Death is to lose the earth you know, for greater knowing; to lose the life you have for greater life; to leave the friends you loved, for greater loving; to find a land more kind than home, more large than earth. ~Thomas Wolfe
Seven years ago this month she made one of the hardest decisions of her life. She remembers it like the anniversary of a death. She was sitting in one of her own exam rooms, hashing out the options of leaving her medical practice for a time. Her nails were perfectly manicured and she was dressed to the nines. She had a lot of help at home, she brought home the bacon and cooked it too, she had fewer wrinkles and was more carefree. Seems to me she had everything. People called her doctor and she tried to live up to it.
She decided to come home and some days she grieves the loss.
She traded doctoring for writing.
She gave up money for a different kind of treasure.
She turned in her white coat for yoga pants and a ragged ponytail.
She looks hard to see any evidence of the woman she left behind.
Then, she remembers that healing comes in all kinds of ways. And sometimes words cut deeper than steel.
Either way, someone’s always bleeding.
Absolutely beautiful.
“…Man I ain’t changed but I know I ain’t the same.” Love it. It took courage to leave your profession to come home to your family. I’ve been following you for a few years and you should know that you are still helping people out here Edie, we just didn’t make an appointment. You might not make the same salary but you are still living the dream. Love you!
DITTO to Tiffany B..
“Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.”
There will never be a shortage of wounded spirits and broken hearts in this world. You are still healing people, Edie, one thoughtful word at a time. Perhaps your understanding of physical pain helps you see more clearly into hearts and minds and souls.
this precious comment pretty much sums it up.
You’re still be used to heal…
Well, thank you, again. I needed to hear this today as I contemplate hard choices. Thanks for being bold and shining your light on the rest of us.
I believe whole heartedly with Tiffany! You are still a healer and a helper! I appreciate your “gifts” so much! Bless you sweet one!
Beautiful. It takes such courage to make big changes. You’re very inspiring.
~FringeGirl
Really lovely. I’m a new reader but I can tell you I continue to come back b/c you inspire, uplift & encourage & for that I am grateful…truly! Some people always settle for the easy way or road & you were courageous to leave your “helping” profession for sure! You have helped me as of recent as I am in between jobs (not by my choice) & your lovely writing keeps me company during the long days of job hunting! It’s clear you heal, help & inspire many on a daily basis! 🙂 It’s wonderful that you are using your godly talent this way.
You are still in the healing profession! I left my teaching career to rear my two children. I do not have a retirement now…but I have very responsible young adult children…who would be there in a nanosecond if I needed something. Sheila
*SHE* made the right decision. There are no perfect decisions. You, my dear, are a blessing to many!
Do you know that whenever I think of you and all your talents, the last thought is pretty much always: *AND* she’s a physician!
You do amaze me, partly because I was once convinced–having been raised in a very creative and crazy family–that creativity was something that just didn’t really mix with those left-brained, science & math smarts. I know now that is just silly, but as a girl who nearly failed high school biology I just have to say that you are an anomaly to me. A really cool anomaly.
Cheers,
Heather
I, too, left a position in medicine (nursing) a year ago for a move (to Tennessee!) for my husband’s career. God has not yet provided me with a job but instead has led me on a life-changing walk in the wilderness. I miss my professional life, my paycheck and the beautiful patients in my oncology center, but wouldn’t have missed this time of discovery for anything.
I stumbled on your blog recently and have come back so many times to hear God speak to me through you. Your writings on vocation and calling left me awestruck and were words that God needed me to hear. Grieve your loss and don’t feel guilty, but please know that God is using you in a mighty way in your second career!
I left a teaching career after my son was born in 2012, but I’ve never mourned that loss. Instead, I sometimes feel guilty that I love being at home so much more than any professional position I’ve held. I’ve been so blessed by your writings on calling and vocation – so thankful that you took that leap.
I left my veterinary practice 3 years ago. When friends ask me for medical advice on their pet, I get back into Dr mode, pulling out my medical texts, examining their pets, and all at once I miss it so. However, my degree will always be there for me when my girls are grown, and I’m ready to return. Last week my bank called me. My daughter answered and came rushing out to get me ….. “Mom! There’s someone on the phone for you, and they called you Dr!!” To them, I’m just Mom, and for now, I’d take Mom over Dr anyday 🙂
Beautiful. I left my medical career too. Sometimes I look back and feel a little “something”. Not regret but something like a pinch. I know my life is richer and fuller being a stay at home mom but sometimes there are what could have beens(yes, those pinches)and I allow myself to feel them for one minute (after all, I am still human). But I could say that most of the time there is content in my decision. My 3 year old boy doesn’t believe I’m a doctor. 🙂 And when i put a band-aid on him I know am not being a doctor but a mommy…and that makes me feel good.
sister!
i love it.
And look at {her} now showering us with such grace every day.
I can only imagine what that was like. I enjoyed working and have days when I think it would be “easier,” but I don’t want to miss these days and ever look back with regrets. I’m so glad I discovered your blog recently!
I love what the previous women have said about you still healing. I love your site and what you say. I gave up a full time teaching job to be a stay at home mother. Now as my daughters are grown and mothers themselves, they’ll call me and say, “I remember when we did this or that mom,” and the memories of what we did because I was at home bless me daily.
Edie, I left my job a year and a half ago, sick as a dog with Lyme disease. In order to fill my time, because I am limited in what I can do because of the pain, I read several blogs daily. I just found you a couple of months ago and what a blessing you are to me! Let’s be honest….you can only make so many hair bows or read so many recipies. I enjoy the substance of your blog and the way you make me think deeper about what you have written, long after I read it. I understand how you miss what you left behind. But, I’m not so sure you really are not a writer in a doctor’s white coat. Thanks for taking that leep. I’m sure the good Lord recognized the work you did as a healer and the work you do now as a mother, wife, writer and disciple.
Sweet…and I can identify with the loss at the same time I hold onto the blessing…all of life is this tension…I also left a perfect part-time teaching gig teaching all honors classes at a small private Christian school to be home w my three babies bc I sensed life is fleeting…there is sacrifice in all of our hard decisions but bc Our Saviour modeled it, I trust that His fruit follows… I applaud you for sharing truth…our world doesn’t want to talk about sacrifice but it is so fundamental to our faith…My word for 2014 is sacrifice;) and unpacking what that means…. Mandy
It is about our choices, isn’t it? Open one door, shut another. This is our journey and we are led where we must go. Thank you for writing so honestly for all of us.
{Kathy} I have an enormous amount of respect for you. You are a shining example to women and mothers everywhere that “having it all” means making “it” your family. Congratulations on this tremendous loss….for the largest gain.
…. it’s one thing or another. Is one more important than another??
I wipe the drool from the chin of my 19 yr old special girl, serve my husband some hot soup after a rainy workday (he’s fighting cancer)..talk to my married daughters when they call for recipes or cry for prayer… boy, I miss them. Wonder how my boys are doing… wonder if there is something more I should be doing?? Should of done?
I try to serve…stumbling after the One who came to serve.
And receive His grace.
Guess we just need to do what’s in front of us and believe if it’s not the right road, our loving Father will surely get us on it.
Thanks for writing…. you make me think.
Yes, Laurie! Do the next thing. Love the person in front of us.
Bless you in your days.
Sending you lots of love!
Hi Edie,
I admire your writing and style! It is deep and encouraging (your writing that is :)! It is strange to me how much we have in common. I also left my work as a doctor when we had our son. It was a huge sacrifice, but then, so is raising a family who loves and fears the Lord. I hope the Lord honors your sacrifice and fills you daily with fullness of joy as you write, mother, and sow into your family and so many others.
Thank you so much for that, Andrea.
Bless you in your sacrifice.
Mucho love,
edie
You are not alone. I to left my medical practice several years ago to go into real estate and focus on my family. I get sad at small times when I recall dressing to the nines but I wouldn’t trade being at my kids school when needed, playing taxi driver and laughing at their laughable stories for absolutely nothing. Peace of mind is priceless and all we really have is Time
OH, the hours I spend in the car!
But I wouldn’t trade it for anything either.
Lots of love,
edie
I’m struggling with this very same question right now. Once again, you have brought me to me knees. xo
Praying for you, Tonya.
For guidance and peace and grace.
xoxo
Thanks so much Edie, for always sharing your heart! I recently turned down a great job at a top company because I believed that I was called to be home with my kids, despite my husband’s recent career change that will pay him no salary until he reestablished clients. I often waiver on whether that was the sane decision. Thanks for reminding me of what is important! Love that you allow me to share in your life through your blog! Thanks Edie!
I always waiver! But I take great hope in knowing He uses us in spite of ourselves.
Bless you and yours!
xoxo
ah the choices that we make.. we never know where they will take us, but we go. Selfishly i’m glad you started writing this blog because it sure has had an impact on me. It’s all good 🙂
Awww, thank you sweet Kelli!
You have stuck with me a long time.
Much love, friend.
xoxo
Hi Edie,
Thanks so much for opening your heart, once again, to us. You are in “the highest calling” of your life and doing a wonderful job, I might add. God has gifted you in so many ways. You are still in the healing business with your wisdom words that you pen each day. We soak them in! I understand how you feel when you “look back” sometimes…but time is fleeting and your girls will be all grown up one day and then you will clearly see the fruits of your labor of love in them. <3
Press on my friend,
Cindy~
OH, the years are fast and blurry.
I know you’re right.
And thank you for so much love and support.
All my love,
edie
Edie- I have read all of the previous comments- There are always lives we add to and change and shape for the better. (hopefully) I can share how much you have added to mine. There are days I have raced home to be able to settle in somewhere and sit down and get still, with you and read, listen, learn, grow, laugh, cry and think. I am always astounded how someone who is over 757 miles away from me, that I’ve never met in person (yet!) can have such a profound effect on my life in SO MANY ways?! Wow- I am eternally grateful that I was introduced to you not so very long ago- (from a link Jeanne Oliver shared about books to read and a post by you about why I won’t be reading 50 shadess of grey- I had not even heard of it) Did you really lose it? I guess it all depends on how you view it. I am going through something similiar myself right now. As always, your post zeros in exactly where I am at any given moment- Thank you for your honesty and all your bring to the table. I have yet to leave unfulfilled. Big Hugs- and Love-
Well, now you’ve gone and got me all teary eyed.
Thank you SO much.
Sending you all that love right back.
xoxo
“She” has blessed so many through her words that carry such edification, grace and love. I’m thankful she chose the path she’s on now.
*She* adores you.
🙂
Edie,
I think doctoring gave you insight that you use in your writing. You are still nurturing–with words. I’m one of the (many) people you’ve touched with your writing, and I am (selfishly) glad you chose this path.
Well, thank you. I think you are right.
He doesn’t waste any of it.
xoxo
Just because you can do something does not mean you should, I for one am very glad you followed your heart.
You are so right. And me too.
Love you.
xoxo
Thank you for following God’s leading and your heart. You have blessed me and many others by it. You are deeply appreciated. While I do appreciate your recipes, I come back for your faith.
I found your blog right after you had the house fire. I had to “visit” the friend that everyone so admired and prayed for during that Christmas season. I prayed for your family, too.
I am excited to see what God is doing in your life.
Thank you so much for the love and prayers, Donna.
What sweet encouragement.
Much love!
xoxo
You always amaze me….and inspire and encourage and comfort…..the list goes on. I hope someday you will write a book about your life. For such a young person you have experienced such highs and lows and twists and turns. Like Donna says, I appreciate your recipes and decorating tips, but your faith is what keeps us all coming back ♥
Awww, thank you Martha.
Pray for that book to become a reality.
I’m working on it as we speak.
🙂
And even now you reach so many, and bless them. With your writing, sharing your heart, your wisdom, and your life lessons, you have touched lives and hearts.
Thank you for opening yourself to us here.
Love to you, Ruth.
You are such an encouragement to me.
My doctor left her practice, but the healing did not leave the Artzt.
http://www.rettungsdienst-blog.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/Arzt-im-Dienst.jpg
You are such a blessing to me, Pastor.
Miss seeing you.
Praying for you.
xoxo,
edie
love it and I totally get it. thanks for sharing!
What a tough choice. I have wrestled with it and chosen opposite, for now, for a number of reasons. I would love to hear your thoughts on actually giving up $150k a year though. Did you save up beforehand? Rely on your husband’s salary? You seem to have a good standard of living. I know these can be tough things to talk about so I honestly hope I don’t sound rude. It’s just a reality for a lot of people!
Yes, and it’s been my reality for most of my life and probably will be again. For now, we’re able to do it because my husband’s job allows it and for that I am very thankful. I don’t think God wastes any of it though. He uses all of our experiences to shape us and train us to see the needs of others and meet them as best we can. I know you are doing wonderful work for your family. We must all trust that God will take what we have to offer and multiply it to serve his precious ones.
Sending you lots of love,
edie
🙂
p.s. not rude at all and we actually just cut our spending way down, which was pretty extravagant at the time. less vacations, less keeping up with the jones, etc.
I love that– God doesn’t waste any of it. What a good thing to remember when you have doubt. He is always working through us (not in spite of us).
I left a big corporate job to stay home with my daughters. I am wrapping up my seventh year of homeschooling. I feel a twinge of loss at times; wondering how high I would be on the corporate ladder. I look down at my yoga pants, un-manicured hands and bulky sweatshirt and have flashbacks of when my days were spent perfectly put together. Your post made me realize that these feelings are normal, shared and ok. I so appreciate that. I also realize that we are all where we are meant to be and the gifts we pick up along the way seep out to others. By your simple words you have definitely healed my heart tonight. Your ‘doctoring’ still goes on:). Thank you.
I pray for that, for all kinds of healing to continue.
Thank you, Kimberly.
And bless you on your path.
Boy, do I know how hard that is.
Much love.
xoxo
Your smiling face and cheerful personality have been missed. You are often thought about and always remembered as a great, caring doctor, beautiful lady inside and out. After saying all that I have to say how much I have enjoyed reading EVERYTHING you write. All your pictures, decorating tips, recipes, watching your children grow, and your recent trip to Ikea. One of my favorite places.
As a life long Lutheran you really touch my heart when you write about God’s grace. Keep up your inspiring blog. You are touching so many peoples lives!! God’s blessings.
So much love right back to you, Barb. I was so blessed to work in the BEST people in the world and I miss you guys so much.
I’m thankful for both experiences and I don’t think God wastes any of them.
Your words have so touched me.
xoxo,
edie
E~ I love how your posts can range from hilarious to dead on serious, but each one so thought provoking and soulful. I have so admired you as you make a career out of making your home a ‘home’, a.real.home. with thought, love and spiritual influence that makes me want to be more like the Proverbs 31 woman. Bless you, friend, mentor, and stylist! In this season of your life may God go before you and after you as you live in His will! Love you!
You are dear to me.
Love you.
xoxo
Oh Edie! I so needed this understanding today. Bless you!
you made a tough decision for your family….
….and we are ALL the better for it!
We never know the full “domino” effect of decisions and choices that we make until we reach Heaven. But sometimes, God gives us a glimpse, and, OH!, the joy in seeing how we shared God’s love.
Beside…$150,000……it’s only green paper 🙂
Hope you continue to be blessed!
I know. Sometimes you can’t help but wonder what if. What if I had chosen differently.
I’m so thankful to be right here.
Thank you.
xoxo
You are such an inspiration!!! I was wondering the same thing as another commenter, How did you prepare for it? Did you save up? How did you know when it was time to leave? Is there any chance you will ever go back to that profession? I love you right where you are at! You are such a blessing to so many others! xoxo
Edie,
I stalk your blog but have never commented. This resonates so much with me because I too am/”was” a family physician (trained in TN) and am living life at home with my kids in workout clothes and I sometimes forget how easy life was when I went to work, ate drug rep food, and wore nice clothes! I miss the connections with patients but I am trying to create something much more beautiful with my kids. Thanks for your thoughtful post.
~Meg
Yours words are healing!
Your bio left me in tears all night…through these words,
surrendering to God’s direction in my life was ok.
Thank you.
Edie – I too left a “dream corporate job” and high salary to care for my aging mother-in-law. When she died suddenly I was stunned with my decision and it’s impact on our lifestyle. Your blog has ministered to me so many times during the past 5 years as I find fullfillment in starting a new career in pediatric nursing and enjoying our home and simplier life. Your writing and creativity inspire me to pursue my faith in new ways and love on our family and neighbors with lavish hospitality. Thank you.
I feel you, sister. I sobbed big fat crocodile tears when I resigned from my professional position. Practically heaving out the words “I’m resigning but so happy.” (Was that a question mark or exclamation point at the end….probably both.) Knowing I was answering a greater call, but still mourning the loss of my old dream. My new dream wasn’t pretty on the outside. It broke me down bit by bit, but has built me back better, different. It continues to break and build. I am blessed by the bumpy journey and can’t even picture my old life now.
Doctor Doctor
You still serve – just a new kind of patient. Thank you for sharing your heart here on the blog. I’ve been blessed by so many of your posts and your willingness to be HANDS & FEET not only to your family at home but your blogging family as well.
I am living proof, that investing in the ones God lovingly hands to you (your husband/children) pays off. I can see the time spent loving & training in each of my family members lives. So can others.
I’m forever grateful that God …… let me be a part of it!!
Beautiful…
You’ve written a lot of beautiful things here, Edie, but there’s something about this post that feels especially tender and brave. Thanks for sharing from that sacred, vulnerable place. It really speaks to those places in my heart. Hugs from a Texas-turned-Tennessee girl.
1st time to comment
I am in my late 50’s
Read your blog every day
I care for my 3 year old grandson 2 – 3 days a week
My daughter works for her fathers successful company and attends school for her 2nd degree at nights
I come home to my husband cranky, tired, worn out after doing her dishes, laundry, and whatever else needs doing including the animals
BUT her little boy is sunshine
I hope I have a long lifespan to enjoy his joys
My son is 20 and a couple of days do not go by without him calling me, he is in school and also works for his fathers company
Please remember it all comes full circle
The way I look at it is God has a plan and we are to follow
Bless You and all you do for all of us
I’ve only read your log a few times. That said, this post left me wondering what would be involved if sometime later you want to return to medicine. What would you have to do if later in life you decided, for whatever reason, to return to medicine?
I did the same, 14 years ago and instead of a death I feel like it was a birth. The birth of the next level of me. Coworkers were very upset about my decision, “Don’t you know you’re going to lose your identity?!”
Quite the contrary, I found it my identity. I have no idea what the future holds, but for now I am exactly where I want to be.
I saved my last pay stub, every couple of years I run across it. I have a surreal chuckle with myself and then file it away again.
Oh Edie, this was a timely message. I “left” nursing to care for my Mom after she’d been struck by a car. After working in long term care I just couldn’t see my Mom there. I left that full time job for the new “position” that lasted 16 yrs. My Mom went to be with the Lord 2 yrs. ago. I struggle now with returning to nursing. I know I was called to be a nurse 25 yrs. ago. I so identified with that role that now its hard to not see myself as a nurse and yet I can hardly imagine retraining and returning to such a demanding career. Actually, I do foot care now. I’m crying as a read the beautiful replies of fellow readers and feel like it just might be okay to let it go . Thanks for sharing your faith and your family with us.
As many others have said… you’re still healing, just in a different way!
(and your ponytail never looks ragged… you always look beautiful!)
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I can so relate!! (Minus the doctor part, haha…I was a graphic designer.) It’s been 8.5 years for me, and *most days* I wouldn’t trade it for anything. 😉
I was waitlisted last year for medical school and I’m trying to decide whether to apply again. I am a non traditional student, and I have a daughter. Is it worth it to become a doctor with the way medicine is going? Can I pay back my loans? Is it the right choice? Life is full of difficult decisions. You’re inspiring, than you fir this blog.
Found your blog today while trying to get some ideas about homeschooling… Saw this post. Wow. I work as an Emergency Med provider, hubby is a SAHD, and we are thinking about homeschooling next year. So nice to know there are “others” out there who value discerning God’s will for their family over status. We must each die to ourselves to be born anew.
Wow, thanks so much for sharing Thomas Wolfe’s words and your post. I’m so moved. Finally, after years of giving God “after this job” I’ll give my life to your calling, I’m finally doing it. I’ve been hearing God’s pull to go full out and serve Him and follow Him since I’ve graduated college but I was always making Him wait. The last job was it. There was not a day when I sat behind my desk that I was not “miserable”, I felt completely hollow and empty, and I knew clearly what I needed to do but I worried about the finances. When I got laid off a year ago I knew that was the end for me. And just mere days ago I finally said the prayer God wanted to hear from me, “Lord I’m not going back to work. Provide for me for I know you can and let me do your work.” I heard Him say, “I’ve been waiting for you to tell me this.” And wouldn’t you know it, He is providing. As I knew He would. Haha. (Oh, me of little faith!) And I’m actually getting excited to see where He’s going to lead me next. Thomas Wolfe’s words moved me, “for greater knowing…for greater life…for greater loving…” in short, thank you so much for your post today. You have blessed me. May the Lord continue to bless you and your family His peace and joy.
Love every little thing about this, Brave Lady.
All the love right back to ya!!
I too gave up a prestigious career 12 years ago. Some days I feel like that women never existed…like she was just a figment of my imagination. So many of the current people in my life never knew her.
Your’re awesome. Thanks for making the hard choices and being so honest!