31 Days of Less and More

“To love means loving the unlovable. To forgive means pardoning the unpardonable. Faith means believing the unbelievable. Hope means hoping when everything seems hopeless.”
― G.K. Chesterton

If there’s anything we need more of in our homes, in our relationships, and in our world, it’s forgiveness.  We’re surrounded by conflict, anger,  hurt feelings, and difficult relationships.  We need a few courageous people to show us what it’s like to be forgiving.  I grew up in a house where forgiveness was the norm, so I’m one of the lucky ones.  I never saw grudge holding or name calling or any of the kind of bitterness that tears families apart. I honestly can’t remember my mom speaking negatively or in anger towards the people in her life.  Only now do I realize how rare a gift that is and how hard it is to actually do on a daily basis.  It takes real courage—the kind of courage that most of us haven’t seen very much in action.  Because you can preach all the sermons you want to your kids about their behavior, but in the end, they’ll probably do what you do—a sobering thought for most of us, or at least for me.

When Stevie and I first got married, we very rarely fought, but when we did, it would last for days.  Days of misery, silence, and heartache.  It was so hard for us to say I’m sorry.  Why is it so hard to confess our faults to others? Why would we rather hold onto the misery of broken relationships?  Because we like to be right.  And we want justice more than we want love.  But if we’re honest with ourselves, we really don’t want to get what we deserve.  We want the people in our life to give us the benefit of the doubt, to be gracious to us, to know us so well that they know what we meant to do or say.  After 13 years of marriage, I can tell you that we have learned to give each other the gift of forgiveness.  A few months ago, we exchanged some unkind words before he left for work and he called me on the way to work to apologize.  His willingness to be vulnerable, to be wrong, was such an act of love to me and it inspires me to do the same for him. It takes courage to forgive.

“Forgiving is love’s toughest work, and love’s biggest risk.  If you twist it into something it was never meant to be, it can make you a doormat or an insufferable manipulator.  Forgiving seems almost unnatural.  Our sense of fairness tells us people should pay for the wrong they do.  But forgiving is love’s power to break nature’s rule.”  ~Lewis B. Smedes

It is life’s toughest work, so don’t be surprised if it doesn’t come easy.  Cultivating a spirit of forgiveness in your home will take time and real effort and patience.

Do your children find it easy to confess their wrongdoing to you or do they hide their faults?    Are you quick to say I’m sorry and quick to forgive or do you hold on to wrong done toward you for far too long?  Sew the seeds of forgiveness in your life and you will find that what blooms in your own heart will be rare and beautiful. Holding onto bitterness chokes out joy and forgiveness is the key to unlocking peace, harmony, and love in your life.  What is choking out your joy today?

Day 3 Assignment:  We’ve all been on the receiving end of wrongdoing and sometimes that wrongdoing is incomprehensible. For most of us though, the offenses done to us by others on a daily basis are minor.  But when those build for weeks and months and years, they become toxic and not dealing with it now sets you up for unexpected outbursts of anger and resentment later.  Someone has probably already come to mind that you need to forgive or that you need to *let off the hook*.   Identify one person who has wronged you and become a source of bitterness in your life.  Write a letter detailing what you are angry about and how that hurt you.  End the letter by writing down how you intend to let go of your bitterness, and by telling that person you will be praying for them daily.  Don’t send the letter, but make a commitment to pray for that person everyday this month.

Be sure to read Ruth’s Day 3,  on Less Bitterness

We couldn’t be happier to have Crystal Paine of Money Saving Mom  joining our challenge this month!  Be sure to check out her wisdom and insight on  less fear and more courage from yesterday’s challenge.

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Who needs the gift of your forgiveness today?

Continue the series with Day 4: Less Comparison, More Self-Confidence.

This is Day 2 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.

(photography by Patty)

She was crowned homecoming queen of her class and she was beautiful.  I always envied her hair and her womanly figure, but mostly, I was baffled by her kindness.  The boy that everybody laughed at was sitting a few seats down from her at lunch that day, and  the cruelty was almost unbearable.  He had Down’s syndrome and they always tried to make him talk, just so they could laugh at him.  Her eyes betrayed her compassion.  From that day on,  the most beautiful girl in the school and the captain of the cheerleading squad,  seemed to make it her personal mission to protect him.  She sat with him, walked with him, laughed with him and pretty soon, everybody started to see what she saw—a lovable and caring person, whose disabilities were only a veil, hiding the treasures of this precious life.  I don’t know if I’ve ever witnessed anything more courageous.

We often think we need courage for the big transitions of life:  courage to go graduate school, courage to try that new sport, courage to adopt a child, courage to launch a business.

There’s the kind of courage that those things require—the kind that’s easy to see and admire.

But there’s a quiet courage of the  everyday.  The courage that’s easy to miss.

It’s the kind of courage that we often overlook or belittle—the courage to stay when we’d rather leave,  the courage to be gracious when we’d rather judge, the courage to be vulnerable when we’d rather build walls, and the courage to lay down our own agendas in order to serve someone else.  I struggle to muster up this kind of courage everyday, but when I do, it’s life-changing—both for me and for those around me.

Everything we will talk about in this series will depend on today.  Do we have the courage to become who we really are?

Will we have the courage take an honest look at ourselves and the way we live everyday?  And in case you haven’t noticed, we’re not exactly living in courageous times.  There aren’t a lot of ordinary heroes left. But we know it when we see it;  when someone performs an act of extraordinary kindness for no apparent reason, when someone goes out of their way to see us and know us and understand us, when a mom stays up with a sick child despite exhaustion,  when a father gets up every single day and goes to work.

Sometimes, courage just means making your beautiful, vulnerable self available to the world.  That is the kind of courage we need more of and it’s within your power to start today.  Become an ordinary hero to the people in your path.  Your courage will be contagious and you will be well on your way to becoming who you were made to be.

Day 2 Challenge:  Identify one small thing you have thought about doing but have been too scared to do.  It could be something as small as trying a new food or a new fitness class at the gym, or perhaps speaking to a crowd, riding a roller coaster, or even confronting someone who has hurt you, Whatever it is, write it down.  Tell your fear out loud that it can’t control you, that you are going to do this one thing even though you are scared.  Then do it!

Next, think of how different your life might be if you were courageous for the people in your life.  If you were open, vulnerable, tender, kind, self-sacrificing, and compassionate. Think of who most needs your courage today and find a few small ways to show them.  Maybe you’ve been fighting with your husband, or yelling at your kids, or maybe you’ve been keeping your heart at a safe distance from everyone in your life.  Whoever’s name comes to mind,  write it down and list 3 ways you can be more courageous in your relationships this week.  Pray for that person everyday and put them right at the top of your ‘to do’ list.  See how your thoughts about them change after a week of loving them with courage.

Be sure to read Ruth’s Day 2 on Less Fear!

Read the next post in the series:  Day 3 on Less Bitterness and More Forgiveness.

(photography by Patty)

This is Day 1 of our 31 Days of Less & More challenge.  To read all the posts in order, start with this post, then visit the Overview Page to see the outline for the whole series.  

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 Last year’s 31 Day Series on Hospitality changed me.  I learned so much as I read and researched and soul searched for that series.  I even turned my writings into an ebook that I published this past January. It was a labor of love, with emphasis on the labor.  (Well, there was a lot of love, too!)

But, I wasn’t sure I’d have the stamina to try it again.  Until.   My dear friend, Ruth, told me of her idea to write about LESS.

Less.  Of everything.

I sat kinda quiet and pondered the trend of LESS.   Maybe I’m just a rebel but I found myself conflicted.  I have watched my favorite people in the world (Ruth included) embrace simplicity and a lifestyle of  LESS in every way and I feel a twinge of guilt as I sit in my office;  home to no less than a thousand books.  I have more than enough of everything and it haunts me at times.  Ironically, though, I’m no stranger to less.  I grew up in a world of less and then lost  everything in a house fire a few years ago.  I always feel like the other shoe is about to drop.  I could get rid of more stuff, no doubt.  I could and I often do.  But having less doesn’t magically bring contentment and peace.  It’s not the answer, in and of itself to what ails our hearts and minds.   If we’re not careful to evaluate our motives,  LESS just becomes our next idol.  Welcome to the wonderful paradox and tension of being human.

We are so easily swept up into the predominating waves and trends of our day.  Or at least I am.  Our grandparents and great grandparents lived through the depression and so they were mercilessly frugal.  Our parents enjoyed the kind of economy that made hoarding even possible and they taught us to be consumers.  We push back and rage against the machine and get rid of  all our stuff, often to fill the void with something else.  What I think is more important is the why question.

Why do we do what we do?  

Why do we over consume?

 And is minimalism always or even necessarily the answer?

My portion of the series will provide a little push back to Ruth’s LESS— giving some thoughts and suggestions on what we could use more of in our lives.  What can we do with our selves, our stuff, our homes—to better serve those around us? Can we use our MORE and our LESS to serve our families and our world better?

Ruth and I are so excited to share this series with you this month.   Our hope and prayer is that it will offer  inspiration and encouragement, as we all seek to use your resources and our gifts to bless, no matter how few or how many those gifts and resources may be.  We hope this series provides some nourishment for your soul and the courage to make a series of small adjustments that can together add up to a big change.  LESS? Yes.  But, also MORE.  Each post will be short—500 words or less—and will give you one small assignment or task to focus on each day.  You can do as many or as few of these tasks as you feel able.  Our goal isn’t to stress you out, but to offer practical tips and encouragement as we walk through this journey together.

The series will be broken up into three main parts.  Part One—days 2-11—will focus on filling our lives with less heartache and more joy.  Next, Part Two—days 12-21—will focus on creating less stress but more peace.  Finally, Part Three—days 22-31—will hone in on our physical spaces and focus on having less stuff but more contentment.

 

31 Days of Less and More—Will you join us?

We will be encouraging lots of support and discussion on our Facebook pages, so be sure to “like” both Living Well Spending Less and Life in Grace on Facebook if you don’t already!

Be sure to read Ruth’s post HERE! 

TODAY’S CHALLENGE:

Commit to joining us for 31 days of Less & More!  Public accountability is a powerful motivator, so we strongly encourage you to let others know that you are IN!  Leave a comment below or on the Lifeingrace Facebook Page.  Even better, post about this challenge on your personal page so that your own friends & family can encourage and challenge you, or perhaps even join you!

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Are you ready for this challenge?  What are your fears or concerns?  What are you most excited about?

 

 

Every year in October, my  beloved friend, Myquillin, hosts a totally awesome 31 Days series.  This will be my 3rd year to join in and I couldn’t be more excited!  After our house fire in 2010, I wrote 31 Days to Rebuilding Your Heart and Home.  Last year, I wanted to find ways to use our home to bless others so I wrote 31 Days to a Heart of Hospitality.  As many of you know, I turned that series into an ebook, which you have been so gracious to support.  I couldn’t be more thankful for your love and encouragement.

To be honest, committing to writing everyday for 31 days, in the middle of fall and school and life, is daunting and I wasn’t sure I wanted to do it again.  This spring, my dear friend, Ruth,  told me about her idea to write about one of her favorite topics—LESS—for the series this fall.  I pushed back a little.  I know that LESS is now all the rage and I think we all have areas in our lives where we could and should learn to live with less.  But, there are also things we need more of and that’s where the discussion got interesting.  In other words, our little debate over LESS and MORE turned into a neat idea for a little series that we can’t wait to share with you.  We’ve been working hard for a couple months already to bring you , 31 Days of Less and More:  Less Heartache—More Joy, Less Stress—More Peace, Less Stuff—More Contentment.  

We would be honored to have you follow along with us.  To subscribe to my blog posts, click here!

If you’re interested in learning more about the 31 Days and writing a series yourself, the Nester will get you started.

Are you planning on writing a series this year?  Tell me all about it!