confessions

the Ups and Downs

December 19, 2012 by Edie Wadsworth 47 Comments

If you’re new around here, let me extend a hardy welcome! I recently updated my ‘about’ page, which was 3 years overdue! You can follow me on Twitter, Facebook, and Pinterest and find me on Instagram as ‘lifeingrace’! Mostly, you’ll find me at home, cooking , teaching, crafting, reading some great books, and practicing the art of hospitality! Hope you find something that makes you smile!

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This is what my house looks like in my mind.

This is the way it really looks. #crapeverywhere

Tell me I’m not alone.

Thanks for the emails and well wishes about my injury. I’m doing well, healing up pretty fast and hobbling around with a walking boot.

Here’s what happened. I was running on the main drag in our little town. I’ve been running on this road for 12 twelve years. I know where to start and stop if I want to run 3 or 4 or 5 or 10 miles. I know where every bathroom is and every place I can get free water. I feel like I could run it in my sleep. I love that kind of familiarity with something you’ve done countless times. Friday morning, it was cold and I probably didn’t warm up enough. I jumped over a small puddle onto an embankment and when I landed, I felt like someone had hit me in the back of the calf with a baseball and then I felt a *snap*. I went down to the ground and couldn’t really walk. I called my friend, Sue, who was dropping her kids off to school and she drove me to my car. I may or may not have been sobbing. Poor Sue.

Then when I got home and settled in with my ice and walking boot, I went on a googling spree to see how to speed up this healing process.

The first site I landed on said, “This injury is common among the middle-aged.” Shut it, google. Who asked you anyways.

Long story not so long, I have a (partial?) tear in my left calf muscle and will be gimpy for a month or so. It’s feeling so much better already so I’m praying for a quick recovery. Running is my sanity, my stress reliever, my therapy. I’d say the inspiration for 75% of the things I write come when I’m running. I’m just warning you, it may be lame around here for awhile!

Apparently, I’ll do anything for new boots.

We made so many goodies, including a huge batch of Pioneer Woman’s cinnamon rolls. You really need to try these. They’re delicioso.

My mom and sister, who are saints!, have been helping me finish all my Christmas baking/shopping/mailing/etc. I am so thankful for them in my life. It seems like they’re always doing something to help me! Love you both so much.

And then there’s this::OH MY HEAVENS!!!!! Our house is featured in January’s Better Homes and Gardens!

I am so humbled and happy and weepy and verklempt.

And the fact that it’s all come full circle now, with the 2 yr. anniversary approaching. It’s just about done me in.

I’m still pinching myself and tearing up at the least provocation. Thank you, Better Homes. Thank you, Gretchen. Thank you, Darlene.

Thank you, Elizabeth and Heather and Zane and Jessica. I love you all.

My heart is full to the brim and running over.

Thank you all for being so excited with me and posting your pics to Facebook. It’s been such a fun week.

And to add to my reasons to squeal, House Beautiful tweeted a link to my stri-ped bathroom!!!!!!!! I would SO do a hitch-kick if I could.

And all minor ailments and perfect joys aside, we are full swing into Nutcracker festivities. My girls are both performing again this year and the first performance is tonight. Elea’s in the party scene (red dress) and Emme is in flowers and is the ballerina doll (black and white tutu). Performances are open to the public Thursday, Dec. 20th at 7:30, Friday, Dec. 21 at 7:30 and Sat at 2 and 7:30, at Walter’s State Community College. Dress rehearsal was last night and it’s gonna be a great show! Come and support the arts! You can purchase tickets here.

And while we’re just catching up on life, can I keep this boxwood wreath up year round? I think I should be allowed to. Y’all would start making fun of me around April, I’m sure of it.

Also, I’ve entered into full obsession with cuties. They are both delightful to eat and to gaze upon. Simple pleasures.

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When I got back from the doctor on Friday, I was still a weepy mess. Sad about the injury, hurting physically, wondering how I would get it all done without getting around very fast. And remembering the fire—as the two year anniversary quickly approaches.

Then, I turned on the tv to see the Connecticut shootings. Oh, the senseless horror and tragedy. I can’t even begin to imagine the depths of despair that those families feel right now. It’s hard to think about anything else.

I’ve listened to lots of news coverage and commentary on the shootings but nothing like the clarity of this pastor, Mark Lovett, of Concordia Lutheran Church, as he preached on the 3rd Sunday of Advent. If you are still wondering why—–how could this possibly happen in America, you will be blessed and encouraged by this 15 minutes of pastoral wisdom. I promise you that it will make more sense than the hours of commentary you’ve heard in the media.

Bless you, friends as you hold your loved ones tight and celebrate the Light, which makes all things new. You can listen to the sermon here or read it online here.

Excerpt from the sermon:

But in the face of such evil, in the heart breaking hours that follow so gross and wicked and perverse things as what happened two days ago, these gods are silent. Money cannot answer the pain because money feels no pain. Gun Control cannot bring back those that have lost their lives to bullets. Morality cannot sympathize or bring good news because Morality has failed at keeping us moral. The American Dream and Prosperity and Pay It Forward, and all our other gods from which we seek blessings and good are deaf to our cries and mute to our pain. They are silent because they know nothing, feel nothing, and can do nothing. They are gods of wind and smoke, vapor and fog. And those who trust in them shall be put to shame, for when evil strikes and homes are devastated and we are robbed of joy and peace, these gods are useless and pathetic and from them all we get is divine silence.

Only the God who speaks can give answer. Only the God who fashioned man in His image can answer. Only He can give answer because only He has borne our sorrows and carried our grief. Only He became as we are. And on His lips we hear the voice of all mankind, issuing forth the cry of every suffering soul: My God, my God, why hast Thou forsaken me?

And just as the Lord Jesus puts the question of mankind to voice, so He Himself is the answer. Here in the disparity of our hearts the Lord speaks His word of comfort: I AM. I am with you always, even unto the end of the age. And in this, we rejoice. The Lord is at hand.I am with you when you suffer, for I suffer for you. I am with you when you die, for I died for you. I am with you in the grave, for I lay in the grave for you. I am with you when you weep, for I weep for you. I am with you when mourn, for I mourn for you. I am with you for I am one of you.

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I am so thankful for you all.

Here’s wishing you beautiful days ahead as we wait for Light to dawn!

Mwahhhhhhh!

for you

November 25, 2012 by Edie Wadsworth 30 Comments

How was your weekend? Don’t you just love holiday weekends? I LOVE them. The post holiday games and food and football and lazing around. It doesn’t get much better. I even did a little crocheting.

Hope yours was dandy, too.

You are so very special to me. The fact that you meet me here, week after week, through thick and thin, is nothing short of a miracle to me.

Thank you, dear friends. You are a lifeline to me. Really. You are. I adore you.

I love you so much that I made you a pie.

Then a bunch of people I’m related to ate it.
So, I thought I’d give you some internet love instead. I’m also working on a long post of our Thanksgiving pics and hope to share it soon.
1. I wrote a (long) article about my journey to Lutheranism. A lot of you have asked me over the years about it and I finally put paper to pen, so to speak. You can get it from Issues, Etc by clicking the big red button on their main page and subscribing to their journal. Since the winter journal was already sent out, you may have to email them and ask them for a copy of it. Let me know if you have trouble and I’ll get it to you!

2. Speaking of Issues, Etc.——I LOVE the show. It’s a christian internet radio talk show that covers topics from theology to current events to current trends in American christianity. They interview the best guests and cover the most relevant topics. They just did a 24 hour broadcast on the main tenets of christianity as a thank you to their listeners and I’m SO enjoying catching up on it. This podcast on law and gospel by Pastor Bill Cwirla is nothing short of amazing. Please give it a listen. And then listen to anything Jeremy Rhode has to say, especially his series on “The Gospel for Former Evangelicals.” This show is an unbelievable resource for christians and such a powerful witness to any who are interested in the faith. Steve and I have long been committed to supporting the show with our money and prayers and hope you’ll find in them a valuable resource for your faith struggle.

3. I finally updated book club. I’m so behind and will not finish Plato by next week. Since we’re reading Julius Caesar for December and it’s relatively short, I’m gonna keep reading Plato through part of December and save Julius Caesar for Christmas break. If you’re behind and drowning in chores and to-do lists like me, never fear. We’ll get there. Just keep reading! The intro to Plato post is up!

4. The first Sunday in Advent is next week. In preparation, I’ve been busy gathering my supplies. If you’ve never done an Advent devotional/calendar, you should do it this year. It will make Christmas all the more meaningful when you’ve anticipated the coming of His birth with your family. I’ve used many different resources/devotionals but this year, we’re using Dietrich Bonhoeffer’s book called God is in the Manger. Bonhoeffer writes about the faith with a deep, richness that is unparalleled. Steve and I both read Bonhoeffer’s biography by Eric Metaxes this year and we’re both completely enamored by his writing in Life Together. I ordered his Advent book through Amazon and it should be here this week.

I can’t wait to start our nightly Advent readings. I also like this book which has specific readings for lighting the candles.

You can order Advent Candle Set and even a Advent Candle Set which includes the wreath. I just use individual candle holders and arrange them in a circle and then add fresh green to the base. Ann Voskamp has an awesome Advent resource that we’ve used before too. And who doesn’t love Ann?

5. Your comments on this post were life-giving to me. Did I mention that I adore you? I’ve been doing a lot of work on the ‘back end’ of my blog lately—fixing broken links, making sure the content is easy to find, and in general making this place an easy place to visit and navigate and find encouragement. Your suggestions are welcome. Can you find what you need when you need it? I’m also working on my 31 days ebook. I hope to release it mid December. It’s been ALOT of work. ALOT of work. But I hope it’ll be a good resource for you to use and to share with friends.

6. I’ve been pinning a lot lately, in anticipation of decorating for Christmas. Do you pin? It’s like internet crack. Don’t do it. I go in phases. I pin like crazy for an hour and then I don’t pin for a week. My favorite photo from last Christmas was this one. That’s what I want more of this Christmas. Lingering long by the lights. By the Light.

I’m planning on making a lot of handmade gifts with my girls, doing a lot of reading and crafting and using more natural decor. I want an old fashioned Christmas. I want to slow time down. I want to work puzzles and knit and crochet. I want to see plays and listen to Handel’s Messiah. I want to make memories that don’t involve shopping malls. I want to do less and be more. Shall we start a revolution?! I think we shall.

Mwahhhhhh!

My poverty (and yours)

November 19, 2012 by Edie Wadsworth 95 Comments

This week we are swimming in abundance.

I spent the weekend making all manner of preparations. While Stevie smoked back ribs all day yesterday, the rest of us flew into a frenzy of buying and storing and cleaning and prepping and sewing and ciphering. All this to make sure 28 people know how thankful we are to have them in our lives.

Everywhere I turn in my house, there’s excess. I have bowls and stemware and linens and food and candles and silver, galore.

There is wealth and bounty aplenty.

Everywhere, that is, except in me.

It’s the poverty of my own heart that scares me to death.

It’s my inability to be who I was created to be.

It’s my impatience and unkindness to my children—-the lack of grace and love and joy.

It’s the tally of hurts done against me that I keep record of and file away for later use.

It’s the wretched cycle of my own sin that makes me sick.

And when I stood at the end of this week, looking at the trail of brokenness, that’s when I saw the beautiful paradox of want.

This poverty of spirit that plagues me is the beginning of repentance. This is where I find Him.

When I have come to the end of my resources, to the last shred of hope in myself, that’s where He waits.

And the truth is, the sooner we discover this poverty—that we all happen to share—-the sooner we can learn to live from His wealth.

Because everything is His.

And if our hands weren’t so full of our own decaying riches, He’d show us what abundance really looks like.

It looks something like peace, joy, love, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, meekness, temperance, forgiveness.

We may be the richest (most in debt) country on earth but we live in sheer destitution.

Our lives look more like strife, sadness, cruelty, harshness, wickedness, faithlessness, stubbornness, excess, blame.

At least mine does, if I’m honest.

And I hate my inadequacy. I want, for all the world, to be capable and industrious—to have it all figured out, to have the perfectly coiffed life.

And you probably do too.

We don’t want to feel our need, our desperation.

So we hide, we medicate, we pretend, we run, we seek cheap relief wherever it may be found.

But at the end of the that long, scary road of our stubborn self-sufficiency and our rusty heap of riches and our swirling addictions, He waits.

Because He is gentle and kind and faithful and full of peace and forgiveness.

He is love, incarnate.

And He became flesh to know this very pain. He took on this desperate poverty in which we live to give us wealth untold. He is our Father. And our inheritance cannot be measured.

And if we are wise, we will learn to thank Him for those things that remind us of our true condition: the very circumstances that break our hearts and cause us to despair.

Those are His gift to us, to help us see clearly.

By nature, we hate the heartache which drives us to Him and keeps us begging for relief, begging for answers, begging for the scraps from His table.

But from that lack, he will give us heaven.

Let us not forget that it was in desperation that David wrote Psalm 51 and from prison that Paul wrote Ephesians and Colossians.

It’s in our poverty, not our abundance, that He will give us His kingdom.

We don’t have to try to be poor in spirit to receive His kingdom. We are poor in spirit and we must beg Him to show us our emptiness in order that He may fill us with the bounty from His table.

Everything is His. And so everything is yours.

“Taste and see that the Lord is good. Blessed is the man who takes refuge in Him.”

ourpoverty

31 Days of Hospitality::Day 16 Hospitality the size of Texas

October 16, 2012 by Edie Wadsworth 33 Comments

This is day 16 in a 31 day series on hospitality. Start from the beginning here.

I ain’t gonna lie. I’ve got an unhealthy obsession with Texas. Maybe it stems from watching too many Dallas Cowboys’ football games with my brother as a child. Maybe it’s because I subscribe to the motto, “Go big or go home.” Maybe it’s cowboy boots, or George W, or Todd Wilken, or Friday Night Lights.

Whatever the reasons, I pledge my unfailing love to all things Texas.

So when this wonderful group of Lutheran ladies made me part of their fellowship and invited me on a trip to Texas, I couldn’t pack my boots fast enough. This quaint little cottage is where we made our home for 3 days.

And what was so wonderful about this whole thing is that I wasn’t in charge of anything. These amazing women invited me, sent me THE coolest pre-trip goody bag/itinerary, booked the room, arranged the food, planned the shopping, did EVERYTHING and all they asked me to do was show up. I don’t know if I’ve ever been treated so royally in my whole life. Sometimes this kind of serendipitous change of perspective is so timely. I’m usually on the ‘arranging’ end of the equation. The cooking and planning end. The ‘figuring out the details’ end. And what a joy to be so cared for by someone else, who’s gone to so much trouble to make sure everything is perfect. It makes me a little verklempt just to talk about it.

And travel is not really my forte so I was a little nervous about the trip. I don’t like leaving my girls. Stevie’s been known to stalk me on Twitter when I’m gone. I miss my bed. I miss being the one who’s showing all the hospitality. And that morning, I missed my flight. It was a shaky start for an already anxious momma. But when I finally got to Texas, to my girls, I knew I was home. Kellee, Lauren, and Adriane had planned an awesome stay at home dinner with Texas brats on the grill. We talked and laughed and drank wine and did in home pedicures. And then talked some more and ate some more. Then we coveted DeAnn’s new iPhone 5 and tried to resist stealing it from her!

The next day we had so much fun at the very eclectic shops of Fredericksburg. Most of the shops we visited had the same security policy….

There was such a great mix of modern and antique shops—-what a little gem of a town.

And there were a lot of hats and boots for sale. Of course.

Heather and I had so much fun shopping. She’s the cutest pyrex hoarder you’ve ever seen. And she tried on a Texas sized hat to match her Texas sized personality.

It was so amazing to finally meet these girls after emailing and Facebook stalking them for a year. I hope I didn’t overwhelm them with all my squealing and ‘y’all-ing’ and hugging. I was the only Southerner in the group but you’d never know it by the way these girls plan a trip. They thought of everything. Kellee (the oldest of the Dorr sisters) and Lauren did so much to help Adriane with the trip and I loved watching the sisters interact. I WANT TO MEET THEIR PARENTS. How do you raise girls that grow up to be women like this? I’m on a need to know basis. And it needs to be quick. Mine aren’t getting any younger.

The girls included a little trip to Wildseed Farms in our itinerary. We strolled through beautiful gardens while we talked theology and cooking and kids and husbands and boots. You know, the regular stuff.

We visited a local winery with our resident wine expert, Gretchen. Have I told you how much I love and admire her? Well, I do and I do. See, she’s the one who pitched our story to BHG. She is a brilliant thinker/writer/content strategist and just happened to be my roomie. Besides being a great mom, wife, and cook, she’s also wife to my former pastor. As a side note, in this group, there are 3 Lutheran pastors’ wives. And as much as I LOVE Lutheran pastors, I think I love their wives even more.

But I digress. Back to Gretchen.

She interviewed me this week for the Better Homes story and oh my word is she good at what she does. I hope she’s makes me sound smarter than I am because I felt like a bumbling idiot in our interview trying to describe my style and why I do what I do in my home. She is one gifted woman so I’m sure she’ll work a miracle.

We took a lot of pictures which always happens when you’re traveling with bloggers. My multitasking skills come in handy sometimes. I’m sure I instagrammed that moment right after capturing it on 12 cameras.

Then, there was the obligatory boot photo. Jan (who has 6 kids and home schools them and is the coolest little momma ever) has promised me that she’ll move to Bean Station so we can raise our kids together. She lives in Denver but whatevs. Bean Station not a mile high but it is a mile long. Doesn’t that count for something? Isn’t she SOOO completely adorable? Yes, yes she is. Jan was standing nearby when my girls texted me on Friday morning with their burning question of the day:

“How do you make biscuits and gravy?”

It makes a momma proud.

Forget Latin and Greek mythology. These girls need to learn to make a Southern breakfast. Now Jan keeps asking me to make her some biscuits and gravy. Which I will be MORE than happy to do if she’ll hightail it down here.

We finally gave everyone their boots back and dressed up in our best Texas wares and drove to Luchenbach, Texas. With Waylon and Willie and the boys.

(I couldn’t resist.)
Adriane, Kellee, Lauren, DeAnn, Gretchen, Jan, Heather and yours truly.

It was the coolest one horse town I’ve ever seen. The sign said, “Luckenbach, population 3. ” And that ain’t no lie. The town consisted of a dance hall and a bar. We drank beer and watched the most adorable old people dance. And that’s when I decided that Stevie and I need to retire in Texas. We could two step every Friday night in some local dance hall and I could tease my hair and wear red lipstick. Either that or Bean Station needs to get a dance hall.

I want to say thank you to all my new friends. You showed the most wonderful Texas hospitality to me and I’ll be forever grateful. I loved getting to meet you. I loved hearing your stories. I am changed by your love and kindness. Your hospitality to me was such a gift. Mwahhhhh! I hope you’ll all visit me and let me return the favor!

Then there’s the most adorable Lutheran bachelorette of all time—-the brain child of this whole operation—whose wedding I’m now prematurely planning on Pinterest, should you want to follow along. It’s gonna be epic. I’ve appointed myself the official line dance coordinator. I promise to be the most gracious line dance hostess of all time.

I dearly love you my friend. And I think we both shoulda been cowboys.

And for all you folks that aren’t from the South, hurry on down! Time’s a wastin’.

Texas forever.
Amen.

None but Jesus

October 14, 2012 by Edie Wadsworth 28 Comments

My oldest two sweeties are on fall break so I’m soaking them up for a few days.
They sang at my sister’s church this morning so we went there for first service and then on to our beloved First Lutheran.
I know they’re mine and I’m sure I’m all kinds of biased but I LOVE to hear them sing.
Go ahead and hit play. It’ll bless your heart.
And I don’t know about you but my October plate is full to the brim.
I’ll get this series done, don’t you worry but geez have I ever overcommitted myself.
But I’m blocking out all the noise today and creating some quiet, enjoying some worship, and feasting on all the riches His October beauty has to offer.
Hope your Sunday was full to the brim.
This momma’s heart is thankful.

I’m in love with Texas

September 28, 2012 by Edie Wadsworth 41 Comments

I’m in Texas with my girlfriends and on the agenda today is:
visit a field full of wildflowers
go antiquing with a bunch of pyrex hoarders
visit a couple local wineries
tease my hair, put on the boots and big belt and go to Luchenbach dance hall.
yee-haw!!!
As a result of all this Texas fun, I won’t be posting about the Odyssey until Sunday.
Love y’all!
God bless Texas.

And God bless Mumford and Sons. Their new CD is rocking my world.

Just for fun, can you guess which boots are mine?