31 Days of Less and More

This is Day 9 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.

“Fairy tales say that apples were golden only to refresh the forgotten moment when we found that they were green. They make rivers run with wine only to make us remember, for one wild moment, that they run with water.” ~G.K. Chesterton

Stop right where you are and look around you.  What do you see?  Probably normal things like furniture, paper, trees, pencils, maybe even an animal or a child.  Now, pick one of those things and look at it carefully, think about its usefulness or its beauty or its intrinsic value.  How many times do you brush right past that object or person, without a second thought or glance.  If you’re like me, you take everything in your life for granted—without slowing down enough to delight in all the colors and textures of life.   We have grown old and tired and boring.  It takes SO much to wow us, to impress us, to fill us with awe.

We have lost our sense of wonder and delight.  We are dull and aloof about life; we are disinterested and indifferent or maybe our joy has been shrouded by the harshness of this life.

We have been robbed us of this child-like fascination with life in a million ways— tragedy, illness, job loss,  family strife, depression, wealth, or maybe just the piling of a hundred  humdrum days.

Life is every shade of complicated,  no doubt.  But, perhaps, part it of is that we have just grown dull.  The days are strung together  in monotone,  the stresses and busyness of life leave us exhausted, and we have lost the nerve to believe that this day is full of all the hope and mystery of heaven.  We’ve lost our curiosity and our imagination—which means we’re in danger of losing our capacity for empathy.

The cure is simple and starts in fairy land.

 The capacity for wonder and delight can be recovered by admitting we’ve been wrong.  We’ve take the world for granted.  We’ve forgotten to be inspired by the apple.  We’ve forgotten to be amazed that the sun rises every single morning.  We’ve lost the will to see the miracles that surround us every day.

G.K. Chesterton would go a step farther and say that the cure is fairy tales, for they taught us something beautiful about the world.

Exactly what the fairy tale does is this: it accustoms us for a series of clear pictures to the idea that these limitless terrors had a limit, that these shapeless enemies have enemies in the knights of God, that there is something in the universe more mystical than darkness, and stronger than fear.”

He goes on to say that fairy tales don’t teach us evil, we’re fully aware of that already—they teach us that evil can be overcome.  And the wonder and delight with which a child hears a fairy tale is the same wonder and delight with which we are to see the world.  Yes, the world is harsh and full of disappointment, but don’t forget about the part in the story where the dragon slayer comes and saves fairy land.  Open your eyes to the fairy tale all around you.

Day 9 Challenge:  Think of a recent disappoint you’ve experienced.  Maybe someone let you down or something you really wanted to happen didn’t.  How did you respond to the disappointment?  Did it make you want to give up or work harder.  How could you turn that disappointment into an opportunity for growth.  Next, think of the last time you did something as simple as sit down with your child to read a favorite fairy tale or watch the sunset or even star gaze with your favorite person?   Take some time today  to enjoy the miracles of everyday life. If you open your eyes to see them, they are everywhere.

 

Be sure to read Ruth’s corresponding post on Less Disappointment.

We are thrilled to have Crystal Paine of Money Saving Mom joining our Less & More challenge this month!  Be sure to check out her thoughts on Less Judgement, More Acceptance from  yesterday’s post!

This is Day 8 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.

“Life is bristling with thorns, and I know no other remedy than to cultivate one’s garden.”
― Voltaire

Acceptance is a funny thing.  We all crave it from each other but we often don’t easily give it to each other. What we find easy to do is judge, find fault, and exclude. But do you have any idea what a beautiful gift it is to welcome someone, with open arms, into your circle;  to accept them wholeheartedly into your life?  We all know what it’s like to be excluded, to be judged and found wanting;  but the joy of true acceptance is something we all remember with fondness.

I have two 7th graders that just went back to *real* school, after being homeschooled for five years.  I know they’re mine and I’m probably a teeny bit prejudiced, but I think they are completely adorable. They’re cute, bright, talented, sweet, quick to apologize, and easy to please.  I wasn’t really too worried about them fitting in.  But, they were.  Because fitting in is the craving of our hearts.  We want to be seen and known and loved.  I coached them over and over to not worry so much about whether they are being accepted, but to make sure they are accepting others into their lives.  Don’t wait to be taken in to someone else’s circle.  Take someone into yours.

Groups of people form naturally by the likes and interests of the people involved.  But lurking closely is temptation to what C.S. Lewis, in his book The Weight of Glory  calls the ‘inner ring’.   And we often perceive that we are somehow just ‘outside’ it.   You know the ‘inner ring’ well from high school;  the group of girls that are inseparable and exist for the sole purpose of excluding everyone else from their circle.   The group is usually not a natural, organic group that forges easily because of the like interests shared by the parties.   It’s a group that has the appearance of  including the ‘important people’ or the ‘people in the know’.   And the basis for its existence is exclusion.  

The allure for the inner ring only works if there’s an imaginary line of admittance which is guarded tightly by those already inside, with very arbitrary rules about who gets in. Over the years, as I’ve studied people and read a lot, I’ve come to certain sympathy for the excluders or the mean girls as we call them.  Without knowing it, we’ve all been mean girls from time to time.  And more often than not, it’s insecurity that fuels their behavior.  And we  are all at times  selfish, prejudice, insecure, arrogant, and afraid.

But here’s one thing that is true.  You can spend your whole life hiding inside your exclusive inner ring and you may  never know the joy of true relationship. Opening yourself to others is dangerous. Accepting others into your life and heart can be risky business.  But, your willingness to be alive and vulnerable and accepting will change your life and theirs.

Stop waiting for those certain people to make you part of their group.  Plant your own beautiful garden—and tend it well.

When you extend your heart to someone in love and acceptance, you are offering life to them, in world hell bent on hate and judgement.

You are cultivating something in your life either way—it might as well be roses.

Day 8:  Think of someone you have been unfairly critical of or judgemental towards.  What assumptions did you make about them and their situation.  Now,  think of a time when someone has judged you unfairly or given you the benefit of the doubt.  How did you feel?  What is something  you could do today to show compassion to someone in your life.

 

Be sure to read Ruth’s corresponding post, Less Judgement.

Are you often critical and judgemental of others?  When the first critical thought enters your mind today, stop yourself and give that person the benefit of the doubt. 

What kind of garden are you cultivating?

This is Day 7 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.

“A quiet secluded life in the country, with the possibility of being useful to people to whom it is easy to do good, and who are not accustomed to have it done to them; then work which one hopes may be of some use; then rest, nature, books, music, love for one’s neighbor — such is my idea of happiness.”  ~Leo Tolstoy

As much as I love that quote by Tolstoy and as much as I would love to live that kind of life, it seems like a faraway dream.  A quiet life, full of useful work, rest, books, music?  How about a hectic life fragmented by  running hither and yon, in a tireless effort to keep all the balls in the air, for who knows what reason, except that everyone else is doing it?  Nobody  dreams of that. Ever.   And yet, that’s how we live.  Our world is one big ball of stress and we are often its unfortunate victims.

The constant presence of screens in our lives doesn’t help either.  There’s always something going on. The world never sleeps.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

If your life has no margin, no space for rest and reading and music and walks in the park, then you must cultivate that space on purpose and protect it from all the things that would threaten to choke it out.

We all have seasons in our lives where there’s no slack, no room to breathe, but those seasons too easily to take over and become our new normal.  Anxiety and stress are like cancers that invade our brain space and our emotional life and make it almost impossible for us to enjoy what’s happening around us.

We all need margin in our lives—for our own sanity and for the sake of serving others.  I promise you that nearly every good thing that happens in your life happens in the space between you and your schedule.  And if you can’t remember the last time you had one of those moments that took your breath away—by watching the sunset, or noticing how the light dances off your daughter’s hair, or some other such life-giving moment, then you probably don’t have enough margin.  And when we lose margin, we lose our humanity.

Margin is the space between us and our limits.   It’s  what gives us the time and compassion to listen and serve and love.

Here are some tips that may help you find more rest:

• Ruthlessly look at your weekly/monthly schedule.  Is it full to the gills?  Is there any ‘white space’, any space devoted to just being?  Does what you see match up with the hopes and dreams you had for your life?  Be honest.  It’s not gonna change itself, but if you will purposefully try to make a few small changes—cut the things you can, do well the things you do—I think you’ll find more room for breathing and living.
• Evaluate your sleep.  Do you get enough sleep?  Do you realize how important it is to rest and rest well?  We spend one third of our lives in bed for a reason—we are creatures created for REST! Don’t wear the badge of honor that you don’t need sleep.  We all need it and plenty of it.
•  Plan some down time in the near future.  Go for a hike, read a book, play Scrabble with your kids, make some homemade bread or a pretty linen flower, take a nap or  guitar lessons.  Do something that will feed your soul and then find a way to make a habit of doing it.

 Day 7 Challenge:  Take some time today to do something kind for yourself that you don’t normally make time for.  Read a book, take a bath, bake cookies, get a pedicure, take a walk, sit and watch the sunset with your favorite glass of wine, do some yoga.  Give yourself at least 60 minutes today to rest and recharge.    Share what you did or what you are planning to do today on Ruth’s Facebook page!

 

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Are you a frazzled mess? Can you carve out some rest today?

This is Day 6 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.

Grace has been defined as the outward expression of the inward harmony of the soul. ~William Hazlitt

Before the fire, I had a picture of Taylor, at age 18 months,  banging on a banjo at his grandpa’s house.  He’s been strumming on strings ever since I can remember and it’s one of things I miss most about him being away for college.  When he started his band in high school, they would occasionally have Caiti sing with them, and then I could hardly contain my joy.

There is something magical about sibling harmony.

She knows exactly what note to sing and when to sing it.  It’s almost like she’s reading his mind.  They know each other so well and they’ve sung together so much that the harmony seems to come easy.

But.  I’ve heard their practice sessions and oh, the bantering.  She tells him it’s too high;  he tells her it’s not.  She tells him it’s too loud; he plays louder.

Harmony is not the absence of conflict, but instead the yielding of that conflict toward peace.  The yielding is purposeful and smart.  Yield too far and you lose the harmony.  But refuse to yield and everything is off.  God will make beautiful things of us, as we courageously seek to yield ourselves to each other in forgiveness, service and love.

We live in a world of discord and we can either participate in its chaos or seek to be gracious agents of harmony.

The word harmony comes from the Greek word, harmos, which means joint—implying a working together or a flexibility.  That willingness to accomodate, to be flexible, to be agreeable,  is something I saw everyday,  growing up in the South—but it’s certainly not unique to Southerners.  We all know it when we see it.  We appreciate being around people who are easy to be with, who can blend themselves well with others—by laying down some of their own prejudices or strong opinions.   When we create this kind of harmony in our little circle of influence, it ripples out much farther than we know.

Harmony doesn’t mean we’re all playing the same note.  It specifically means we aren’t.  Harmony does not imply weakness, but great strength and command of your gifts and faculties—knowing just what to sing and when to sing it.   To bend and flex and yield to others is to show grace in the most tangible of ways.

The world is harsh enough.  Chaos reigns.   The conflict makes for bad music and our ears are all ringing from its discord.

There is a way to react to the friction—a perfect note to sing—that will dissolve so many of life’s struggles and conflicts.  It takes work.  It takes practice.

But, a life lived in harmony—yielded to others—will make beautiful music in a noisy, clanking world.

 

 Day 6 Challenge: Identify a situation in your life where there is conflict, resentment, or discord.  It could be in a friendship, family situation, or group you are a part of.  Take an honest look at your own contribution and culpability to this particular situation, then think of one or two things you could do today to help resolve the conflict, ease the tension, or move towards reconciliation.

Be sure to read Ruth’s corresponding post, Less Discord.

This is Day 5 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.

 “I slept and dreamt that life was joy. I awoke and saw that life was service. I acted and behold, service was joy.”
― Rabindranath Tagore

This is a hill I’m willing to die on.  Just ask my children. I remind them all the time to think of others first.  (I’m probably just reminding myself.)  This has been my battle cry since I can remember.  Maybe it’s the Southern Hospitality thing—I did write a whole ebook about the subject.  But even so, even with my intense love and  passion for the subject of serving others, we’re all the same—hopelessly self-centered.

It takes work—real work—to put a dent in the selfishness we are all born with.  It doesn’t happen just because you get older.  It doesn’t happen because you have served others well in the past.  It happens when you make a daily, sometimes hourly, commitment to serve the people in your life. And this will look differently for each of us.  But one thing I notice is this;  when I’m busy serving others I don’t have much time wallow in self-pity or to bask in self-congratulations.  

Serving others is the cure for what ails us.  And there’s far too little of it in our world today. Or least far too little of it in my own life.

Here are 3 practical ways to serve those you love and live with everyday.

• A Loving Meal

It’s so underrated, but cooking for people is one of the best ways to show them you care. We live in a world of fast and frozen food.  Most people don’t enjoy home-cooked meals everyday, so this is a sure fire way to bless someone.  I often double my recipes so that I have extras to give away.  Some of my favorite recipes to serve others are soups and I have a whole list of them on my blog.  Go all out and make homemade bread, too!

• A Listening Heart 

If there is one gift you can give another human being,  it is a listening heart.   Nothing validates us, makes us whole, helps us become who we are meant to be, as much as to be heard.  But we don’t listen well, do we?  We are busy, distracted, stressed, overworked, overburdened, anxious,  and selfish.   We don’t listen because we don’t make space for others in our hearts.  Ask  your kids or your spouse if they feel like you really listen to them.  And then make a commitment to do so with more purpose.

• Acts of Kindness

Do you remember the last time someone showed extraordinary kindness to you for no apparent reason?  Doesn’t it just make your day?  Doesn’t it inspire you to do it for others?  But how often do we let our busyness get in the way of serving others?  Don’t let another day go by without surprising someone with kindness and love. Write that note, make that phone call, say that kind word, smile more than you need to, make someone’s day, and I promise you won’t regret it. Instead of a to-do list, make a to-serve list.

What is it that keeps you from serving others?  Time, pride, selfish interest.  I say yes to all three for myself.  But, when we  make room for others and their beautiful struggle, it lightens our load, too.

When we learn to really listen and care for others, when we incline our hearts to someone else, we become who we were really meant to be—not self-centered and self-focused but giving and generous and full of love and grace.

 Day 5 Challenge: Do something, anything, to serve someone else today.  Tell us what you did or plan to do on Edie’s Facebook page!  We’d love to hear your thoughts and ideas.

Be sure to check out Ruth’s Day 5 Post on Less Self-Centeredness.

We are thrilled to have Crystal Paine of Money Saving Mom joining our Less & More challenge this month!  Be sure to check out her thoughts on less comparison & more confidence from  yesterday’s post!

This is Day 4 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.

Day 4 Less Comparison, More Self-Confidence

 You will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom.  Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will find it. ~C.S. Lewis

We’re all guilty of it, let’s just be honest.  We look around and see people who seem to have it all.  We wonder why we struggle in certain areas, why we’ve been given this particular set of circumstances, why  we aren’t more gifted or beautiful, or why everyone else seems to be gliding by so effortlessly.  And if we’re not careful, we start to develop bitterness toward the people we’re comparing ourselves to.  Find comfort in this:  think of the most wonderful, successful, kind, blessed person you can think of and know that she is comparing herself to someone too—and she’s not measuring up.  It’s a pitiful cycle that we can all get caught up in and it steals our joy and contentment.

And none of us are exempt.  

Actually, the women we most compare ourselves to—the ones that seem to have it all—are often the ones who struggle most with insecurity and self-doubt.

I know an adorable little 16 year old who has nearly every conceivable advantage in the world;  she has beautiful, long, thick tresses, she’s a very gifted dancer, she has a charming personality, and is well liked by everyone.  But, she’s plagued with self doubt.  She’s always comparing herself to others and always feeling inadequate.  One day she asked me if I thought she looked okay.  She wondered if her outfit really *matched*  and if I thought what she was wearing was in style. I told her that her peers were looking to her for what’s in style and that what makes a woman most beautiful is when she’s comfortable in her skin.

But, we all have vestiges of our insecure 16 year old selves, making us doubtful and crazy, don’t we?

Lean in, pretty momma, because I have something important to tell you.

You are beautiful.  You are enough.  You are just who God made you to be, in every way.

And once you let that sink in, it will slowly begin to change your view of yourself and your interaction with others.

Our tendency to compare ourselves to others makes us more self-centered than we ought to be.  And once we settle into our own skin—comfortable with who we were made to be—we can finally stop focusing on ourselves and start spending that valuable energy on how we can best serve and love those around us.

The truth is, comparing ourselves to others doesn’t just steal our joy, it robs those around us of the rare gift of a woman who has learned to give her uniqueness to the world.

Lay down the comparison, the self doubt, the insecurity, and start offering your gifts to the world.  We need you.

Day 4 Assignment:  Think of that one person that you most compare yourself to.  Write down her name.  Write down all of her wonderful traits, all the things you think of when you think of her. And now try to imagine  her trials and heartaches—the things she’s struggles the most with.  Think about what her life might really be like behind closed doors.  Pray for her.  Maybe even send her a note telling her how much she has inspired you over the years.  In other words, be thankful for her and for people like her, who raise the bar for all of us.  Perhaps we compare ourselves to her because she has learned to be comfortable in her skin and live in gratitude and service for the people in her life.  And over the next month, every time you catch yourself comparing, stop and give thanks, and tell yourself, “I am enough.”

Be sure and check out Ruth’s post on Less Comparison.

 

We couldn’t be happier to have Crystal Paine of Money Saving Mom  joining our challenge this month!  Be sure to check out her beautiful story and insight on  less bitterness and more forgiveness  from yesterday’s challenge.