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life{in}grace

live with more presence, passion, & purpose

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Nourishing Words……

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“I am so glad that you have come. I will pour out everything inside me so you may leave this table satisfied and fortified. Blessings on your eyes. Blessings on your children. Blessings on the ground beneath you. My heart is a ladle of sweet water, brimming over.”
                                                      Anita Diamant, The Red Tent

This is one of my favorite quotes……..from one of my favorite all-time books, The Red Tent. The book is work a of fiction about the life of Dinah…..the only daughter of Jacob. (taken from the account in Genesis).  It’s a fantastic book and I highly recommend it.  I have this quote printed on pretty paper and framed  and sitting on my kitchen counter, right beside where I cook.  It helps me…..when I’m tired or stressed and trying to make food…..to  remember how I feel about those who sit at my table everyday.  It reminds me to not just go through the motions of cooking…..but to do it with joy and gladness so that I can truly ‘serve’ those I love……literally nurturing and sustaining them.  And you know what?  It makes the food taste better.   I’m sure of it.  Isn’t our attitude about things powerful like that?
I was listening to this yesterday on my favorite radio show, Issues Etc.,  and it helped me to see….for the first time ever…..that a wife really is a picture of the bride of Christ…..the Church. She is the means by which God  gives birth to its members through  the regeneration of baptism and the means by which He sustains and nourishes its members through the very body and blood of Christ at the Lord’s Supper.   So my vocation of wife and mother is not trivial.  And my uniqueness as the life-giving, life-sustaining source in this family is so important to God….. so important…..that he compared it to His Church….whom He loved enough to give His very life for.
Isn’t that what we as women have the freedom and privilege to do…..to “pour out everything inside us”?  I feel a little like that about blogging.   We share ourselves and our hearts with each other…..to nourish and sustain ourselves and those we love.  Your blogs and your words are like that for me…..”sweet water, brimming over”.   So, read the quote again……and be blessed today.

And cook that meatloaf with love, baby!

A little Christmas Cheer…….

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I’m on of those people……that my brother-in-law hates…..that decorates for Christmas before Thanksgiving.  Always. Every year.  Since I can remember.  And it’s not that I don’t love Thanksgiving.  I do.  It’s my favorite holiday.  But I have a lot of Christmas decorations.   And if I waited until after Thanksgiving,  I’d be stressed trying to get it all up.  So in the name of having energy and sanity left for thankfulness, I do it early.  Furthermore, we are Lutheran so we follow the church calendar….and certainly want to have our decorations up when we start our advent calendar.  Which is quickly approaching. It makes me cheerful and gives everybody in the house a little spring in their step to see all the decorations going up so soon.  So I make no apologies: I decorate and bake with thankfulness in my heart!

I also ‘host’ my extended family for Thanksgiving, so I love decorating the dining room table and coming up with fun ideas for the kid’s table…..and cooking.   Lots and lots of cooking.  So I take my cues from my mother in law who is the queen of cooking lots of wonderful holiday food.   And her secret:  start early and freeze what you can.  So tomorrow,  I bake pecan and pumpkin pies.  
 I’m also working on my placecards and making sure all my linens are laundered and ready to go.  I also put up 4 Christmas trees today.  Don’t throw things at me through your computer.  I leave several of my trees decorated all year and store them ‘ready to go’ in the basement.   So let me rephrase that:  I carried up 4 trees today.  There, is that better? So here’s the tour so far.

The tree in my breakfast room….
oh look , a beautiful cardinal flew in and nestled into the ribbons…..
I love birds by the way…..and have them tweeting around everywhere…..
This sweet little table top tree is in my living room.  It’s mint green and I love it with all my heart.  This is it’s 3rd Christmas with me…..and it’s third different spot.
Meet my banister garland….not yet finished but getting there……
see how much more fun after I add a pair of peacocks…….(my version of two turtle doves)
and probably my signature Christmas decorating ‘move’ is ribbon……lots of ribbon…..everywhere.   And this year I added blue to the mix.   Don’t ya love it?
I love to layer with ribbon….different colors, patterns, sizes…..with extra long ‘tails’…….

I always look for whimsical patterns….polka dots or something similiar,  and mix that with more majestic colors or textures.
and this my friends is a little gift I gave myself today.  New makeup and lip gloss bags from TJMaxx.   I love the pattern.  And since as you know all my personal belongings got stolen,  I needed a little ‘pick-me-up’…..not bad for 9.99.  Now all I need is lip gloss.
and for all you purists out there,  I’m decorating my dining room table with traditional Thanksgiving Day fare….complete with a menu…….printed out and featured on the plate.   I’m completely obsessed with silhouettes too and am working on a tree decorated with mostly silhouettes…….and lots of ribbon.
Be creative. It doesn’t have to be expensive.  Last year, I was in a Christmas home tour and decorated a tree in my son’s room using playing cards, poker chips , large bulb lights and a piece of burlap for a bedskirt.  I did something similiar in the little girls’ room with flashcards and ribbon.  Think outside the box…..and make it your own.
Hope you’re inspired to put on some Christmas music and tie some ribbons.  

The Stages of Grief…..

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Remember the Kubler-Ross ‘stages of grief’ chart from Psychology 101?  Here’s what mine looks like after my purse got stolen right outta my car last night.   While my car sat in my driveway.
1. Denial- “Surely noone would just come and take my purse right out of my car.  And steal my ipod.  And then charge $1000 at Walmart at 3:30 in the morning.  Surely there’s been a mistake officer”
2. Anger “Those little thieving slimy fools…..have the nerve to drive right into my safe little sweet Mayberry neighborhood and snatch my Kenneth Cole creamy leather purse….right out of MY car….it’s MINE…..not yours……you little lying wretches (this is where cursing would come in handy)…..it’s all MINE…..the visa cards, the check cards, the ballet slippers, the 27 tubes of MAC lip gloss, the 4 packs of peanut butter crackers, the IPOD, the 2 protein bars…..ALL OF IT.  GET YOUR GRUBBY LITTLE PAWS OFF.
3. Bargaining “Please Lord, if you’ll just bring these sinners to justice and somehow preserve my precious things,  I’ll be more choosy about which lip gloss I buy…..I know I don’t need ALL those colors…..and I’ll be more careful.  I’ll lock everything.  I’ll get a security system.  And turn it on.   And I’ll get more organized…..so that when I need to cancel an account I can find the numbers.  I’ll set up elaborate filing systems.  I’ll have Sue come over and teach me.  I promise Lord I’ll do better.  Just please bring creamy Kenneth home safely.  Please, for the love of angel cream  lip gloss.”
4. Depression  “I’m the most  optimistic, pathetic excuse for a human being there is.  That’s it.  No more trusting everybody.  My life will never be the same now.  I’ll always be looking over my shoulder.  I’ll become so paranoid that I’ll end up conjuring up some elaborate conspiracy theory about how my neighbors are all spying on me to get a glimpse at my account numbers.  I’ll draw the blinds.  And keep the lights off.  And live the life of a secluded hermit.  With dry cracked lips.  In silence.
5. Acceptance “You know what, it’s just ‘stuff’.  Noone got hurt and the bank’s gonna give my money back.  Maybe it’s a good lesson to be more careful…..and a little less trusting.  I’m just thankful for all the good gifts God has given me.”
Lest you think I’m a saint, I’m currently at step 2.  I get visions of the thieves watching “Dancing with the Stars” on a new widescreen tv that I (STEVE) BOUGHT while trying to decide which of the 27 colors of lip gloss they like better.   And wondering out loud why on earth someone would have 50 Cent and Allison Krause on the same IPOD or carry  adult sized ballet slippers in their purse. ‘Cause I’m a dancer okay….not a thief like you. 
If I could communicate with my perpetrators, I’d say this. 
 Play the song on my IPOD by Johnny Cash called  Folsom Prison Blues…..cause that’s where you’re headed in your life if you keep this up.  Oh and my IPOD has been ‘on the blink’ lately and I wouldn’t be surprised if he (his name is Jack) won’t play for you at all.   He doesn’t perform well for criminals……or in the cold, or in the rain, or if you change the songs too fast and frequently.  Please take care of him. He’s very special to me and always knows what song I need…when i need it.   If he were here right now he’d play “Survivor” by Destiny’s Child for me. 
I hope he refuses to play any song for you at all except Folsom Prison Blues…..over and over.  And over.   When I get to step 5, I’m sure I’ll tell you to listen to “Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus” and I’ll wish for your forgiveness and healing.   But I’m still at step 2.  So Folsom Prison Blues it is.
Is it sheer coincidence that this previously taken picture of creamy Kenneth, even when cropped to its maximum  is joined on either side by a chef’s knife and the holy cross?  I think not.  Justice will prevail. 
I will make dinner….
and He will make justice.
I write this as I ponder the hassels of trying to recover my identity and  put corona on my  lip-gloss missin’ lips and hum to Johnny Cash singin’
(I hear the train a’ comin’ it’s rollin’ round the bend…and I ain’t seen the sunshine since….I don’t know when…..I’m stuck in Folsom Prison….and time keeps draggin’ on…)

God Bless Texas…….and Donia…….

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These are some of my dearest friends in the world……
This is mocha cake……
This is their story.

Donia, THE girl in the picture above came to visit Friday.  No she’s not from Texas and no she doesn’t host a show on the Trinity Broadcasting network. (I’m giggling).  She used to live in my wonderful neighborhood with the other two beautiful women, Sue and Donna.  We were some of the first people to move into this neighborhood 7 or 8 years ago.  Donia has since moved to Tampa (where she has recently changed her ‘big’ hair to this new less-Texas style because everybody kept asking her if she was from Texas). 
 I would love to be from Texas, BTW, and I would love to have Donia’s massive head of hair.  But that’s for another post. 
 I’m only teasing her ’cause I’m jealous.  Donia came to visit for a brief couple of hours on Friday so we did what we always to……. we ordered sushi and ate mocha cake….and we laughed and chatted and laughed some more.  Donia is a wonderful dear friend to us and used to be my work out partner.  If you could see her in all her glory you’d know how strong my self esteem is. She’s beautiful and skinny and buff and funny….
and I miss her dearly.
When she first moved in , my next door neighbor Donna, who is an angel sent from heaven and always immediately bakes bread and befriends new neighbors, invited Donia to go to the country club with us…….TO THE POOL. 
 “Why, for the love of Texas, would you invite HER to go the pool with us Donna.”  Have you taken a good look at her.  This is the kind of girl you invite to go to…
…I don’t know…
…lunch..
..at Golden Corral…
….so we can properly fatten her up. 
  Not the pool.   Little miss angel had her way.   We took her to the pool.  And despite the fact that we probably looked like her staff, and she looked like a celebrity from Baywatch,  that was the start of a friendship that will endure. 
And over the years, we had this  little tradition…..where we get together and eat sushi and I make mocha cake (I know my place)   and somebody usually brings little love gifts and we hug and laugh  and enjoy each other.   Probably what I love about Donia most is that she is genuine. And funny and so easy to be around.   Just don’t take her to the pool.  I mean it.
Other random facts about Donia:
1.She’s from Arkansas
2. so that makes us both southern.
3. She started me on my obsession with diet pepsi.
4. And weight training.
5. ‘Cause I was tired of sitting beside her at the pool.
6. all soft and blubbery.
7. She doesn’t eat vegetables.
8. Or anything green.
9. Not even tiny specks of lettuce in spring rolls.
10. She doesn’t drink coffee.
11. Which almost ended our friendship.
12.’Cause I got a healthy amount of skepticism for anyone who doesn’t drink coffee.
13. She’s fiesty.  In a ‘don’t-mess-with-me-I’m-from-Texas’ kinda’ve a way.
14.She got into a fight in high school
15. I told you not to mess with her.  Or take her to the pool.
16. She is one of the most caring and compassionate friends I’ve ever had.
17. She always ‘has your back’.
18. She can do shoulder presses with 30 lb. dumbbells.
19. She has a bedazzler and multiple glue guns.
20. She once gave up cursing for Lent.
21. And didn’t make it the whole 40 days. 
22. She decorates the most beautiful cakes.  Ever.
23.And I went through a bit of a depression when she moved.  Friends like her don’t come along everyday.  I remember vividly the day I went to her house to ‘see her off’.  I cried when we hugged.  And all the way home.   And for parts of many days after.  I miss her so much.
“Eros will have naked bodies,  friendship naked personalities.”    C. S. Lewis

The heart is deceitful above all things……..

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I read a recent post by Denise and it made me think. It was about evil and taking a stand against it and not being ashamed. Her and I must both be in the same funk. Ya know, the one I’ve been in since I quit working. It has given me lots of time to ponder many things in my life. There’s nowhere to hide anymore for me. My regrets, my heartache, my sin…..is ever before me….with no life-shattering emergency to push it back down to dark recesses of my heart. Where I have safely kept many issues through the years. They’re right beneath the surface now. And sometimes it’s hard to pretend they aren’t there. So I deal with them, slowly
and thoughtfully….and sometimes painfully. And grieve. And cry. And repent.
I do think about evil. But since I became Lutheran, I think about it in a totally different way. Some evils seem easier to pick out than others. Terrorism, starving people, satanism, child abuse, abortion…..those seem easy to call evil. We like things nicely divided in our minds. It makes it easy to toss them in the ‘evil’ basket……and to judge those who are propagating the ‘evil’. And God does hate evil. For sure. But can we always be sure where it lurks? Do we have the black line so definitely drawn around it that we miss some of the most vile and bitter evil of all? Paul said it this way, “Even when I would do good, I find an evil that is present in me”.    So do I…….I have become more aware of my own evil and sinfulness over the past two years than I’d care to share. And it makes me uncomfortable. If I am totally honest with myself and God, there is evil present in everything I do. I hope someone notices when I bake bread for my ailing neighbor….I relish in nice things people say about my home….I try to push down ill feelings that rise up in me about a friend…..I envy, I lie, I covet, I lust. Remember when Jesus said that if you have anger in your heart toward your neighbor, you are guilty of murder. When the definition is sin is extended to that degree, I have nowhere to hide. I am riddled with sin. Every moment. Every thought. Even my best moments and thoughts. And so are you, if you’re honest. My brokenness paralyzes me sometimes. So, how do I process the guilt and the grief that overtake me? I cry out. To God. Who said to me, “and you who were once estranged and hostile in mind, doing evil deeds, he has now reconciled you in his body by His death, in order to present you blameless and irreproachable before Him…”. He has covered my evil….by His blood….a redemption and atonement of the most epic nature. But until the day that this mortal body is redeemed, I will live in a paradoxical tension….of both saint and sinner. Of having my sin forgiven under the blood and cross of Christ…..and then waking up another day to live in this blessed but debased human flesh. Which ‘only thinks of evil all the time”. So lately when I ponder evil, I don’t get much past my own depravity. And that….makes me evermore grateful that He has come to rescue me from myself…. from my sin. from my brokenness. I leave you with this song by Lifehouse called “Broken”. Sometimes a song can say it all.

Most merciful God, we confess that we are by nature sinful and unclean and have sinned against you in thought, word, and deed by what we have done and by what we have left undone. We have not loved you with our whole heart and we have not loved our neighbors as ourselves. We justly deserve your present and eternal punishment. For the sake of Your son Jesus Christ, have mercy on us. Forgive us, renew us, and lead us, so that we may delight in Your will and walk in Your ways……Almighty God in His mercy has given His son to die for you and for His sake forgives you all your sins.”

Love and prayers to you….

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Thank you to Jessica and Keli for this award.   And let me first say that I’m a little tardy acknowledging them. But thank you girls so much for thinking of me.

And to Angie for this award.  All this bloggy love I’m gettin’ is great… but I’m a little technically challenged so all this linking takes me FOREVER…..and I think I’m supposed to link back to the original award givers, but that would mean my children won’t get breakfast.

So mucho thanks girls. I would pass these awards on individually , but again all that linking…..kids no breakfast….so forgive my laziness but I how about all my sweet and faithful readers take these awards and with them, my gratitude for keeping me inspired, updated, laughing, and thinking. K?  I send you awards and love and promises of a little Christmas cheer and a peek into my girl’s night very soon.
For now enjoy this prayer that the girls and I read this morning before school:
Heavenly Father, in the name of Jesus, my Savior, I approach You in this morning hour, beseeching You to let Your grace and mercy go with me through the day. Let Your presence give me the blessed assurance of Your divine protection amid dangers, guidance amid uncertainty, and strength against temptations.  Bless the labors of my hands.  Bless our home with your continued presence.  Bless our nation, and let righteousness and peace prevail.  Bless Your Church and keep her in Your word and truth.  Bless our schools, and grant that boys and girls may grow in grace and knowledge of You and Your will.  Remember not the sins of my youth nor my many trespasses.  Bring me safely home tonight, and keep me steadfast in faith; through Jesus Christ, my Redeemer.  Amen
  Love to you all and have a great weekend!  
Please let me know (as a very small informal survey) which of you will decorate for Christmas before Thanksgiving and why or why not?
And congratulations to Angie from the above link….who is probably snuggling into her new scarf as we speak!!