Edie Wadsworth

‘Say what you need to say’ —a tribute to my 200th post

April 2, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth 35 Comments

I am thankful for this place…..where I’ve had my say…….

and I am grateful you’ve been listening.

Take all of your wasted honor
Every little past frustration
Take all of your so-called problems,
Better put ’em in quotations

Say what you need to say [x8]

Walking like a one man army
Fighting with the shadows in your head
Living out the same old moment
Knowing you’d be better off instead,
If you could only . . .

Say what you need to say [x8]

Have no fear for giving in
Have no fear for giving over
You’d better know that in the end
Its better to say too much
Then never say what you need to say again

Even if your hands are shaking
And your faith is broken
Even as the eyes are closing
Do it with a heart wide open

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say what you need to say

I’ve been thinking……….

March 31, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth Leave a Comment

Ever have one of those days or weeks where you ‘re just lost inside your own dreamy head? And you can’t sleep or remember the last 3 pages of the book you just read? And you eat but you’re not satified? Nothings’ wrong but nothings’ quite right either. A weird sort of holding pattern where everything seems paramount and futile all at the same time.

Yeah? Me too. So I thought I’d jot my thoughts down….in hopes that telling you will help me sort them out.

1. I have a ba-jillion home projects soaring around in my head. Yes, a ba-jillion I said. Painting and cleaning and purging and calling all manner of laborers in to help. As the projects jump and flit around in my head like popcorn popping , I……hesitate. I go to Lowe’s and can’t decide on a paint color. I walk in circles in my house and decide that maybe doing nothing is better than a ba-jillion things. It’s all wrong but it’s so pleasantly right. I’m completely content and at once slightly restless.

2. I have my sister on my heart. She’s recovering from surgery and seeing her ‘incapacitated’ , albeit for a short time, has caused some angst. Maybe it reminds me of my own mortality. Maybe seeing the worry in Elea’s eyes ruffled my mother hen feathers a bit. I wish I could protect those I love from pain. I felt keenly emotional when I saw her lying there helpless in her hospital bed. I’d move mountains for that girl. If she needed me, I wouldn’t flinch…or hesitate….I’d just go. I want her to be with me always.

3. I’m in a homeschooling ‘tizzy’. I want to finish with a bang and there’s so much fun stuff to learn and do. And just thinking about next year makes me giddy. We’ll be studying medieval times. Oh the projects we’ll do and the books we’ll read and the poems we’ll memorize. Just for kicks, I’m rereading The Well Trained Mind. That Susan Wise Bauer is one amazing woman. How can she have accomplished that much already in life? What have I been doing while she published all these books and taught at the university and homeschooled four children? I feel so ‘behind’…….like I shoulda been doing this all along. And then the heaviness comes. Will I continue to feel isolated? Will my girls continue to respect me as their teacher? Are they getting what they need? Will there be a shortage of bubble gum? This is what haunts me at 1:30 in the morning.

4. Taylor’s graduation has me carrying around a heavy heart burden. I wish you could know him. He’s funny and kind and respectful and gentle. He believes in truth and has been unafraid to stand in a crowd that so easily loses its way. I get lost in the memories of his life. I fight back tears. I let them flow. I sit in his room and wander how I will manage without his steady predictable presence in my life. But then I quickly dry the wet hot face and think of invitations and scrapbooks and parties and videos. There happens to be a lot of work to do. And wet hot tears do not beget productivity. At least not for me.

5. Then there’s this whole comment/no-comment thing. It has me befuddled. There are less than two weeks left in Lent. It has been a time of retreat and reflection for me. I had no idea that I needed your kind words and interaction so much and I have really missed the ‘conversation’. I’m so looking forward to our reunion but I needed this period of ‘detachment’. To remind me that technology is not neutral. It has consequences and we should be aware of them. Reading the book Amusing Ourselves to Death shed some light on this for me. We are a culture addicted to distraction. I think I see the line in the sand now. I need to write. And I love sharing my journey with you but I must stay vigilant to keep it in its’ rightful place in my life. Technology worships images and speed and is not often conducive to demanding intellectual and spiritual disciplines. It cannot replace serious bible reading and study and should not trump my attempt to educate myself with classical literature. That said, I am so thankful for delightful people I have met and the way you all inspire me to higher creative pursuits and to an authentic yet simply lived life.

6. Holy Week is fast approaching. I plan to take the week off from blogging to focus on Christ’s passion and to teach my children about the events in Christ’s life during Holy Week. If I do post, it’ll be related to that. I find myself marveling at the breadth of His love for us. I wallow in guilt at how I have repeatedly and unabashedly abused His mercy in my life and I fall on my face and beg His forgiveness. He tells me that He remembers my sin no more. That His atonement has covered me. I rest in His promises. And stand in awe at my Father’s grace.

I am never alone.

So there you have it. Life inside a crazy woman’s head in the wee hours of the morning. Surely you have days like this………you do, right?

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Silhouettes

March 29, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth Leave a Comment

This is so fun and easy that you must try it with your small children. Silhouettes are all over the internet but I think I first saw this method on the Shabby Nest.

1. Take a picture of your subject. This happens to be my darling and wonderfully handsome nephew because I’m making silhouettes for my sister.

2. Print the pictures to whatever size you want the silhouettes to be onto cardstock. I traced the silhouette and then solicited the help of the youngsters to color them in. Use a black permanent marker and fill in the image completely. They thought this was so much fun since they were essentially ‘coloring themselves’.

3. Use an exacto knife and precisely cut out the image; careful to preserve cute little noses and lips.

4. After cutting the image, color the egdes again so that no white is showing.

5. Then place them into frames and enjoy. I backed the cardboard from the frame with fabric such as linen or burlap to add texture to the framed silhouettes. They turned out beautiful! Only 6 more to go!

And in case you wondered about the ‘brood’, they’re just dandy. The rooster is quite the bossy cackling little guy and one of the hens loves to mother and preen the others. The ducks, named Bumper and Thumper, love to swim and love to wake me up at 5 a for more water.

Let me know if you try the silhouettes. There are also professional silhouette artists who can make ‘real’ ones for you……but that isn’t nearly as much fun!

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100 things (painfully continued) Edition 3

March 28, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth 6 Comments

For editions 1 and 2, go here and here.

41. I speak from experience when I say that having children who are compliant can give you the false sense that you are an extraordinary specimen of a mother. And on the contrary, having strong willed children will have you convinced that you are not capable of parenting at all. I have both varieties in my little family. Until you’ve parented a strong willed child, it would be wise to save all your statements that start with “Well, if that was my child, I’d….”. Give people the benefit of the doubt and spend the time you might judge them–saying a prayer for them instead. This is no task for the faint of heart. And grace and mercy need abound.
42. My favorite color is tiffany blue. I have plans to paint my craft room that color. Last year, my favorite color was orange. I’m wishy washy like that.
43. My favorite southern city is Charleston. My favorite northeastern city is Boston. My favorite midwestern city is Chicago. My favorite place to spend time in the summer: on the lakes of Minnesota.
44. I dream of lazy days reading and baking and making crafts with my children while the smell of clean laundry and fresh bread tickles my nose. No wait, that’s what I get to do everyday. Someone pinch me.
45. My favorite tree is the southern magnolia. It looks beautiful and stately in the yard and its branches frequently adorn my tables inside. Neither Emme nor I, however, like the smell of magnolia.
46. If I could live during any historical time period, it would be colonial America. Maybe that’s why I love Boston so much. I would assume the role of Abigail Adams.
47. My favorite movie is The Notebook . Or maybe Office Space. I also love Steel Magnolias and Little Women. And The John Adams series. And of course Coal Miner’s Daughter. Then there’s Slingblade. And Pride and Predjudice. Picking one thing has never been my strong suit.
48. Steve introduced me to Martin Luther and bird watching. I introduced him to C.S. Lewis and cornbread. I’d call that even.

49. Each of my children has altered my life in some profound way. They have taught me and changed me and made me a better person. I have learned patience and humility and loyalty and compassion. They continually force me to reevaluate my preconceptions and prejudices. I owe them a debt of gratitude which will be impossible to repay.

50. My hair is blonde. That’s my story and I’m stickin’ to it.

51. I’m pretty sure I could quote most of the Dr. Suess book “Yertle the Turtle”. I cannot, however, seem to remember where I put my car keys or parked my car or laid my book. I now remind my children to watch where I put my cell phone. Between all of us, we can usually find it. Usually. And whenever I’m frantically looking for it before we walk into dance, I’m usually talking on it.

52. I am an ‘early to bed, early to rise’ type. I could never stay up at sleepovers when I was a teenager. I always ended up with shaving cream in my hands and other girly pranks. My daughter inherited this gift and thinks it’s pretty pathetic.

53. I dream of living in the country in a big white farmhouse with a huge front porch and chickens and goats and dogs and pigs. Or on the lake in a cute little 2 bedroom cottage. Or in a downtown loft in Birmingham. If only there were more time here on earth……**big sigh**

54. There have been people through the years who have had a dramatic impact on my life. They are numerous and I wouldn’t even attempt to mention them all. One of those people is Susan, who I met when I was in medical school. Her children went to school with mine and she taught me so much about mothering children and nurturing a family. I remember her growing ‘creeping fig’ on the side of her old brick house. I found some this weekend and will plant it in her honor.

55. I was a gymnast as a young girl. I can still do a back bend with a kickover. I might see stars and need to see a chiropractor the next day, but I can do it all the same.

56. My youngest brother has Down’s syndrome and I have an aunt with cerebral palsy. I’ve been bowling with the CP group many times and used to help with special olympics. I’m thankful for them in my life (even though my aunt once chased me around the yard with a butcher knife and then would repeatedly ask me if I thought she was ‘going to hell’) and I think it gives you an understanding and comfort of the handicapped that is invaluable. I love DS kids and have a special love for parents of children with handicaps. Christ always values the weak and vulnerable in society and we should too.

57. I frequently speak to Caiti and my sister and JamieKnoxville in my native appalachian tongue. Almost every morning as Taylor and Caiti leave for school, I yell out the door, “Caaaiti, don’t git in no fites today and uh…..I luv u better’n anythang”. It’s like our own private dialect. It can be scary to a northerner. Or to small children.

58. I am terribly addicted to my own bed. I love my bed and my pillows. All three of them. Feather of course.

59. I currently have 33 lamps in my house. I never. NEVER. turn on overhead lights. Ever.

60. I once glued someone’s eye shut when I worked in the ER. It’s a good story. Maybe I’ll tell ya sometime. Suffice it to say, I will never live that one down and as it turns out, an opthamologist told me “Aw, don’t worry, people do that accidentally with super glue all the time. It’ll come out in a few days.” Maybe the public is safer with me here at home!

100 things Edition 2 (big yawn)

March 27, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth 2 Comments

If you’re really bored and don’t have any laundry to fold, take a seat, drink some coffee (you’ll need it to stay awake) and stroll down memory lane with me.

21. I double majored in chemistry and biochemistry in college with a minor in biology. I would have made a pathetic chemist. Chemists should be precise and serious and a little neurotic.
22. I am a summa cum laude graduate of the University of Tennesee 1994. I had two babies at the time and studied alot. Maybe back then I was precise and serious and a little neurotic.
24. I was the secretary of my medical school class. I redefined that role to entail baking bread and cookies frequently for my class mates. I’m sure that surprises no one. I can’t remember doing anything ‘secretarial’.
25. I have always been athletic. I played almost every sport in high school, broke my hand playing flag football in med school, trained and finished a few half marathons, and can’t remember a time when I didn’t ‘work out’. As I approach my fortieth birthday, I’d like to train for ‘something’…..a marathon, a triathlon, a hotdog eating contest……..unless you have any better ideas for me?
26. I gained 12 pounds with my first pregnancy and did aerobics nearly until I delivered. 20 yo bodies were meant to have babies. I loved being pregnant. Every time. I would have a quiver full if I could. There is nothing more miraculous than giving life to a child from your own strong able body.
27. I have so many regrets about my early days as a parent. Can I get a do-over? Why is it that when you finally ‘figure out’ how to do this parenting thing, your oldest is graduating high school?
28. My father passed away when I was 27. He died from complications of lung cancer and cirrhosis. I lived 2 hours away and the night they called to tell me he ‘wasn’t going to make it much longer’, I prayed the whole way that he wouldn’t die before I got there. When I walked into the room, his breathing was labored. He died twenty minutes later. I cried and hugged him and held his hand and sang Amazing Grace to him as he passed from this life to the next. I know he waited for me. I can’t wait to see him again someday.
29. Watching Grey’s Anatomy has been a little like reliving parts of my past. And I knew from the start of the show that I’m definitely an Izzie. I get too attached. I struggle with boundaries. I had several regular patients to whom I gave money and rides home and my cell phone number. I prayed for them often and always had a sense that their over arching spiritual and life issues were often at the heart of their physical complaints. I miss doctoring. I miss the sacred bonds of the doctor patient relationship. It has been one of life’s greatest honors; to care for the sick and afflicted and dying.
30. I met Stevie just after I had told my first patient he was dying from pancreatic cancer. Despite my herculean efforts, two tears escaped as I held my patients’ hand and tried to give him hope. When I left the room, my heart broke into a thousand tears. A knight in green scrubs rescued me. I have been trying to say thank you ever since.
31. A brief period of darkness ensued. I will summarize by saying that the love of Christ is tenacious. God chased me down dark and twisty roads. I ran for my life and in circles and He was always there, breathing heavy into the recesses of my want and pleading with me to stop. He has been determined from the start to have the last word in my life. I’m trying to sit still and listen.
32. I am an ESFP on the MB personality test. To refresh your memory, that means: extrovert, sensing, feeling, perceiving. If you’ve been reading my blog very long, you probably already know that.
33. I am a foodie. My dream kitchen would have an eight burner Viking gas stove, 3 ovens, a built in deep fryer and wine refrigerator, a commercial coffee maker, a sous chef, and an entire collection of vintage aprons.
34. I don’t read chick lit. The closest I come to chick lit is The Red Tent. If there is a chick lit book that you think I must read, send me an email. Otherwise, my night stand will continue to look like that of a 40 year old male seminary student.
35. I am neurotic about smells. I love a fresh, clean smelling house. And fresh clean smelling kids. And fresh clean smelling pets. My car….. now that’s another story.
36. I married an IITJ. Opposites attract.
37. I love old style country music. I grew up listening to George Jones and Johnny Cash and Tammy Wynette. I could bust out a good Loretta Lynn song at the least provocation. My children can roll their eyes and testify to that.
38. I am growing weary of the ‘100 things’ list. ADDers should never start a ‘100 things’ list.
39. I feel fairly certain I won’t have the sticktoittiveness to finish it.
40. But you probably already knew that too.

Logos School takes a field trip……..

March 26, 2009 by Edie Wadsworth Leave a Comment

It’s Spring Break for us so I invited several friends and their teens and tots to join us at Barter Theatre to see Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat. I don’t what was more fun….watching the play or watching my kids watch the play. The teenagers laughed out loud and wore the technicolor flashing glasses we bought for them. And Sue and Donna and I couldn’t resist a picture with ‘Joseph’. My angel friend Donna who used to make her haven next door to me lives in the vicinity of the theatre now….so we were especially excited to see her.

Emme was brave enough to stand next to Joseph for a quick pic.

We enjoyed lunch together at KP Duty in Bristol! Morgan joined us for the fun day too and kept Taylor and Andrew in line.

And I was fortunate to spend a few hours in the car with Cindy……and 3 teenagers and 3 small girlies. We talked and played music and laughed and talked some more and drank Starbucks (be still my beating heart). Abingdon is such a quaint and cozy little town. And every production I’ve seen at this theatre is spectacular. Our little group picture is missing Cindy, Sarah, Emily, Clay, and Donna. Sandy and Sue rode together with their kiddos and I’m only sad that we didn’t have more time to visit with them.

And the icing on the cake? We ran into Taylor’s first grade teacher Mrs. Savery! I almost cried. She was such a blessing to us and I have such fond memories of being at Providence Academy…..where I first learned about classical education. It was so good to see her and Bunny Turner. It was nearly a perfect day from beginning to end.

So, the girls and I are watching YouTube clips of the play this morning. Sandy was lucky enough to see this very one where Joseph was played by Donny Osmond! Thank you girls for such a great day!

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