2 cups of heavy whipping cream, adding 1/2 cup of sugar and 1 tsp of vanilla.  Fold the fresh whipped cream into the fruit and marshmallow mixture.  I use about 3/4 of a 20 oz can of pineapples and a ten oz jar of cherries.  This is how we cook around here, what can  I say!?
  • Challah or Swiss Braided Bread or Santa Lucia Braided Wreath—this is a great breakfast recipe, and the one you see in the above picture.  We make it for St. Lucia’s day on Dec. 13, but I’m making for brunch as well.  It can be served plain with butter and jam on the side or served with a citrus glaze, as shown above.  There are lots of recipes for this out there, but I use this one, usually.

Yes, I must get busy.  But, first I wanted to leave you with my jam thumbprints recipe.  The key to these is good jam.  Don’t skimp. Use all fruit or some other good brand of jam.

jam thumbprints

  • 3 sticks of  butter, at room temperature
  • 1 cup sugar
  • 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
  • 3 1/2 cups flour
  • 1/4 teaspoon salt
  • your favorite good jam

What you’ll do:

  • Mix together the butter and sugar until just combined and add vanilla.
  • Add the flour and salt to the creamed butter and sugar.
  • Mix until the dough starts to come together.
  • Dump on a floured board and roll together into a ball.
  • Wrap in plastic wrap and chill for 30 minutes.
  • Pinch off the dough into equal sized balls, sized how you want.
  • Place the balls on an ungreased cookie sheet and press a light indentation into the top of each with your finger.
  • Drop 1/4 teaspoon of jam into each indentation.
  • Bake for 20 to 25 minutes, until barely light brown around the edges.

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In response to the controversy lately in the news regarding our Christian faith and culture, I wrote a very long piece about Why Theology Matters.  You can read it here.

Blessed Advent to you and yours.

xoxo,

edie

Christmas Cookie Exchange {Link Party}

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christmascookieexchange

Welcome to my online Christmas cookie exchange!

Just add a link to your favorite Christmas treat and then link back to this post, to share the buttery love with your friends! If you don’t have a blog and want to share something with us, visit my facebook page and add the recipe! Add your photo to Instagram and use the hashtag #christmascookieparty so we can find each other there!

I’ll be pinning away from the links today, so follow my Christmas Cookie board on Pinterest!

I can’t wait to see what you’ve baked up for us!!