confessions

Christmas Concert

December 12, 2010 by Edie Wadsworth 19 Comments

It’s Saturday December 11 and I still do not have my Christmas tree up.
I do have two wreaths and a table top tree and some garland.
I’m getting there V E R Y S L O W L Y.
Despite this somewhat worrisome fact, I’ve been thoroughly enjoying some preChristmas plays and concerts and movies.
We’ve been to White Christmas, The Nutcracker, our local Christmas Parade, Harry Potter, Tangled, and ETSU’s Christmas Concert.
We have Voyage of the Dawn Treader and another Nutcracker on this weeks’ agenda.
It’s been field trip central around these parts.

Last night, Emme and I drove to Johnson City to Taylor’s Choir Concert—–the ETSU Chorale’s Christmas performance.

SOMEbody, and i won’t mention any names, was texting and facebooking during her brother’s concert :)……
it was a beautiful performance of sacred Christmas music–a great way to usher in the that nostalgic Christmas spirit.

Taylor’s right under the ‘r’. That boy’s so smart, singing in Latin and German and whoknowswhatelse.

and then there were peppermint mochas and other yummies at Starbucks after the concert……

it was so good to spend time with my two oldest! I miss them soooooooo much 🙁

and then I drove home in the dark and made bargains with God that I’d never drive again really late at night if He just got me home safe.

It was 11:00 but whatever.

I don’t know what’s wrong with me but I LOATHE driving at night. Another gift from my father.

I have to keep rolling down the windows and blocking the rear view lights with my hand and singing really loud and drinking coffee.

I’m sure my fellow journeyman love passing the likes of me on the interstate.

All that drama for an hour’s drive.

Emme kept asking me to roll the windows up and turn the music down.

I told her to cover up and put ear plugs in and PRAY.

We made it home FINALLY and then left out again this morning for their piano recital.

All that to say that I’m still making my way through your awesome cookie recipes. Thanks so much for participating and when you get through browsing those, check out Darcy’s link party on capturing *bokeh*—a photography term for achieving an ‘out of focus’ effect, which is fun with Christmas lights.

I did Baby Jesus bokeh. I love my nativity set. It’s old and cheap and perfect.

Okay, I think that’s all.

Hope your weekend is merry.

I’m getting that tree soon, I promise.

Ba-Bye.

xo,

edie

November Blue

November 30, 2010 by Edie Wadsworth 18 Comments

Dear November,
I’m sorry you have to leave so soon. It seems like you just got here and now you’re headed out already. I always hate when you go. It seems that we never get around to doing all we planned to do together. I know I say this every year, but next year we’re gonna make time to really enjoy each other. I promise not to be so busy that I don’t make time to sit and enjoy all the nice things you bring. You’re always so overshadowed by beautiful October and busy December. But I do think you’re my favorite. Of course, you’ve got Thanksgiving on your side and he just happens to be right at the top of my list . And now you have the Avett Brothers and November Blue. I declare my undying loyalty to you November and I will wait with all the eagerness of young love until you come back again. I miss you already. We make sweet memories, you and I.
Yours most truly,
edie

P.S. Now you’ll also be the month in which I first learned about Blue Hour from Kent Weakley.

And the first month in which I shot the moon.

*photos unedited except to crop*

Avett Brothers, November Blue

What Amy Greene and The Avett Brothers have in common…..

November 18, 2010 by Edie Wadsworth 37 Comments

If I were stranded alone on a deserted island and could only take the bare necessities with me, I’d take my espresso maker and my books.

I know what you’re thinking.

I’m gonna wish I had my toothbrush and my laptop. Okay, I’ll take those too.

If there’s one thing that I don’t like about hotel rooms or traveling in general, it’s that I don’t have all my books with me.

Maybe I’m inordinately attached to books.

But they’re so a part of who I am that I want them near.

I re-read parts of my favorite books all the time. Some of my favorite C.S. Lewis quotes play like a melody in my head at the most serendipitous times.

If there’s anything that I hope to leave as a legacy to my children, it would be a love for reading good books.

It was recently pointed out to me by a facebook friend that I seem to only read male writers. So, I promptly surveyed my nightstand and various bookshelves and it’s true. I seem to be quite partial to the boys. But in my defense, I like theology and classics and historical fiction, a large percentage of which are written by men. I do have a few favorite female authors that I truly respect, like Geraldine Brooks, Louisa May Alcott and JK Rowling. As a matter of fact, J.K. Rowling may be singlehandedly responsible for giving me back my childhood by teaching me to love fantasy.
(side note: we are huge Harry Potter fans and are going to see The Deathly Hallows tomorrow, on opening day at 12:30. And before you send me hate mail, please read this post and listen to these podcasts—very eye opening about the disservice done to Rowling by the christian community)

Enter Amy Greene.

Amy is the author of this year’s new bestseller Bloodroot. She was also recently awarded Tennessee’s Writer of the Year award AND named as one of Amazon’s debut fiction writers this year. I was fortunate enough to meet Amy a few weeks ago at our local fall festival at a book signing. Several of my friends had told me that I HAD to read her book, that I’d love it—but when I met Amy, I had yet to read it so I bought a signed book and read it within a few days. For a little backstory, it’s a book about growing up in Appalachia, with plenty of ‘dark and twisty’ truth thrown in. There’s so much I wanna say about the book but I’ll do it by way of an email I sent Amy, who has since graciously agreed to come to my bookclub in January!!! (she lives ten minutes from me, btw)

I’ve been devouring your book just as fast as my little ones will let me steal away. I woke up at 4a this morning and couldn’t wait to get back to the story.
It happens to me every now and then with a book or some music—–that soul-stirring that makes you squirm a little and lays bear your own vulnerabilities in a way that can’t be conjured up…….Your writing has had a similar effect on me as when I first listened to the Avett Brothers’ music. It has forever changed me and how I see the world. It validates my years of pain. It speaks healing and acceptance to the darkness that lingers near. I won’t be the same.
So thank you for truth, which leads us all closer to home.
Your newest adoring fan,
Edie

At bookclub tomorrow, I get to tell my friends that Amy Greene, in the flesh, is coming to my house for book discussion. How cool is that? Maybe we’ll even skype some of you in to join us too.

You should definitely read the book and bear in mind that for many folks, life has had it’s share of the dark and twisty.

And that brings me to my final point. At bookclub tomorrow, during this, our poetry semester, we’re bringing lyrics to two of our favorite songs for discussion. I am a fiend for song lyrics. I knew right away that for one of my songs, I’d bring ‘Head Full of Doubt-Road Full of Promise’ by the Avett Brothers. I’ll even take the liberty to say, since it’s only my opinion anyways, that this song is a lyrical interpretation of Bloodroot. And perhaps in some ways, my own little life for that matter.

So, I’d be EVER so interested to know some of your thoughts on this song, its’ lyrics, its’ meaning.

Or else tell me your favorite song (lyrics) and why. Just so ya know, if you pick Justin Bieber or Lil’ Wayne, and you’re not under 15, we may have to renegotiate the rules of our friendship. Amen.

It would probably be fair to say that many of the artists’ I have mentioned have been criticized for the ‘darkness’ they portray. But those of us who’ve wrestled with real darkness in our hearts and in our past, can say with all boldness that the darkness cannot be faced unless it is acknowledged and brought to light. I’m proud of those who have helped us to ‘see it’.

What do Amy Greene and The Avett Brothers and JK Rowling, for that matter, have in common? They are gifted artists who speak truth in powerful ways.

And truth leads us all closer to home.

There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what’s wrong and what’s right
And it comes in black and it comes in white
And I’m frightened by those that don’t see it

When nothing is owed or deserved or expected
And your life doesn’t change by the man that’s elected
If you’re loved by someone, you’re never rejected
Decide what to be and go be it

There was a dream and one day I could see it
Like a bird in a cage I broke in and demanded that somebody free it
And there was a kid with a head full of doubt
So I’ll scream til I die and the last of those bad thoughts are finally out

There’s a darkness upon you that’s flooded in light
And in the fine print they tell you what’s wrong and what’s right
And it flies by day and it flies by night
And I’m frightened by those that don’t see it

There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
In the fine print they tell me what’s wrong and what’s right
There’s a darkness upon me that’s flooded in light
And I’m frightened by those that don’t see it

P.S. I’m in the process of setting up an affiliates program with Amazon of things I like. I’ve added Bloodroot so far. If you click to buy the book here, Amazon will send me 3 cents. Or so.

Thanksgiving Banner, Take Two

November 16, 2010 by Edie Wadsworth 36 Comments

I think I’ve got a crafting hangover. I need some motrin and a day to sleep it off. But what do I do instead? I make us (you and me) a pdf file of last years’ Thanksgiving banner. I liked it so much, I’m using it again. And I wanted to share with you. Because that’s the kind of girl I am. You can call me Edie McCraftster. Just say it softly. Only, when I tried to make the documents, Google Documents wouldn’t let me share the file with the world wide web. It’s as if Google Documents is in cahoots with my sewing machine trying to make my life miserable. Why don’t things work like they’re s’posed to? But then I figured out the problem and all was right with the world again. So here is my early Thanksgiving present to you.

{Make sure you continue to visit my lovely friends who brought us the wonderful tutorials. Tutorials are a lot of work and I’m so thankful for all of them. I’m thinking of having a linky party in a couple weeks where we feature the stuff we’ve made using the tutorials, so get busy!}

The pdf files for the letter are here for you to download and print.
G in Give
I in Give
V in Give
E in Give

T in Thanks
H in Thanks
A in Thanks
N in Thanks
K in THanks
S in THanks

Disclaimer: These pictures were taken in the ever sentimental turquoise kitchen, partly for Elizabeth’s sake (I don’t think she’s forgiven me for moving!), and mostly because I can’t find my stapler to hang them in my lake cottage kitchen. My Thanksgiving preparations are well underway. I made Paula Deen’s pumpkin pie, along with Martha Stewart’s red velvet cupcakes this weekend. I’ll be making more desserts this week along with some casseroles this weekend. I hope to share my some of my goodies with you.

I’ve also dyed my tablecloth an alluring shade of blue for the festivities. This is the year of blue in case you haven’t noticed! And I’m working on getting my dessert table (which is presently loaded full of school books) presentable along with my makeshift bar re-stocked. I’m making the final changes to my menu and will print it sometime this week (I’ll share) and plan to gather the supplies to make my placecards.

Why all the flurry now? So that when the day comes, I can truly enjoy my family (all 20 something of them) and take a deep breaths and be thankful.

Hope your week is off to an enchanting and thankful start!

lots of love,

ms. edie

ps. I’ve listened to this sermon three times—well, four counting the first time I heard it live. The whole thing is amazing, the last 7 minutes is epic. Unbelievable delivery of the gospel from an Old Testament passage. The perfect illustration of Jesus’ own words, “These are the scriptures that testify of me.” How even the Old Testament, every book, is about Christ. The Bible is not a book primarily about how we are to live. It is a story of redemption. Won for us all and freely given in Christ. It’s worth a listen or four. Credit to Pastor Paul Bushur from First Lutheran Church Knoxville who knows how to bring it.

What homeschooling has taught me about myself

September 21, 2010 by Edie Wadsworth 74 Comments

“But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the exceeding greatness of the power may be of God and not from ourselves.”

If you had asked me ten years ago what I’d be doing with my life in 2010, the last thing I would have answered would have been homeschooling my children. I was graduating from residency in family medicine after a long and grueling education, with all the hopes and dreams of building a successful practice. During those years, I already had two children and somehow survived the schedule—mostly on big dreams and very little sleep. I learned some things about myself—that I was strong and smart and determined. I was decidedly self-sufficient. I was sure about everything back then, even the strength of my own faith.

Life seemed to me a fairly predictable equation: I had ‘put in my time’ and was ready to reap the benefits. And there were so many benefits to being a professional in a field that is generally highly respected. For several years after graduation, I worked to establish a name for myself. I enjoyed the interaction with my patients and my colleagues and loved the way my life was unfolding. I made a nice salary, dressed in the latest fashions, got my nails done regularly, attended trips and meetings that I could easily justify as ‘necessary’ to my career. Often these things took me away from my family, but I didn’t bat an eye. Stevie, my podiatrist husband, worked across the hall—so I got to be his work wife and his home wife.

It was all kinda Mcdreamy.

He was the hottie in green scrubs and I was his hard-working wife—his equal in nearly every way. He looked at me different back then. Sometimes, in the monotony of stay-at-home mothering, I wish I could be her again.

All the things that happened to me as a result of being a doctor served to ‘polish the vessel’, so to speak. The vessel was shiny and perfect on the outside.

But the treasure was hidden away.

Little did I know then that God is in the business of shattering vessels, so that His treasure—Christ—can be poured out on others.

My perfect shiny life would soon come crashing to the ground. The perfectly polished professional woman has been long since crucified. The process has shaken my very foundation.

Fast forward three years and here are some of things I’ve learned about myself while homeschooling my children.

I am impatient. I don’t have the fortitude to stick with tasks like I should. I am weak and undisciplined and lack the courage of my convictions. I talk about self-control but don’t have very much. I teach my girls to treat people with kindness but then I lack compassion with my own family. I am a hypocrite and a real honest to goodness sinner. I struggle with contentment and then get angry with them for their discontent. I see in them my own sins and failures and then withhold mercy when they need it most.

This task of teaching my children has broken me.

They see through all my charades.

I can’t hide myself from them.

And this intimacy has exposed every frail part of me. The selfishness. The lies. All my broken dreams. Even the weakness of my faith.

They don’t see a shiny perfect vessel. They see the real me—the shattered pieces of a life undone.

Self-sufficiency is being put to death in my life. I must learn to lean on Another.

And yet……

Miraculously, they love me unconditionally. They applaud at my meager attempts to be a ‘joyous mother of children’. They forgive me so easily and still say that I’m their best mom. Despite my faults, they somehow see through to the Treasure. They glimpse the beauty of a life broken and spilled out for another. It’s as if they see me through the light of His cross. In a million unspoken words, they know. They know and are thankful, that in my frailty—He is strong.

So when we confess our sins together at His altar every Sunday morning, it is no small thing.

We say with surety and conviction and sometimes with tears, ‘We have not loved God with our whole heart and we have not loved our neighbor as ourselves.”

Oh the sting of truth. I hear their small voices echo with mine. The voices of my very dearest neighbors. The neighbors against whom my gravest sins are committed.

She holds my hand and we know.

We wait eagerly for the absolution. Those precious words of life that reconcile husband to wife. Mother to child. God to man.

“God in His mercy has sent His son to die for you and therefore forgives you all your sin, in the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit.”

It’s the assurance of these words, and not my own clever life and career, that I’ve come to depend on.

It was always supposed to be this way. And perhaps this is what it means to be ‘saved through childbearing’.

Maybe my ‘schooling’ has only just begun.

*****************************

Post-Edit: This story is my own. I don’t pretend to know the ways and means that God uses to work repentance in all His other children. We are given tremendous freedom in Christ to choose our paths and I am not writing this to incite debate on working mothers vs. at home mothers, traditional schooling vs homeschooling. Whatever he uses to crush our self-sufficiency and self-righteousness is good for us. The tools he uses may be different for you. The path is worn and the process is painful no matter the means. But take heart. If you are drowning in what seems like the mundane, remember that God is using you to serve your neighbor. And it is a divine, high calling.

I thank the faithful Lutheran pastors who have helped me see the beauty of the doctrine of vocation.

I’m joining Emily at Tuesdays Unwrapped.

frantic rambling before my computer is gone…..

September 17, 2010 by Edie Wadsworth 47 Comments

These last two weeks have been birthday central at my house. Do you have any idea how many calories I’ve consumed in icing? Yeah, I don’t wanna know.

But one thing is for sure. I like making my own cakes because I am love with buttercream. My girls? Eat the cake and dutifully bring their mother the leftover icing on the plate. Now that is well-trained.

We met my family for a birthday lunch at Cheddars. Most of my pics were awful that day—too dark inside, too light outside. But I did get this one cute one of the birthday girls.

And we finally caved in and let Emme have a sleepover. We’re kinda anti-sleepover people. In general, shouldn’t people be in their own homes in their own beds?

But we thought maybe if she saw that it’s really not as great as you imagine, she’d stop dreaming about sleepovers. The girls were awesome. I stayed up til 3:30, an hour or so after I heard the last peep. I hope she got it out of her system because it took me all weekend to recover.

The funniest thing was what I overheard as the little sisters were playing American Girls.

Girl 1: “Be careful with that Julie doll, her head came off last week.”

Girl 2: “Oh, that’s okay, we’ll let her be the mom and she can just sit around and knit.”

Where do they possibly get the idea of a mom who’s lost her head and just wants to sit around and knit? I have no idea.

And we’ve had a lot of these lately. I could make a whole scrapbook of the various sunsets I’ve witnessed here on the lake. Amazing. The handiwork of one infinitely creative God. And besides the fact that I can’t find my biscuit cutters since I’ve moved, I’m adjusting pretty darn well to this lake living. If I could just somehow twinkle my nose and make my old studio (aka craft room) appear, I face it right to the this sunset and craft away.

And finally, a little blogging housekeeping:

1. My computer is going on a little field trip to the Genius Bar today. {At long last, my lovely laptop will travel in her beautiful handmade case!} Which means I’ll be computer-less for a few days. Which means I’m already starting to break into a cold sweat. Which means I’ll have to try to wrestle that iPad out of Steve’s hands. Which means it could get ugly. Pray that the geniuses haven’t lost their mojo.

I’m hoping to post on my recipe for chicken-and-dumplings while my computer is gone. But otherwise, it’ll be sparse around here. And even that could be questionable.

2. Over the past few months, I have tried returning comments, answering questions etc by emailing people back from their comments. (Your comments get sent straight to my email.) That can sometimes get redundant if people ask the same questions but I also like doing that because it’s easier to get to know people. Would you rather I ‘talked’ to people back and forth in the comments section or continue to send the personal emails? Do you go back and read the comments section looking for answers or for other folks’ input? I just can’t decide which I like better. I used to interact more in the comments but frankly, since I changed to wordpress, I don’t like the layout of the comments section and I read your comments from my email account so I don’t often actually go the comments section of my blog. It’s kind of monotonous visually. I have checked into making the comments more visually appealing but I don’t think prophoto (my wordpress theme) has many options. I know they don’t support threaded comments, which is too bad, because that’s my favorite style and I even like blogger’s comment style—where they’re broken up into shorter, easier to read snippets.

Interacting with all you great peeps is my favorite part of doing this. Maintaining a blog is a lot of work and I can guarantee you that I wouldn’t have the fortitude to stick with it if it weren’t for you. So thank you. And I’ll miss you while the geniuses try to work a little apple magic on my mac. I’m also in the market for some new perfume today so if you give me a suggestion before noon, I’d appreciate it. Scents I’ve loved in the past: light blue by d&g, one by calvin klein and most recently mademoiselle by chanel.

Very truly yours,

ms.edie

p.s. I’m making the perfect roasted chicken for dinner. I’ve made it before. It’s the perfect Friday night fall dinner.