31 Days of Less and More

This is Day 14 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.

The Teen Room

“Communication is truth; communication is happiness. To share is our duty; to go down boldly and bring to light those hidden thoughts which are the most diseased; to conceal nothing; to pretend nothing; if we are ignorant to say so; if we love our friends to let them know it.”  ~Virginia Wolf

It never fails.  Every time I head out for a run, I get about a mile down the road and one of my girls calls or texts. It’s usually about food—what should they eat, why can’t I bring Chick-Fil-A, etc.  The point is, if I never run a marathon due to phone call interruptions during training, that’s on them.  The truth is, I like it that way.  This past Saturday, I was out for  a 7 mile run and fielded no less than 3 phone calls about what they should have for breakfast and what show they should watch and did I remember the name of the condo where Taylor Swift lives.  You know, life-threatening, run-interrupting stuff.   I wouldn’t have it any other way.  Anytime the teens and tweens wanna talk, I’m all ears.

But often, my phone is not a bridge from me to others.  Often, it’s a barrier.  I LOVE my iPhone and I have a plethora of apps that make it nearly impossible to put the darn thing down.  I can almost run my whole life from my phone.  I do mobile banking, read my Kindle books, pin like a crazy woman,  stalk you good folks on Facebook and Instagram, and listen to all kinds of good tunes.  That’s one handy device, there’s no doubt about it.  Everyday, I marvel at the ingenuity of and creativity of that little handheld computer. But, it’s so easy to become a slave to it—to use it as a barrier that shields us  from true communication, to prefer the mindless surfing to actual talking and connecting.  It’s so hard to keep it in balance because they are so addictive.

And that’s why I sit on the bed.  They like to tell their stories and they love hearing mine.  Maybe what happens in the next few crucial years will depend on how many hours we sit on the bed.  The phone, as smart as it is, can’t help me here.  She needs me, in the flesh and undistracted. I hope I have the courage to sit a good, long while.

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I constantly have to ask myself if I’m using my phone or is it using me?  Here’s a few tips that help me use it better.

• Ask anyone who’s ever tried to reach me on the weekend.  It’s not very easy.  I often leave my phone in the car over the weekend, only to discover a host of missed calls on Sunday or Monday.  I don’t always even do it intentionally, but I love old fashioned weekends, full of good books, good food and less technology.  Try it.  You might like it.
• I keep a daily to-do list/journal and often will write down a friend or two that I want to try to connect with during the week.  If I’m not intentional about it, it usually doesn’t happen.
• I don’t take my phone to bed with me.  I charge it in my office, so I’m not tempted to start and end my day with it.
• I often intentionally leave it in the car when I’m going somewhere so I’ll be able to connect with real live people and not be tempted to constantly check the phone.

Challenge Day 14:  Carve out some smartphone free time or space in your day.  Ask your spouse for an honest evaluation of your smart phone usage, then together create a few smart phone policies to implement in your life and family.

Be sure to read Ruth’s post, Less Smart Phone.

Hope you had a great weekend!  I’ve got a few goodies to share with you!

Great thoughts and ideas about decorating for teen girls.  I couldn’t agree more!

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Love this Bedroom Makeover at LizMarie blog.

Tis the season for all things pumpkin.  Try this pumpkin spiced latte.

 Or my pumpkin muffins.  Or pumpkin chipotle chicken soup. 

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And last, but not least, the Creative Made Home Holidays course starts this week!!!  This video is a personal introduction to the course from our lovely leader,  Jeanne Oliver.

This course is more than project videos and recipes.  It is about the heart of the holidays.  You will be so inspired at the end of this four weeks, that you’ll never look at the holidays quite the same again.

To read more about the course, visit here.  Sign up today through this paypal link.

 

 

 

One last thing.  I did an interview with KFUO St. Louis last week on leaving my career to homeschool the girls.

 

This is Day 13 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.

Let us all then leave behind letters of love and friendship, family and devotion, hope and consolation, so that future generations will know what we valued and believed and achieved. ~Marian Wright Edelman, foreword from Letters to a Nation

Several years ago, I embarked on a rather large adventure of reading the letters that John and Abigail Adams wrote to each other.  I read the ones in this book, The Letters of John and Abigail Adams,  and then searched for many others online.  I sat every night, spellbound, as I marveled at the discipline, love and skill it must have taken to write those volumes of letters.  I was completely inspired and thankful, to be the heir of such a generous legacy.

It sparked a love and interest for handwritten notes that still lives on in me.   I LOVE the beauty of the written word and I always am writing things down in my daily journal.  As much as I love and use my computer, nothing will ever replace pen and paper for me.  And I only use one certain kind of pen—so to avoid the horrors of writing with a bad pen.  I have five or six of them in my purse, ten or so in my car, a few at my desk, and two by my bed.  Penless, I shall never be.  Sadly,  I have regrettable handwriting, or at least that’s what my kids tell me.  One thing is for sure, I make large, flowery letters and have a barely legible signature.  But, I do have an incurable love for writing with a pen and I think it’s a lost art that we would do well to recover.

I do much less handwriting than I used to but I still love sending and receiving hand-written notes.  Every year at Christmas and birthdays, I usually take a little time and write my kids a love letter.  I remind them how much I love them and I like to name specific qualities about them that I admire.  By far, the most special part of the process is that it’s in my  hand-writing.  And I feel the same way when I receive hand written notes.  They are special and far too rare.

I have a little gem of a book called, The Art of the Handwritten Note: A Guide to Reclaiming Civilized Communication.  The author says,

Corresponding on paper lets you elevate a simple pleasure into an art form.  And art has always survived technology.  A handwritten note is like dining by candlelight instead of flicking on the lights, like making a gift instead of ordering one, like taking a walk instead of driving. When you write a note, you are giving yourself to the reader in the most civilized way.”

With the onslaught of digital everything, most of us are out of the practice of handwriting.  But this beautiful form of art and expression is never dated and never loses it charm.  And how many of us shuffle through our mail everyday, in hopes that maybe there’s one or two things handwritten?  I always open those first.  So, make someone’s day and handwrite them a note!

Challenge Day 13:  Now, it’s time to write a note.  First, search around and find your best pen and some paper or stationary.   Next, find a comfortable, well-lit spot to write.   Then, write a letter to your spouse or to each of your children—being sure to include the date, time, a loving greeting, and meaningful, heartfelt sentiments.   It doesn’t have to be long or complicated, just a few sentences expressing yourself in love to someone. If you’re more inclined toward the artistic side of letter writing, consider some calligraphy pens and good stationary.   A few years ago, I bought some calligraphy pens and handwrote all my Christmas cards.  It was so much fun to give and my family and friends were happy to receive them.

Be sure to read Ruth’s corresponding post, Less Email.

This is Day 12 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.

“Each friend represents a world in us, a world possibly not born until they arrive, and it is only by this meeting that a new world is born.”
~Anais Nin

Today, begins part 2 of our series, where we focus on less stress and more peace.  I can’t think of a better place to start than social media.  I remember being completely overwhelmed at the first blogging conference I ever went to when we were  told all the plethora of ways we should be involved in social media.  But, let me tell you what I’ve learned over 5 years of blogging and social media participation—the goal for me is relationship.

And these relationships have changed my life.  

My first blog crush was Myquillin.  She introduced me to a new way of thinking about my home and she has given me the gift of friendship in so many ways. She speaks my love language and  I can’t imagine my world without her.

Patty helped give me new eyes.  The way she sees and photographs the everyday mysteries of life dazzles me.  She may be the kindest, most generous person I’ve ever met.

Ruth inspires me everyday.  She works harder than anyone I know.  She has fought past so many obstacles and yet she is not sullied by them.  She is loyal and beautiful and brave.

These kinds of friendships, online or offline, don’t blossom overnight.  They require time and effort and way more than 140 characters per message.  These are women that I love and pray for, that I email, call, skype, text,  meet for coffee, and even meet for weekend retreats.  These are women who have introduced me to new worlds—to new ways of seeing and living and working.  This is friendship, the old fashioned way.  It is one of life’s greatest gifts.

Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE social media. Try  following me on Pinterest or Instagram for a day or two and you’ll see that I’m no stranger to the beauty and lure of it all of the things social media has to offer.   But, mostly what I love about it is the chance of connecting with people in hopes of true relationship and community.  And you can’t have that with 300 or 3,000 people—so I try to cultivate it with a few.  Friendship takes time to grow and nurture and blossom and we all have a limited amount of time and energy to give.

Don’t let social media rob you of the joys of true friendship.  Let it, instead, be another avenue for fostering and growing relationships with deep roots and abundant fruit.

Action:   Do an internal Facebook audit.  Are there so-called friends in your feed who are driving you crazy or causing you stress?  Un-friend them.  Remove yourself from groups you’re not interested in, un-like any pages you are no longer interested in, and turn off all notifications.    Then do the same for any other social media networks you participate in.

Now, spend some time thinking of people in your real life circle.  Think of two people that you love and respect that you’d like to cultivate deeper friendships with and write them down.  Pray for that person, invite them for coffee, send notes of encouragement or short texts or emails.

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Be sure to read Ruth’s corresponding post, Less Social Media.

Also, a real life friend of mine just started a blog and I am giddy for her.  This has been years in the making and you will cry and laugh and be blessed!

Meet my friend, Trish, who lost her sister a few Octobers ago, who’s life was changed forever, and is now giving birth to a life of words.

 

(photography by Keely Scott)

“[Gratitude] turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos into order, confusion into clarity…it makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow.”

We are reaching a turning point in this series.  For the past week, we’ve talked about what is at the heart of less and more.  Perhaps the whole series hinges on today, on one little word called gratitude.  I would go so far as to say that the character and quality  of all your days  hinges on it, too.  

Gratitude is the secret key that unlocks the door to joy.

I would dare say that if you think of the person in your life who seems the happiest and most contented, they have learned to live from a place of gratitude.

It seems I’m always learning life’s most important lessons the hard way.  Many of you were here three years ago when our house burned to the ground in the middle of the night, three days before Christmas.  We barely escaped with our lives and were left, barely clothed, on the edge of the yard, watching our dreams burn to the ground.  We were devastated, our hearts were torn into.  The days and months that followed feel like a blur, but one of the things I remember thinking was how I had taken so many little things for granted.  How many times I had I said, “I have nothing to wear,”  as I try to barely squeeze out of my overstuffed closet.  Now literally, with nothing to wear, I began to see the absurdity of it all.  We do the same thing when we look into our pantries or our skill sets or our bank accounts.  Enough is never enough.  Not until gratitude cures us of our blindness.

When I traveled to Nicaragua this summer, I had another rude awakening.  My heart was shattered again, as I visited the ramshackle lean-to of our sponsored girlie, Diana.  I imagined what her beautiful mother would think if she were able to see into my pantry or my closet or my ungrateful heart.  We have to be willing to acknowledge that we don’t see things aright, that our point of view is askew because of the tremendous wealth we have always known in this country.

Perhaps these moments of clarity—these times of loss and struggle and awakening—are just more gift, in disguise.

 They help us to see, they cause us to remember, they lead us to thankfulness.

 Gratitude is a daily, hourly, minute by minute remembering.  It takes courage to look around you, in every circumstance, and learn to say thank you.

Challenge Day 11:  List one or two  areas in your life where you feel the least content.  Do you find yourself wishing for something more or longing for something better than what you already have? How do you think your life would be different if you got what you were longing for?  Would you still want something more?   Now, list 5 things you are truly grateful for in your life.  Share your gratitude list with us on Facebook today.

“In the end, though, maybe we must all give up trying to pay back the people in this world who sustain our lives. In the end, maybe it’s wiser to surrender before the miraculous scope of human generosity and to just keep saying thank you, forever and sincerely, for as long as we have voices.” ~Elizabeth Gilbert

I traveled to Nicaragua this summer with Shaun Groves and Compassion International.  I’m still reeling from it.  Today, perhaps, even as you read this, I’ll be talking about my trip publicly for the first time, so I hope you’ll pray for me. My suitcase was packed to the gills with gifts when I left the airport that steamy June Sunday, but it didn’t take me long to figure out that I wasn’t the one bringing the gifts that mattered. Our meager attempts at generosity will always be heaped back on us a hundred fold.

When I met my sponsored child, Diana, for the first time, I was gripped with emotion.  Her dark eyes seemed to see right through me.  I knew right away that she was one of those little ones with an old soul, who knows way more than she can articulate.  We became fast friends over hand games and lip gloss and nail polish.  We sat on her cardboard bed, playing games, getting to know each other,  and hoping that time would stand still.  On the day I was leaving, she held tight to my hand and asked if I was coming back.  She’s too young to care about what $38 a month means, but she knows when hope has been planted in the heart.  I had the same gift given to me and it changed the trajectory of my life forever.

Generosity is not about money. It’s about relationship.  It’s about giving ourselves away to others in ways that matter.  I don’t think David Cross ever gave me money. He gave me hundreds of hours of his time. He gave me love, acceptance, and hope.  All the things money can never buy.  My heart is full of gratitude to him and to all the people who have poured themselves into my life.

What if we are uniquely gifted and situated to bless the very people that happen to cross our paths everyday?  What if they aren’t there by chance?  What if we were looking, everyday, for those people in our lives that we are meant to shower with time and hope and love?  Our offerings, however meager or great, might just change the world.

Day 10 Challenge:  Identify something in your life you are reluctant to share.  Is it your time, your resources, your heart, your best effort?  What holds you back from giving yourself away to others?  Is it fear?  Is it self-centeredness?  Worry, that there won’t be enough left for yourself?  Look for ways to share your wealth, your resources,  and your time with others. Do it today.   Maybe you’ve been wanting to sponsor a child, or maybe you’ve thinking about volunteering your time at a soup kitchen or pregnancy crisis center.  You have so much to give and share.  Your unique gifts and offerings were meant to be lavished on others.  Lavish away!

 

For information on sponsoring a child, click here.

Be sure to read Ruth’s corresponding post, Less Greed.