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Roll Away Your Stone { I’ll Roll Away Mine}

April 30, 2011 by Edie Wadsworth 20 Comments

It’s Saturday night and I’ve had a whirlwind of a day/week/month/year/decade.
Anyhoo, I’m tired. But it’s a restless flavor of tired that only affects the body.
The soul is awake and vigilant and ready to rumble.
I’ve made nice with my running shoes and have enjoyed hitting the pavement again.
It’s been awhile. Which brings me to my songs.
The seasons of my life have been marked by music.
Loretta Lynn and daddy (somewhat tipsy) taught me to drive a stick shift.
I met Stevie and Matchbox Twenty the same year.
I simultaneously discovered the blessings of eight year daughters and the Dixie Chicks.
The Avett Brothers turned my heart upside down just before my house burned to the ground.
And it seems that Mumford and Sons will be see to my rebuilding at this glorious season of Eastertide.
I can’t get enough of this toe-tapping, truth-telling, soul-stirring song.
In my dreams, I do a winsome tap number and play the banjo onstage with the band.
In reality, I try to make this 41 year old body slug it out another day on the road.
Either way, I’m so thankful for the healing power of music and for the artists who have heeded their call.
My favorite lines, you ask?

“It seems as if all my bridges have been burned.
You say that’s exactly how this grace thing works.”

“And so, I’ll be found with my stake stuck in this ground
Marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul”

It’s the perfect respectable addition to your workout playlist. Unlike some of the other songs I’ve been known to run to.

Roll away your stone, I’ll roll away mine
Together we can see what we can find
Don’t leave me alone at this time,
For I am afraid of what I will discover inside
You told me that I would find a home,
Within the fragile substance of my soul
And I have filled this void with things unreal,
And all the while my character it steals
But darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
It seems as if all my bridges have been burned,
You say that’s exactly how this grace thing works
It’s not the long walk home that will change this heart,
But the welcome I receive at the restart
Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
Darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
But darkness is a harsh term don’t you think?
And yet it dominates the things I seek
Stars hide your fires,
And these are my desires
And I will give them up to you this time around
And so, I’ll be found with my stake stuck in this ground
Marking the territory of this newly impassioned soul
But you, you’ve come too far this time
You have neither reason nor rhyme
With which to take this soul that is so rightfully mine

Happy Resurrection Sunday. It’s still Easter, ya know!

Project Restoration:: Edition 3, the foundation

April 28, 2011 by Edie Wadsworth 23 Comments

The foundation was poured this week. Such exciting times! We added our scrawl to the semi-wet stuff, profound things like ‘Emme was here’. I was trying to think of the perfect scripture but I guess that’ll have to be written on the wood after the framing is done. I managed an E.W. + S.W. surrounded in a heart. If you look closely at the bottom pic, you’ll see floor trusses! Framing starts tomorrow. I have half a mind to move school out to the job site and let the carpenters teach my girls math while I dream of cooking dinner by the lake again. Tomorrow I have an appointment to pick out tubs and fixtures. I’m planning to do a clawfoot tub in our bathroom and then just cheapies everywhere else.

As far as the kitchen floor plan goes, we’ve decided to leave it as is except for the addition of a pocket door from the living room into the pantry. We carefully weighed all our options and finally decided to have a fancy butcher block custom made that will span the area between the left side of the stove and the 18 inch counter top and will be on casters. It will have a marble top and be snazzy as can be. It will be about 3 feet wide (to span the area needed) but only 2 feet deep so that it can be moved into the workroom when not in use—which given my kitchen habits, could be never. I went with structure over function here and hope I don’t regret it. In case you need to refresh your memory, here’s the kitchen floor plan again. Thank you for all your suggestions—I read and considered them all. I’m also working with a ‘new-to-me’ online designer to help me with the girls’ room. I’ve never worked with anyone before and I’m using their room as a testing ground. It’s been SO much fun so far. I email her with links and photos and random phrases forty eleven times a day. And she hasn’t fired me yet. I can’t wait to show you what we’ve been working on. She appreciates my quirky ways and understands my immortal fear of things being too matchy. You’re gonna love her.

In case you didn’t notice, I’ve blogged 3 days in a row. My computer may indeed implode.

I’m adding things daily to my tumblr site, which is where I store online inspiration photos and links.

Happy Thursday!

xo,

edie

Howdy Pardner

April 27, 2011 by Edie Wadsworth 23 Comments

Caiti was pretty sure she didn’t want a graduation party per se. Then she agreed to a pool party at Aunt Gina’s. Then I remembered how fun it was to learn to square dance. So, that’s it.

We’re having a square dance for Caiti’s graduation party!

Not the kind where you wear puffy dresses and bolo’s, although that’d be okay too. The kind where you wear whatever you want–although it does beg for cowboy boots—and you invite your friends and family, young and old, and have an old fashioned hoe-down/throwdown of a good time. I went to Shawna’s 40th birthday party, square-dance style, a couple years ago and it was so much fun that I’ve been dreaming up excuses to have one ever since. You should see the look on people’s faces when I tell them we’re having a square dance. You’re gonna be jealous when you see the videos.

And there will be videos.

Caiti is perfectly ready to do-si-do, in her sundress and boots and I’m looking for some good western party treats and ideas if you have any spare time to plan a shindig for me. Think hay bales and mason jars and red bandanas and burlap.

My sister, who is the saintliest person I know, came to my house and brought lots of pictures of Caiti as a wee one so that I can begin making a video. Isn’t she the cutest thing you’ve ever seen? So I’m scanning old photos and listening to all manner of musical options. I’m determined not to let the haze of the past few months put a damper on her celebration. I only have 4 weeks to plan this and my sister has declined my offer for her to move in with me for a month. Any takers?

I’ve also asked my dear talented friend Patty to photograph the momentous occasion.

She said yes.

Yeeee-Hawwwww!

Home for Easter

April 26, 2011 by Edie Wadsworth 33 Comments

I hope you all had a wonderful Easter! My semi-break from blogging has left me with a million posts in my head. Maybe I can transfer them from my head to the keyboard 🙂
It’s always such a treat for us to have our older kids home—at least some of them. I regret that I didn’t get pics of Marcus and Katilin all dressed up. They were so chic for church on Sunday but they changed before they got to our house and then I was out of photographer mode and into southern chef mode. As usual, we missed Mal, Savannah and Nicholas:( The kids came in shifts so I made turkey, mashed potatoes, deviled eggs and carrot cake cupcakes on Friday. THen on Sunday, it was ham, scalloped potatoes, baked beans, deviled eggs and banana pudding. Both days we had bread, creamed corn and green beans. It was a busy weekend!

I just finished Karen’s photography class and Erin Cobb’s Clean Color tutorial for photoshop, I was happy to have willing subjects to photograph. Most of these photos are edited using portions of Erin’s method. I’m still such a beginner at photoshop but it’s a start.

the little girls

Caiti {my graduating senior} and the littles

emme

sisters (edited in picnik by caiti)

taylor and caiti

the girls in their ‘Crewcuts’
I wanted to thank you all for all your wonderful encouraging words and prayers these past few months. I know this hasn’t been a very cheerful, uplifting place to visit but I think I’m on the comeback and I so appreciate your support. I apologize for the notes, gifts, cards, etc that have gone unanswered. It means more to me than you know. I took all your kitchen/pantry advice to heart and I think we have a solution that will work. I’ll share more house stuff soon. Our foundation was poured yesterday—so let the framing begin!

There have been some wonderful podcasts on Issues Etc for Holy Week. I really liked this one by Arthur Just on the institution of the Lord’s Supper and this one on God, the Great Gift Giver. Check out their archives for amazing orthodox teaching.

Blessed Resurrection to you!

xo,

edie

Good Friday

April 22, 2011 by Edie Wadsworth

O Christ, Lamb of God, slain for the sin of the whole world, with penitent heart I come to Your cross, pleading for mercy and forgiveness. My sins—and they are many–have added to the burden of Your suffering and have nailed You to the accursed tree. For me You have tasted the agony of the utter darkness that I might not perish, but have everlasting life. Have mercy upon me.

O Christ, Lamb of God, embrace me with Your love, and forgive me all my sins. Your death brings healing to my soul, peace to my mind, cleansing to my heart. If You would mark iniquity, I could not come for my hands are unclean, my lips are sullied, and my heart is blackened by sin. But beholding You bleeding, despised, forsaken, dying, pierced, I come to be cleansed and forgiven.

O Christ, Lamb of God, grant that I may hate sin and wickedness more and more as I behold You in Your great agony. My grateful heart today finds hope in Your words, comfort in Your promises, and salvation in Your finished work on the cross, by which You have overcome sin, Satan, and death.

O Lord, have mercy. O Christ, have mercy. O Lord, hear my prayer.

Amen.

Blessed Good Friday to you.

xo,

edie

prayer for Good Friday taken from the Lutheran prayer book.

Project Restoration::Edition 2, rebuilding a heart

April 13, 2011 by Edie Wadsworth

There are still days, since the fire, that I feel like an Israelite wandering in the wilderness. Lonely and unsteady and heartsick.

Today is one of those days.

Rebuilding a life seems like impossible work. Some days, I’m not sure I have it in me.

This wilderness is nothing like home. Sure, I have everything I need and more. And yet, I long for anything from the past—something to remind me of what once was.

Rebuilding a house is one thing. But rebuilding a heart? That’s another story altogether.

I have beds and chairs and tables but it’s all undone. Just like me.

I have that vague temporary feeling that I’m staying at a roadside inn, waiting.

Waiting for the house to be built.

Waiting for the insurance.

Waiting for the ache to stop.

Waiting for something that never comes.

Or perhaps waiting for someone—-to tell me how to do this.

I don’t know where to start. What order to do it all in. Do I need lamps and shoes and quilts or just courage enough to show up at the Lord’s table for the Bread of life?

Is it too late to wonder if this is all just a bad dream?

Do I just march on with life or is there time to fall apart?

********************************

There are breaks in the hazy despair and I find myself excited about the new life.

It’s such a picture of our life in Christ, the dying and rising.

But sometimes, in our desperateness, we just want to take back what we’ve lost.

The new life forces us to trust in Grace that’s not our own.

The new life leaves us vulnerable, without a true home, without the comforts of our idols.

No wonder the people of Israel wanted to go back to Egypt.

I’ve turned my nose at the manna too.

This bread of heaven seems a meager substitute for the feasts I was accustomed too.

And that’s when I see it. The ingratitude. The self-pity and the selfish wanting.

If I can’t learn to be thankful here, in this wilderness—–with this manna, will I ever know the true joy of going home?

Is that why He brought me here?

To show me that true joy only comes with gratitude?

That gratitude is not a mere feeling—–but that it comes on purpose. When I open my hands to ALL His gifts, even the manna.

The Lord must build the house, or they labor in vain that build it.

So today I pray:

Remake me Lord. Rebuild me with the multitude of Your tender mercies. May Christ be the chief cornerstone of this house. And when I fill it with the idols of this world, I ask you tear it down again and start anew. Strengthen me in the waiting. Comfort the aches of body and soul. Feed me with the Bread of heaven and for the sake of Christ, forgive my ingratitude. Restore to me the joy of my salvation. Remove this heart of stone and make it new. Amen.

Today, the concrete walls will be poured and the girls and I will go watch. I’m reposting this video from the Nester—-my dear sweet friend. On days like today, it brings me so much comfort. Thank you for your prayers today. Comments are closed.