She buried her head into my neck and cried red, hot tears. She already feels the sting of life and we sit in her bed and bear it together. It might as well be the weight of the world. Joy unspeakable awaits her, but so does heartbreak. How do I tell her that this is only the tip of the iceberg? How do I teach her what I’m still trying to know?
I protect her and love her and I listen to everything she doesn’t say. She looks at me with eyes that know. She needs my truth and my story because her battles will be impossible sometimes. She will know loneliness and loss and betrayal. She will walk through fire and hard rain. She will know heights of joy she never thought possible and the depths of sorrows unspeakable.
This is what it means to be a woman—covered in roses and babies and secrets and pain.
So, I sit awhile and teach her to be a mother; to nurture and love and serve, to show kindness and mercy in a world hell bent on hate and greed and death.
I stay. I tidy up the room, but always I stay.
And she mothers me, too, in ways she’ll never know.
***************************
You’re covered in rain
You’re covered in babies, you’re covered in slashes
You’re covered in wilderness, you’re covered in stains
You cast aside the sheet, you cast aside the shroud
Of another man, who served the world proud
You greet another son, you lose another one
On some sunny day and always stay, Mary
While the angels are singin’ his praises in a blaze of glory
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the place, Mary
She leaves her fingerprints everywhere
Everytime the snow drifts, everytime the sand shifts
Even when the night lifts, she’s always thereJesus said Mother I couldn’t stay another day longer
Flys right by me and leaves a kiss upon her face
While the angels are singin’ his praises in a blaze of glory
Mary stays behind and starts cleaning up the placeMary you’re covered in roses, you’re covered in ruin
you’re covered in secrets
Your’e covered in treetops, you’re covered in birds
who can sing a million songs without any words
You cast aside the sheets, you cast aside the shroud
of another man, who served the world proud
You greet another son, you lose another one
on some sunny day and always stay
Mary
(Patty Griffin and Emmylou Harris)
This post is so poignant and beautiful, Edie. Having a sixteen year old daughter, I can completely relate to your heart for your girl. Oh the joys and sorrows we bear as mothers… the bittersweet joys of bringing and giving life. Thank you for sharing your heart. Blessings!
again, Edie, you say it beautifully. the heartbreak that comes with the realization they, too, will have to endure what this life throws at them…
And, I love that song…what a perfect pick.
Love Emmylou and Patty collaborations
So hard…so very hard. I love that you said you are teaching her what you are still trying to learn yourself. Me too.
Joy and pain…two things that refine us to be a stronger person. Beautifully written. I love Patty Griffin and Emmylou Harris and your taste in music. I’m curious if you ever listen to Amos Lee? He has a new album coming out soon with Patty and Emmylou collaborations on it.
Thank you for this…I love Patti…have seen her several times live and mothering my oldest girl…who is 8 going on 25…has SO been on my mind and heart….feeling so vulnerable with loving and guiding her in this broken world….I think just being present and praying is HUGE…blessings to you and yours….Mandy
Beautiful post! Brought back bittersweet memories…our children’s angst is so hard to bear, we want to be that wild, crazy mother and lunge at anyone who dares to hurt them, but the reality is that we have to help them navigate through the sadness of life and find the joy.
This post really moved me. Beautiful expression of motherhood. Thank you.
Your post could be a song. So beautifully put. I can so relate with 2 daughters of my own. Thanks-W
Wow Edie I so appreciate your writing and your beautiful insight on all the things in life that matter the most to me too. You took me from the joy of a weekend with the girls at a Taylor S. concert to the reality of those moments when we feel so much pain for our kids it can be unbearable. But those happy times sustain us. Thank you for this.
Thanks so much for this. I feel this every day with my daughter. I just want to wrap her up and protect her from all the bad. But the bad is all part of it too. I really love your blog and you sound like such a great mom 🙂
Having my two girls totally changed my life and I try day after day to teach them love and compassion and to see beauty in what is very often an ugly world. I want them to know great joy but I also want them to be able to look reality in the eye without great fear. Trying to balance these forces of nature seems so hard and most days I feel as I am a complete and utter failure but then one of them will do something to not just help themselves but to show love and compassion beyond their youth and I am amazed. So I think you are so right that we are still learning in our own right and may we continue to do so because that is the way we stay young.
She is one blessed girl to have a mom who will always stay.
I love your perspective on this. I love how you aren’t so worried about the fixing of whatever is wrong at the moment, as you are trying to instill a sense of the bigger picture and showing her that you are there. Mine is only seven, but I can see it coming on the horizon… Bless you Edie, thank you for sharing!
Beautifully written. I’m not a mom yet, but I love my relationship with my own mom and it reminds me of times we spent together when I was heartbroken over boys or even lost girl friendships. Patty Griffin’s music speaks to my soul. And a shout out to Austin City Limits – grew up watching/listening to ACL my whole life 🙂
Give me a skinned knee any day. That seems to be the mantra I am singing every day. Marriage, careers, fertility , job changes, life partners, Godly men….. Skinned knees are much easier to fix and we can do it. These other things we can’t always fix. Those are lessons for us too. To let God… Wow difficult yet teachable times for all. Knowing you healing and comfort will be given. There are songs to sing and boots to buy! Love ya friend!
oh friend. we always stay don’t we?
i love this. i love your mama heart for your baby girls.
Mothering a daughter one of the biggest challenges and blessings in life. We love them so much our hearts nearly burst and we want to shield them and protect them from anything that will break their hearts but in the end we know that we must let them spread their wings and fly. We will be there to hold them and love them, cheering them on and covering them with prayer.
ohhhh! One of my favs:)
Such a beautiful song – one of my favorites. Lovely tribute…
Grateful that you are able to share this so eloquently Edie. THIS IS THE (TRULY) IMPORTANT STUFF OF LIFE.
Great Big Hugs, Trudy
Love this one Edie. Being a mom is tough stuff and I’m in the depths of it right now…two of the three are kicking my can but I’d rather be here than anywhere. I have a whole new understanding, empathy and appreciation for my sweet mom. I just regret that she’s gone now. Love you friend! xo, Jess
Edie I just love your blog, your insights, your heart. I am so enjoying following you. I have 3 sons so I am on the edge of my seat when you write about being a mother of girls. I can only draw on being a girl – haha. I LOVE my sons, so blessed by a BIG God to have the honor of raising and loving my boys. God Bless you today!
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