I didn’t intend to share this little piece of writing today. But then I thought maybe you were in a storm too.
*******
On a perfectly sunny afternoon, I climbed in bed at 4pm. Not to sleep but to wallow in the comforts of a heavy heart and a good book. Large, billowing clouds hovered over the horizon like perfect steamed milk. Thirty minutes later, the sky got angry. She does that a lot lately as she ushers in sheets of rain and claps of thunder. I didn’t always see it this way but I think she’s trying to give us a gift. Not just the physical quenching of the thirsty ground but a gift to those of us who have lived our lives defying her, refusing her invitations to stop and hear life’s rhythm and heartbeat. She is trying to shake us awake, to the quiet and rest that only come on the other side of her shouting. The storm is an invitation to stay—to sit in her turmoil, to hear her out, to let her have her say. She has gifts to bring to those who come unarmed.
But I usually build walls.
The rains poured out like red hot tears and I know what it’s like to cry like that—to feel the sting of the washing. Like John Grady Cole (from All the Pretty Horses) I feel like a woman who’s come to the end of something. I know I’ll dance in the rain. But not today. Today, I sit alone and obey the seasons of my heart. I couldn’t move if I tried.
****
She rages on for so long. She has my attention but for the life of me, I can’t see anything for days. Just sheets of white hard rain that refuse to relent.
Until.
The tiniest ray of brave yellow light breaks through her stone cold fortress.
The sound is so familiar.
He’s coming for me, burning down everything that separates us. Like I knew he would.
Ashes blow in the wind like the breath of God.
*********************
It’s not your eyes , it’s not what you say
its not your laughter that gives you away
you’re just lonely, you’ve been lonely too long
all your acting, your thin disguise
all your perfectly delivered lines
they don’t fool me, you’ve been lonely too long
let me in the walls you’ve built around
we can light a match and burn them down
let me hold your hand and dance round and round the flames
in front of us, dust to dust
you’ve held your head up, you’ve fought the fight
you bear the scars, you’ve done your time
listen to me , you’ve been lonely too long
let me in the walls you’ve built around
we can light a match and burn them down
let me hold your hand and dance round and round the flames
in front of us, dust to dust
you’re like a mirror, reflecting me
takes one to know one, so take it from me
you’ve been lonely, you’ve been lonely too long
we’ve been lonely, we’ve been lonely too long
Thank you. Just thank you.
Beautiful poetry. Aching as always, but ending with hope just like our Edie. I sure hope you’re ok. I am in a storm too, crippled by it a little but trying to push through routines. A stormy afternoon in bed would be lovely. Much love to you, as always. xoxo
Here’s a hug from texas. Looking forward to seeing you when we come back – there will be little boy smiles and mischief aplenty. Let’s have coffee!
Thank you for writing this.
Thank you. Beautiful writing. Hugs!
Sweet Edie-this is a post you can not read just one time. You need to reread over a d over again until the words soak through to your soul like the rain.
Thank you for always posting the right thing at the right time.
I am growing to love you! You inspire me. Thank you so very much. xo
I thought it was just me, thank you for being vulnerable.
Thank you for this wonderful post! Glad to know I’m not the only one.
The thing about being in the valley is how wonderful the mountain is on the other side. Thank you Edie. Nonny
Heartache often times makes us feel all alone. Thanks for sharing Edie. I certainly needed it.
Thank you for your vulnerability. I think we sometimes come to a place where we will lay everything down to get out of the storm. It is comforting to know I’m not the only one.
This perfectly describes times in my life when the storm raged so violently around me and I so despaired it would ever end. I clung to the ray of hope that is my Savior and He never let me down. Edie, your words never fail to touch my heart….thanks
Thank you for posting! Needed this today! Need to grow!
Wow, just wow. As Ruth said, I’m probably going to read and thread this a few times. It’s right where I am with my secret wall and all. So, how do you take that first step….?
He’s already taken it, Mary. We rest in His perfect grace and repent.
Repentance is the beginning. And the ending. And everything in between.
Sending you love this morning.
xoxo
Who is “she” and who are you defying? What gifts does “she” bring?
Every good and perfect gift comes from our Father…
Just a little confused…
Oh, the dangers of publishing journal entries…..
“She” is the storm.
And yes, all good gifts come from the Father!
xoxo
I guess there must be degrees of loneliness! Years of lonely, not just “times”. That’s loneliness.
Hang in there, Nancy.
Bless you, Nancy.
Sending love and prayers your way.
xoxo
Girl, sounds like what I’ve been going through for a couple of weeks. Thank God He
always carries us through the storms of life and refreshes us just like the rain does
to His beautiful earth!
I’m in a place right now that I’m not familiar with. It’s a little scary, but I know He’s by my side. Thank you for sharing a post you weren’t intending to share.
Southern Gal-you hit it on the head-a place I’m not familiar with. It IS scary. Learning to look more toward Him and less toward others.
Thanks for the beautiful post from the heart, for making yourself vulnerable and for thinking deeply about life… you are not one to stay on the surface, and I love you for it : ) Any girl can relate to your broken lonely day. You should really think about writing country/folk songs. You are good!! love you Edie… hope I get to meet you someday at a conference.
…just wanted to add that if not country songs then you should think about writing a book of poetry… or musings of the female heart… a modern day “Pensees” like that of Pascal (I’m a former French Lit. professor : )). I will pray that God renews your strength today and heals your heart. So glad to read your blog… You always shine with His beauty. Que Jesus te benisse et te garde dans Sa grace aujourd’hui.
Not sure how I happened upon your blog today but I am so very pleased that I did thank you for writing I feel like another has seen into me. I think I’ll go find a quiet spot and cry but the tears aren’t all bad, thank you.
In the midst of the storm Jesus says to me: don’t be afraid, I’m with you, look for me and you will find me. Thank you for your words today!
I abhor the trite.
I deplore the way the mundane rips out the heart of the beautiful.
How the cliche can beat to death the purity of something we SHOULD say often.
Words like “I’m praying for you,” because we say them often, can become trite. Mundane. Said again and again.
And again.
And thus stripped of their purity.
Of their inherently beautiful meaning.
Of their intrinsic Spiritual Worth.
Please don’t read these words as trite, overly said and thus devoid of meaning.
Please read them as spiritually led, as loving truth from the place they were sent by God to inhabit and then to be let go to fly forward to another, to you: These words are true and from my heart. To your heart.
I’m praying for you.
Love/hugs/blessings AND COPIOUS NON-TRITE PRAYERS,
Lana
Beautiful. Thank you.
Beautifully written! Thank you for sharing!
Like a hug from Jesus himself, couldn’t have come at a better time. xx, k
I hear ya lady. Been there, done that.
So touching and so needed for so many. Grace and Peace. Thank you.
Timing- is everything-
Thank you Edie-
This is all too familiar. May the tears and the rain wash you clean. May the breath of God breathe new life. And may the tiny rays that shine through cast the beautiful rainbow of his promise. Love to you, dear one.
Edie, you’ve inspired me for years! Waaay before I started my own blog. Sometimes when I’ve crawled under my comforter with a book on my favorite kind of rainy day I ‘ve thought about my inspiring people–like you– and said to myself, “She’s probably in the kitchen cooking or knitting or reading a book to her children or painting her bedroom and I should be, too!” This has been a difficult year for me. Thanks for this word today–the encouragement and the permission–to stay and sit and hear “her” where I am. You always, always bless me.
A rare bird you are my dear; a beautiful face and a beautiful heart.
One thing I know: God will get you through-not somehow, but Triumphantly!!! He has done it so many times in my life, is working in my storm even now.
i understand being “walled up” in seasons.
it’s an extra vulnerable place for girls like us because people in our lives are used to us bringing the happy and the party and the everything fun.
the truth is, i don’t always know what to do with it either….but i’m learning to look at it and then lay it at the cross and let the work be done in me. surrender is sweet.
laying you at his feet this morning…thanking Him for his deep and unending and saving work on your behalf.
My daughter told me about your blog last night. I was born and raised in Rogersville. So good to find a blogger near home. We live in Greeneville now. Of course I have been in Bean Station a lot. I had a great uncle who lived there and we used to visit him often. Have a good day!
Your blog is filled with beautiful words.
Blessings!
Sue
Beautiful but sad yet uplifting words. Wonderful reminder. I like the images of storms and renewal. God bless you Edie.
Beautiful truth. God is constant, ever-present, and draws us to Himself. His handiwork is stunning; too much for words, at times. Sometimes – just tears.
Thanks for sharing.
you’ve done a wonderful job! ( love your blog!) and an awesome mother and there’s room for new things in your life and this is certainly it, it can only get better:))
Been there too. Learning to be content with loneliness. With God’s right to say no, to ‘take away.’ Learning to find God’s love and blessings and healing in the midst of heartache and longing. It’s been an ongoing journey (sweetlybrokengirl.blogspot.com) but I wouldn’t trade it for anything because it’s driven me ever closer to the only One that can really satisfy. Take care and keep up the God-glorifying work.