I have 47 posts swirling in my head. But I’ve been hamstrung this week. A few snarky emails will do that to a committed people pleasing girl.
Once in a while, it seems I will inevitably strike at a nerve. I will say something and either the way I say it or the content of what I’m saying comes across as offensive.
I’ve been blogging for four years and during the first two years, I removed several posts because I grew weary of the negative/controversial emails.
I don’t do that anymore. I am not ashamed of who I am.
I can only write my story, with it’s myriad of limitations and biases and faults.
And writing is hard. It takes a lot of time and hefty dose of courage.
Then I start to reevaluate all of it. Is it worth making myself {and my family} vulnerable?
Should I shut it all down and quietly go about my business? Or perhaps I should be more seeker sensitive and write only those things which culture values.
So, I ran a lot this week. And thought about it. And stewed about it. And repented for the need to justify myself. And ran harder. (It’s been good for my workout)
Then, I pulled on my big girl running shorts and decided that I really like being here, in this space.
I don’t take it for granted. I can handle the occasional critic. And though I don’t imagine that I’ll always write here–I do think it’s where I’m supposed to be for now.
I am completely humbled and thankful for the privilege to do this: to write, to make friends, to encourage, to be encouraged.
Most days, I do it with fear and trembling.
There seems no end to the blessings that I’ve received from meeting you here.
So, thank you. I am indebted to you for your unfailing kindness and encouragement.
Please know that this space is where I share my very own personal views and beliefs. Like Lewis, I don’t write to be understood but to understand.
I pray you will leave here with something helpful for your own journey but I will not change my story for you.
I pray you will read with grace and compassion for a woman who is deeply flawed but desperately seeking the life and redemption only to be found in Christ and often to be found in suffering.
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On a related note, I may or may not listen to semi-angry hip-hop and rock music when I’m running. It may or may not be the only thing that will motivate me to make it back to my car. I call it audio-adrenaline. I usually prefer the likes of Eminem and Alkaline Trio (the clean versions, of course) but this was the song of the week for my misunderstood self. I feel vindicated. And tired. Very tired.
Comments closed because y’all are so sweet that you’re gonna run to my rescue and I promise, I’m over it now and I know you’re there for me!
Also, if I remove this post tomorrow (enjoy the irony) , you won’t have typed your comment in vain!
xoxo
mwahhhhh 🙂
peace out, yo.
A big smooch and thanks to dad (Stevie) for being so patient and supportive with all the late nights, missed meals and occasional crabby girls!