I did everything I was supposed to do.
Three years. Three complete rewrites. Countless sleepless nights. Many editors.
Finally, one hard truth given to the world as a gift—the spoils of my adventures into the far and dark country of my past.
I wrote my story, I did the hard work of telling the world about it, I did speaking engagements and videos and blog posts and all of it, and now I was finally done.
I felt so relieved when the last t was crossed—relieved to not talk about it, at least for a while.
Writing my truth and sharing it it had at times reduced me to a little girl still waiting for her Daddy. I began to feel bare and alone and vulnerable. I cried most of the month of September.
I was thankful and relieved and even healed by the telling but I also wanted to stop reliving it all in my head every time someone would ask about the book.
Two days after I fulfilled my last scheduled obligation, I was waiting for my lunch at a cafe and a friend told me she’d read my story.
My heart sank. I didn’t want to talk about it. I wanted to the be the person who taught about essential oils or the person who made really good beef stew or the person who blogged about decorating. Anything but the girl who was fatherless and unspoken for, I wanted to be anybody but her.
A few days later, I got this email that went something like this,
Your book wrecked me. I read it one day and couldn’t stop crying. For the first time in my life, I don’t feel alone. I have hope that God can heal me too, for the first time ever. The bitterness I’ve carried is melting away. I could feel it leaving as I read. Please, please never regret writing your story. It has been a lifeline for me. Please pray for me, that God will work the same miracle in my heart.
That email was like a punch in the gut to me.
I had fallen so easily back into victim mentality. Hadn’t I known completely that God would use my story to minister healing to others? Hadn’t I believed Him for that? But here I was, wallowing in weird self-pity. Poor me, everyone knows my story now, wonder what they think….All those dumb thoughts that can so often keep me too focused on my own self.
You probably have a catalogue of them in your head too. And they keep you from really sharing your whole self with us.
I publicly want to say thank you to everyone who has written me about this book because your words have kept me honest and reminded me why we all need each other. You’ve kept me open and vulnerable and willing to keep sharing.
I’m imagining you struggle too, with being okay with who you really are. Maybe you’re ashamed of your story or fearful of sharing it because you so want to fit in or be liked or be anonymous.
I don’t think that’s what you really want though.
But your Father made you to be alive and free SO THAT you can spend yourself for the sake of others.
You want to tap into real power in your life? The power to really help another human being? It’s in your story. Your struggle, your pain, your weakness.
Your story doesn’t steal your power, it is your power.
It’s the reason you’re here.
And none of it is by accident, it is by design—the design of a God who loves you and is for you and wants to see you live in full passion and freedom. But you can’t do that when you deny so much of who you really are.
Share yourself with us. Be generous with us. Trust us.
Stop hiding behind your job and your status and your wealth. Or stop hiding behind your doubt and insecurity and victim mentality.
You are not a victim. You are an amazing child of God with incredible resilience and a Father who wants to use every piece of your life as a sacrificial offering to others.
Your struggle and your hurt and your past are where the magic and the power lie.
Don’t hold back the gift of your life, of the real you, of the you that has known untold heartache.
Share her with us. We need her so desperately. She makes us know we’re not alone. She gives us courage and hope. She makes us brave. She makes us feel safe.
Because a woman fully alive bearing witness to the grace and mercy of the God in her life is a power this world seldom sees and it is a power that serves and heals and blesses and shares and comforts and leads and surrenders.
Bring us your gift. It’s what you were made for.
************
All the Pretty Things is available for purchase here. It would make a great gift for someone with a painful past.
As a long time blogger, I struggle with the personal side of telling stories. It’s a goal for the new year 🙂 I’m glad I found your blog and bought your course. It’s on my “To-Do in 2017”!!
Thanks for sharing.
Your post brought this song to mind “Redeemed how I love to proclaim it, redeemed by the blood of the lamb, …” Telling our story shows the power of Jesus in a changed life. I loved how you said it to enable us with strength to spend our lives serving others.
I witness your woundedness in my own daughter (and sons) and your story gives me hope that the Father of all who believe will use their stories. I pray that he fills all the gaps and their pain will drive them into His word.
I read you book and thank you for the telling of it. The parts that were hard to share show the miracle of God’s grace at work in your life and the lives around you. Thanks to Stevie for sharing also. I love how the both of you rejoice in Holy Communion, God’s soul food for our lives.
I just discovered your blog. I’ve always considered myself to be a storyteller, but I cannot figure out what story God has in mind for me to share now. My husband lost his job three years ago…and our savings is almost gone. My friend at church says God is giving you a story to tell soon, one of faith and full restoration. I hope she’s right because from my POV, we’ve lost hope.
After reading this post, I’m considering being honest about my struggles with food with family members who seem to have zero issues with food/weight. Maybe I just need to be the one who goes first, because everyone wrestles something. Thanks for being brave!
Edie, your book was very well written and is a hard story, but you told it beautifully. I’m sure it’s difficult to open up and let people in like that. But, I hope you are comforted knowing that your story will touch many lives and help heal wounded hearts everywhere.
I took your Overflow course over the Summer and am loving my bullet journal! I’m still working through “overflowing” to those around me. It’s a goal of mine to work on ministering in my own backyard and starting with my own people.
Thank you for reminding me that that’s the best place to start!
Edie,
Loved your book … miss your frequent blogging stories!!! … share the same background as you … born in Morristown, alcholic father, college in
Johnson City, love of decorating and art, (wish I had gone to medical school) … God in my heart … truly wish that your story keeps the fire in some
women going … to believe that all things are possible … almost forgot to tell you … thanks for your honesty too!
Your story reminded a lot of my own. A father gone too soon from my life. He lived a life for the Lord, and after my Mother divorced him I seen him turn into something I didn’t recognize. He turned to alcohol, and not a good choice for an insulin dependent diabetic. He died at the young age of 57. However, a hero in my life because he insisted my brother and I learn about the Lord and we did every Sunday and Wednesday of our young life and how in the world would I have handled my Fathers turmoil without that? Besides that- he would not help me buy a car at the age of 16 ,with my little job at McDonalds, unless….it was a straight shift. And I’m here to tell you I love a 5 speed car and theres not many of my close friends who share that attribute. I love my Father for many things, but I truly chuckle and have so much pride in that fact alone- I wish I still drove a straight shift, but I do not. I have to constantly remind myself that I am loved by the Lord. Seems at times I deal with curses, if you will, and have to get the devil off my back. Thank you for your story Edie….Love