This is Day 4 of our 31 Days of Less and More series. To read all the posts in order, start with Day 1 and check out our overview page to see the topics for the entire month.
Day 4 Less Comparison, More Self-Confidence
You will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will find it. ~C.S. Lewis
We’re all guilty of it, let’s just be honest. We look around and see people who seem to have it all. We wonder why we struggle in certain areas, why we’ve been given this particular set of circumstances, why we aren’t more gifted or beautiful, or why everyone else seems to be gliding by so effortlessly. And if we’re not careful, we start to develop bitterness toward the people we’re comparing ourselves to. Find comfort in this: think of the most wonderful, successful, kind, blessed person you can think of and know that she is comparing herself to someone too—and she’s not measuring up. It’s a pitiful cycle that we can all get caught up in and it steals our joy and contentment.
And none of us are exempt.
Actually, the women we most compare ourselves to—the ones that seem to have it all—are often the ones who struggle most with insecurity and self-doubt.
I know an adorable little 16 year old who has nearly every conceivable advantage in the world; she has beautiful, long, thick tresses, she’s a very gifted dancer, she has a charming personality, and is well liked by everyone. But, she’s plagued with self doubt. She’s always comparing herself to others and always feeling inadequate. One day she asked me if I thought she looked okay. She wondered if her outfit really *matched* and if I thought what she was wearing was in style. I told her that her peers were looking to her for what’s in style and that what makes a woman most beautiful is when she’s comfortable in her skin.
But, we all have vestiges of our insecure 16 year old selves, making us doubtful and crazy, don’t we?
Lean in, pretty momma, because I have something important to tell you.
You are beautiful. You are enough. You are just who God made you to be, in every way.
And once you let that sink in, it will slowly begin to change your view of yourself and your interaction with others.
Our tendency to compare ourselves to others makes us more self-centered than we ought to be. And once we settle into our own skin—comfortable with who we were made to be—we can finally stop focusing on ourselves and start spending that valuable energy on how we can best serve and love those around us.
The truth is, comparing ourselves to others doesn’t just steal our joy, it robs those around us of the rare gift of a woman who has learned to give her uniqueness to the world.
Lay down the comparison, the self doubt, the insecurity, and start offering your gifts to the world. We need you.
Day 4 Assignment: Think of that one person that you most compare yourself to. Write down her name. Write down all of her wonderful traits, all the things you think of when you think of her. And now try to imagine her trials and heartaches—the things she’s struggles the most with. Think about what her life might really be like behind closed doors. Pray for her. Maybe even send her a note telling her how much she has inspired you over the years. In other words, be thankful for her and for people like her, who raise the bar for all of us. Perhaps we compare ourselves to her because she has learned to be comfortable in her skin and live in gratitude and service for the people in her life. And over the next month, every time you catch yourself comparing, stop and give thanks, and tell yourself, “I am enough.”
Be sure and check out Ruth’s post on Less Comparison.
We couldn’t be happier to have Crystal Paine of Money Saving Mom joining our challenge this month! Be sure to check out her beautiful story and insight on less bitterness and more forgiveness from yesterday’s challenge.
Love this. I just saw a quote – on FB maybe? – that really spoke to me about this – “Stop comparing your behind-the-scenes to someone else’s highlight reel.” It’s so true that we tend to compare what we know about ourselves to what we perceive about someone else.
“The truth is, comparing ourselves to others doesn’t just steal our joy, it robs those around us of the rare gift of a woman who has learned to give her uniqueness to the world.”
So, so true.
It’s a struggle and just when I think it’s not, the comparison and envy rears it’s head in a very ugly way.
Thanks for this.
~FringeGirl
right on, lady!
we all need to once and for all figure out what it is that makes us unique so we can share it with the world….
LOVE this series.
As a recovering self-loather, the truth of what my insecurity really meant, was a huge wake-up call for me. I was always the one that couldn’t take a compliment or felt insecure at every opportunity until someone at church pointed me to the fact that I was being prideful and I was choosing to listen to the enemy instead of the One that created me.
I still struggle with compliments but I’m really working at feeling blessed and grateful instead of insecure and uncomfortable.
Ahhh, I’m off to pray for you and write you a note. Seriously. 🙂 I love you but you just seem to really have your crap together all the time. I wish I could write as eloquent and heart felt as you. I just have to remind myself of the time you locked yourself in your closet and cried, or the hairball post. LOL. You know I love ya! Great post….you’ve given me a lot to think about. Thanks for helping us all be better wives, mamas, daughters and servants of Christ. Thanks much!! XO, Jess
I could say just exactly the same thing about you, Jess, you lovely lady!!
Sending lots of love your way.
xoxo
Another bittersweet paradox, and every word true.
always love to see you here.
xoxo
That quote from C.S. Lewis really hit home (I love him, too). Every time I think about writing, my corresponding thought is that someone else has already written about anything I can think of to share. I love to write, but I struggle with the idea that I have nothing to offer, which then leads to despair in my everyday life. It is a terrible thing. So, thank you for the encouragement to write (and live) anyway. I actually started a blog this week (perhaps prematurely), and I am going to take these words to heart and trust that God will give me honest, real words to share. Thank you!
(As an aside, I follow you on Pinterest, and all of your home decor re-pins from this morning were gorgeous!)
Awww, thank you so much, Aimee. I’m so proud of you for starting. Don’t let self-doubt sabotage you. Write what is true and He will multiply the words.
Bless you.
xoxo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hsDQEb-qlyM&feature=youtu.be
Amazing how your message today goes with a little video sent to me just 2 days ago. It’s about Who Am I? – Comparing myself with others – especially with FB and all these blogs about amazing women and all they do – can really get me down. My daughter has totally quit looking at these type of things…she just feels inadequate after reading some. And though I do speak as her mother…she is far from inadequate. Women have to fight this. Thanks to you both!!
Oh, thanks for linking it. Can’t wait to watch. Yes, we do have to fight this!!
xoxo
Wow! Thank you for writing this. I needed to hear it today. I love this series that you’re doing and I appreciate all of the time that you’ve obviously put into it. Thank you for letting Him speak through you!
Means so much, sweet Helen!!
🙂
Edie, you’re the best. Why can’t you live on the west coast? So well said. Thank you.
You can adopt me? but I’ll have to bring the kids, the dogs, the husband, the antlers, the boots, etc?!
🙂
Thanks so much, so glad you’re enjoying the series.
It’s been such a labor of love.
xoxo
You are incredible! Loving your blog and feeling blessed that I stumbled upon it!
Awww, you DOLL! Thank you so much and so glad you’re here, Katie.
xoxo
Okay, you are just the coolest woman ever. I love the truth of your words. I’m not afflicted by the “grass is greener” syndrome as I really do love everything in my life, but words…your words!…are the one thing that plagues my self-doubt.
Keep writing please!
Edie, could you do a print of the “you are beautiful, you are enough, you are just
who God made you to be, in every way.” I would love to print this out and frame it for all the beautiful women in my life who never think they measure up. Love your blog. From a fellow Tennessee girl.
That’s such a great idea, Becky. I could probably provide it as a pdf and then you could print it or have it printed?! I’ll check into that. Thanks for reading, you TN girl!!
xoxo
Ditto on all the comments. I’m loving everyday and this one was just what I needed to hear. Thanks
OMG, I feel like you wrote this post for me today! I really needed this! I compare myself to everyone and wonder if I’m good enough – other bloggers, other moms, other wives. Thank you for giving me permission to tell myself that I am good enough because I am me. I am sending you a big hug! That’s how much your post meant to me! 🙂
LOVE this Edie. I’m sending people your way to read this fabulous advice!