Edie Wadsworth

CHEERS to a new year, and here’s to a new decade! It’s my favorite thing, maybe because my birthday is January 4th and I’ve always loved this time of year. But if you’re a reluctant or resistant goal setter, this series is FOR YOU! But first, a confession.

I set THREE big goals last year. 1) To pay off my mortgage, 2) To finish my 2nd book, and 3) To get to the next rank in Young Living.

NEWS FLASH. I only reached one of those goals. I finished my 2nd book, but I didn’t pay off my mortgage and I didn’t hit the next YL rank. What do I make that mean? That I’m closer to those things than I was—that I paid $40K towards my mortgage (YAY, ME!). I don’t let those things means I’m a failure or that I’m not good at goal setting. As a matter of fact, I am more excited than ever about my goals for this year. Know why? Because I can trust myself with failure, but more about that in part 4.

As we’re facing a new year & facing a new decade, my question for you is this—what is keeping you from living into your full potential?

What is keeping you from loving and serving at the highest level?

If not, why not? Here’s what has kept me from my best, maybe you can relate.

Are you stuck in the past?

Most of my life I was stuck in my past—past resentments, past failures, bitterness that had a firm grip on me. I was stuck in the past for so long because I felt so justified to be stuck in the past. My past was hard and painful and anybody would have agreed that I was justified in staying stuck there.

And I felt like I was doing some sort of justice to the people who had done me wrong if I held on to that bitterness and held on to that anger and resentment. And what I finally realized a few years ago was that the only person that my past was poisoning was ME. My resentment wasn’t having any effect on the people who I felt like had done me wrong. The past only existed in my mind and I was punishing MYSELF everyday with it—thinking about it over and over, ruminating on all the ways I was mistreated. I was holding onto a very painful story, but the only person feeling the pain was ME.

And if you are stuck in the past and you have a story that’s very painful but you keep holding onto it like me, I want you to know that there is hope. I want you to know that you can move past your past. Your brain doesn’t want you to. And the reason why is because your brain is a pro at the past.

Your brain is so good at reminding you of the story of how you were done wrong, and how such and such needs to pay, or maybe even reminding you of all your past failures. Your brain loves to do that because it conserves energy, because it’s way easier than you thinking new thoughts, or trying new things, or setting new goals.

So your brain loves to keep you stuck in a loop of the past because then it doesn’t have to do anything NEW.

Are you stuck in fear?

Then, there’s fear. Some of us have a fear of failure. We think if we try something and it doesn’t work? Then we think it means something terrible about us. I told you about my two epic “failures” from the goals that I set last year, and I bet you don’t make those “failures” mean anything catastrophic.

A lot of us stuck in self-doubt, in fear of rejection, in fear of failure because down deep we know how awful we are going to be to ourselves if we “fail”.

And here’s the thing, again, your brain loves this. Because if your brain can keep you stuck here, it doesn’t have to do anything new. It doesn’t have to be creative. It doesn’t have to be disciplined. It doesn’t have to think new thoughts or do new things. It loves to stay where it is. It loves to keep you right where you are. So your brain is going to resist change because it’s so much easier to stay where you are.

Are you stuck in negative thinking?

Some of us are stuck in the thinking I’ve always been this way or it’s always been this way.

I’ve always been overweight. I’ve always struggled with finances. I’ve always struggled in relationships. I always choose the wrong guy. I never been able to make my business work.

Whatever it is that you keep telling yourself over and over again, I want you to ask yourself, is that message serving you? Is it motivating you to the life you really want, to the life you know you’re capable of, or is it keeping you stuck where you are?

And if so, we’re going to break up with who we’ve always been.

And really, in order to make a lasting change, you have to be willing to put to death all of those thoughts. You have to be willing to put to death that person that believes that and thinks that and is stuck there. You really have to be willing to question it.

Is it serving you to move into the place you need to move in your life so that you can love and serve at the highest level that’s possible for you? And if it isn’t, you have to be willing to think NEW THOUGHTS. That’s what goal setting is at its core—you, being willing, to think and dream about your life.

Some of you didn’t make as much progress as you wanted to last year, so you’re making that mean that you’re not good at setting goals. How many of you set some goals last year and it didn’t quite work out? I shared mine above and I bet you didn’t villify me because I didn’t reach two of my goals. So, why do you do that to yourself? Just reinterpret what it means that you didn’t get as far as you wanted to get. Maybe your goal was to lose 50 pounds and you lost five, and then you gained three of those back. YOU LOST FIVE POUNDS, sister!

The good news about trying and failing…

When I was a practicing physician, I helped people make lifestyle change. I helped people lose weight. I helped people stop smoking. I helped people with addictions. And here’s what I know to be true about people who actually accomplish their goals—they accomplish it after the 11th time trying, or the 13th time trying, or the 8th time trying.

But the one thing that’s consistent about people who actually get where they want to get in life is they just don’t give up. They don’t make the failure mean, well, I’ve just always been this way, I guess I’ll always be this way.

They’re really careful about how they interpret the failure. If you’re trying to quit smoking and you’re on your seventh try and it doesn’t work, you can just throw in the towel and say, “Well, it just didn’t work for me,” or you could realize that you’re three tries away from actually doing it. And that is the truth, mama.

So be careful what you make it mean that you didn’t reach your goals.

And some of us are so used to beating ourselves up for not doing that thing that we are scared to try again.

Yeah, I try, but it just never seems to work out. Well, that’s because you make the failure means something about you and then you just stop trying. And I’m promise you’ll never get there is you give up. That’s not a good strategy either.

Why goal setting is a worthy endeavor…

Here’s why I think goal setting is such a worthy endeavor.

When you set a goal and when you decide what you want your life to be about, it gives your brain something productive to do. And it needs something productive to do because it’s going to spin in negativity if you don’t tell it what to do. It’s going to spin in all the things that are wrong with you and all the reasons why this never works for you. It’s going to find all kinds of negativity to focus on and that is FOR SURE not going to serve you.

And my flavor of goal setting is different than most, because I don’t actually believe that the GOAL is the point. I think the point is to train your heart and mind to be in alignment with the way God created you and he didn’t create you to stay stuck in your past and in fear and in negativity.

He created you to love and serve at your highest level and that’s what this process can actually help you do.

It’s not actually better there than here. It’s not better 40 pounds less than here unless you learn to see your life differently.

So I want to ask you again, are you living your life in a way that allows you to love and serve at the highest level?

And if you’re not, it’s really worthwhile to take a hard look at your reality. It’s really worthwhile to decide that you don’t want to be stuck in your past; that you don’t want to be stuck in this bitterness; that you don’t want to be stuck always in fear of what people think of you.

Goal setting gives your brain something really important to do.

And the end result of that is not that you get to brag because you’re 40 pounds lighter, or because now you have $10,000 in the bank, or because you finally got that job, or because your business finally took off.

No. What you get at the end of that is a person who is in love with their life, a person who loves and serves at the highest level, a person who is on fire to see the needs of others and meet them, a person who is not so stuck in their own issues with their own baggage that they can’t see the people in front of them who needs the gifts they have to offer.

So this is goal setting maybe like you’ve never experienced it before.

Are you in? Then, I AM ALL IN FOR YOU!

Stay tuned for Part 2 coming soon and for now, you can download the Goal Setting Challenge Guide here!

​Recently, it was Stevie’s birthday.

I made the mistake early on in our marriage of throwing him a surprise birthday party AT WORK.

Big big mistake.

He doesn’t like birthdays or surprises or cake.

He likes just regular Tuesdays and a nice dinner at home and apple pie.

I was so hurt that he didn’t love how what I had done. 

I made his birthday all about me and I let it be an excuse to prove the story in my head—that he doesn’t appreciate what I do.

I’ve learned a lot about love and relationships and Stevie since then.

So tonight, I’m making steak and risotto and apple pie. AT HOME.

I’ve also learned that the story in my head couldn’t have been further from the truth.

He loves me.  He sacrifices so much for us.  He’s faithful and loyal and steadfast.

He’s stoic and funny and stubborn and loves to live his simple, quiet life with his family.

I didn’t always see it that way because it’s so much easier to blame and create drama and focus on the negative.

Why doesn’t he want to go out to dinner? Why doesn’t he surprise me for my birthday? Why is he so quiet? Why? why? Why?

I used to blame him for my emotions. I used to tell a different story about us.  Until I realized that I’m in charge of the narrative of my life.

I’ve found a few ways that I think will help you stop blaming others for what seems to be lacking in our relationships.

Your relationships are up to you.

You can write the story how you want.

Your life is your responsibility and you lose all your power when you blame other people for how it’s turning out.

YOU are the ONE.  

Here are the 7 ways:

Stop Blaming Others For How You Feel

YOUR thoughts cause YOUR feelings, so nobody can make you feel anything!

Mamas, this is so hard! But we all need to take responsibility for our own feelings.

I’ve had a rough couple of weeks lately, in my own head. A lot of different things have happened–nothing terrible, mind you–and it just got to me. Have you ever gotten into a cycle where you’re just in your own head, you feel sorry for yourself, and you just want to blame ALL THE PEOPLE AND ALL THE THINGS? Finally, I just said to myself, “It’s okay. I’m just having a couple of weeks of feeling a little off. ”

It’s not anyone’s fault. It’s not the fault of the person who didn’t take out the trash or who doesn’t meet my expectations or who didn’t keep that commitment. It’s not any of that. This is all me. And when we acknowledge this:

You take your power back.

Now you can be the one to change your feelings and frame of mind. But when you blame someone else for how you are feeling–mad, sad, overwhelmed, etc.–then they have to change for you to feel better.

Nope.

Nobody is responsible for your feelings but you.

So if you’re feeling off, don’t look other places to find somebody or something to blame. Look inside and figure out why am I feeling this way? What thoughts are driving this? Why am I feeling off?

Only you can own that.

It’s not anyone else’s to deal with or to make better.

Stop Making Excuses

That is, stop making excuses for why your relationships are struggling.

“Well, it’s because of this. Well, it’s because… ”

It’s so easy to do that, you guys.

But I’m here to tell you that it is important to stop making excuses and start taking action to make it better.

You’re the one who can make it better with the way you choose to think, feel, and act. Relationships take one person–one person who decides “I am going to take control and decide how I want to feel about this person.”

So ask yourself…

Do you want stronger, more meaningful relationships?

You don’t even need the other person to do their part. You can create better relationships because relationships are just the way you think and feel about the person, and you’re totally in control of that.

So decide not to make any more excuses and start making it better by thinking the thoughts you want to think and feeling how you want to feel about the person–regardless of what they do, don’t do, say, don’t say, etc.

You decide how you want to show up.

Give Yourself What You Need

It took me so long to figure this out.

I don’t need anybody else’s emotional support. I need to learn to support myself. I need to give myself what I need. I need to take care of myself and then both of us can show up.

Isn’t it beautiful to show up to a friendship where you don’t have any weird expectations? You just show up with love, curiosity, care, and tenderness. You are open to all the possibilities. You don’t need them to do anything.

Why?

Because you’ve figured out what you need and you’ve made sure those needs are met. This means that you show up to relationships fully you and fully present without a checklist of needs that you need to other person to meet.

What is it that I need? I need to take care of myself. I need fuel myself and my soul. I need to have downtime. I need to exercise. I need to eat healthy food. Once I’ve figured out what I need, I am responsible for seeing that those needs are met.

I am the boss of me.

Stop Chasing Happiness In Temporal, External Things

Your contentment and peace of mind is YOUR work.

Other people cannot make you happy. They don’t hold the secret to your peace and contentment.

Neither does money, nor any kind of socioeconomic status.

In fact, nothing external is going to fill the emptiness in your heart.

You were created by God for relationship–with Him and with His people.

When we go about life thinking, “Oh, this person is going to make me happy. When I finally get this house, this is going to make me happy. When I finally get this job, then I’ll have peace and contentment.” We put all this pressure on everything and everyone in our lives to get us to the point of peace and contentment.

But I’m here to tell you that’s an inside job.

You make you happy and then you show up to your relationships, ready to have fun, love, and serve.

Stop Complaining About The People In Your Life

You guys, we complain so MUCH about the people in our lives!

What about making it more fun?

I say to myself all the time, “How can I make this relationship more fun? How can I make it more fun to be with my kids?”

You guys comment on my Instagram stories saying, “Oh my gosh, it looks like you and Tom Tom are having so much fun. You’re giving him such a good life.”

Here’s the thing. I have to coach myself. I have to say, “I could just complain about what I’d rather be doing or I can totally submerse myself in the life of seven-year-old boy life and just enjoy it.” I have trained myself over the last few months to let down my weird adult expectations and complaining and just enjoy him. As a result, I have eyes that see and appreciate all the fun and hilarity he brings to life.

It’s the same with teenagers. Can you just enjoy them? Can you just listen to their crazy music and watch their crazy videos and go, “Oh my gosh, this is so funny. This is so interesting.”

Do you see what I’m mean?

I feel like so often, we bring this heaviness to our relationships when we could just make it lighthearted and fun–just enjoy the relationships we have.

What are you saying out loud about the people in your life and your relationships? Are you complaining all the time?

Go on a gratitude spree.

I want you to message 10 (or thereabouts) people and say, “I’m so thankful for you in my life. I love you. I adore how you do this and I am so grateful for you.”

The other day, I did this for Tom Tom and I wish you all could have seen the light on his face. It was the best. What a precious thing it is just to remind people that you adore and are grateful for them.

There’s a quote I love and it goes like this:

To love someone is to remind them of their magic when they have forgotten.

Who can you remind today of their magic?

Know what will happen?

Not only will you make that person’s day, you are going to make YOUR DAY. You’re going to end up feeling so grateful for the people in your life.

Stop Resenting And Start Forgiving

Give people the benefit of the doubt.

If you could walk a mile in their shoes, you might change your mind about them. Maybe the heaviness that they are feeling, maybe the heartache that they’re walking through, maybe the grief that they’re in right now is so heavy that they’re just doing the best they can.

What if we just stopped resenting people and just started forgiving them?

Not even so much for them, but for us and our holding onto resentment.

What if you just let it all go? What if you just started over and said, “You know what, I’m just going to come to this relationship with love. No expectations, no weird neediness, just love. I just want to show up and look at you and your life and be thankful for how God made you and for the fact that our paths have crossed.”

What if we just showed up like that?

What magic would there be in the world if we just showed up like that?

Take Action TODAY To Make Every Relationship Better

You can make every relationship in your life better today.

Today.

It doesn’t take much. Just give someone an extra-long hug and say, “I’m so grateful for you.”

What messages can you send? What tiny little acts of love can you commit? How can you remind people of the things that you love about them? You can do this for your spouse. You can do this for your kids. Anyone.

Can you step out of whatever it is you’re in long enough to be thankful for the people in your life?

You have the power to change your relationships and you don’t need anything from anybody else to do it. You don’t need them to change.

You can change your experience of the relationship by choosing how you think about them, how you choose to show up with them, how you choose to mull over the things that you love about them.

I reimagined the relationship with my dad after he died. I just decided what an amazing relationship it was, what an incredible man he was, how he loved me in the way that only he could. If you’ve read my book or looked at my life, you know this wasn’t exactly what happened. You can tell the story however you want. It’s true either way. Did he love me? Yes. Was he an alcoholic? Yes. Same thing about your marriage, you can build evidence for your relationships in either direction.

I encourage you today to build some evidence for the beautiful, amazing, messy relationships that you have and go nurture them.

Go take massive action. Go today. Don’t let one more day go by without telling your people how thankful you are for them.

If you want to take your life and relationships to the next level, get on the waiting list for Life Mentoring School, my coaching program. We open back up for a few days in January!