i am overwhelmed and exhausted and inspired.
blissdom was amazing. again.
i’ve missed my friends so much.
they are the most generous, amazing, smart, caring, compassionate, creative people i know.
i am blessed to sit among them and share their stories. we laugh. we cry. we marvel at how tightly our hearts are knit together.
even across the miles. and even across the lines—– of race and age and religion and politics.
i’ve never felt more at home than in their company.
and we learned from some very wise and bright minds that it really comes down to relationship.
what is blogging about? relationship
why do i twitter? relationship
facebook? relationship
and guess what relationship requires?
that we are willing to make ourselves vulnerable.
period.
that we are willing to need someone else.
that we are willing to say so.
that we are willing to be hurt.
because the willingness to be vulnerable is where relationship lives.
the question is: are you willing?
i am thankful for a group of women who are willing.
to share their stories and their gifts with us everyday.
i won’t take it for granted.
i will read with more understanding.
i will give the benefit of the doubt.
i will ponder what a privilege it is to do this.
i will do it with fear and trembling because true joy lingers near the willingness to be afraid.
but to give of ourselves anyway.
thank you for risking it.
“…we are losing our tolerance for vulnerability…..in our culture weakness is synonymous with vulnerability. Vulnerability is absolutely at the core of fear and anxiety and shame and very difficult emotions…but it is also the birthplace of joy, of love, of belonging , of creativity, and of faith. And so it becomes very problematic when as a culture we lose our ability to be vulnerable.”
author and speaker Brene Brown
ps. on a related note, i did pretty okay (only teared up a few times) until the last day. then i lost it. cried like a baby when i told patty and jessica and brooke and ruth and nester and emily and melissa and ruthanne goodbye. and might i say that true friends know what to do with vulnerable. they respect it. they nurture it. they embrace it. they understand it. because they live there too. and they blaze a trail for the rest of us to live from our broken, vulnerable selves in the safety of true friendship.
pss. i’m working on finding some fun stuff for my entryway (here at the rental house and to be moved to our house once it’s built) so if you have any inspiration photos for an entryway, please send them my way. i’m looking for a console table, a great lamp, a rug and some awesome accessories. thank you for helping me get my *stuff* back.
xo,
edie
*more to come on my excursions i hope. but today, we’ve got a full day of school and i’m starting karen’s photography class. wish me luck!
Edie, meeting you in person was one of the highlights of Blissdom for me. I think you set the standard in your willingness to be vulnerable. You’re a shining example in that way and in so many other ways. So I was really glad to get a few of your hugs in person!
Thanks for your insight. I am afraid to be vulnerable, therefore my friendships are lacking. No one knows my hurts and struggles. After all you have been through the last couple of months, I pray your example will inspire me to step out and risk getting hurt.
oh my dear! it was so great to see you and your beautiful smile! luv u!
You nailed it. Can I just copy and paste your post. 🙂 Ha. I’m so glad you incouraged me to go, and I’m so glad you made it even in the midst of your situation. I’ll always have these fabulous Blissdom memories and I’m so inspired by all you Godly women. Thanks for everything Edie. XOXO.
Thanks for this reminder this morning. My facebook status line this morning… “sometimes I wish I had really thick skin and other times I want to be full of compassion and a soft hard… can’t have it both ways”. I needed your reminder today to have the courage to be vulnerable. Because being vulnerable means getting hurt… being vulnerable means being misunderstood… being vulnerable means a few ugly cries but being vulnerable also means relationship… love… and grace. Thanks Edie!
It was such an honor to meet you in person! You are as beautiful and kind as everyone says you are.
Bless you!
it was one of my highlights to meet you at blissdom.
i found your blog a little over a year ago, when you were making all those cupcakes for blissdom. throughout this past year i have laughed, learned, cried, been inspired & learned more about grace then ever before.
thank you so much! you are a living example of your blog title. thinking & praying for you & your sweet family daily!
you are one beautiful person inside & out!
it was an honor to give you a hug.
xoxo
from another Tennessee gal.
kellie
You are so lovely in person – taking time for each person that wanted to talk. Truly compassionate. So welcoming. Thanks for being real.
So glad you had an amazing time. And the theme of this post? That’s exactly why I read the blogs I do. When you are real (vulnerable) it shines through. Hope you learn much from the class.
I always find relief in being vulnerable; without it my life has no depth or sincerity and seems so empty. Your willingness to be genuine is what makes your writing so rich. It is real and touches our hearts.
Such beauty and strength in realationships with friends. I am so HAPPY for you to have had this time. Your photos are beautiful and you look AMAZING. I sent Patty this little quote in an e-mail from CS Lewis. I am sure you know it, but it is worth repeating. “Affection is responsible for nine-tenths of whatever solid and durable happiness there is in our lives.” C. S. Lewis. I am so happy that you have such wonderful and amazing friends like Patty and the other ladies you mentioned from the conference. They are the ones that hold you up in times like these because they love you and they know you would do the same. And you do. Love you Miss Edie! You are one amazing lady!
I’m so glad that you went and that you had a wonderful time…
I’m also glad that you found a safe place to cry and be real…I’m sure it was healing for you…sure of it.
And, you are SO RIGHT about blogging and facebook and on and on and on…it’s about relationships.
Only God can forge real friendships among people who don’t live life together in the daily grind.
You will love her class! I took it last year and need to reread it all. Have fun.
I am willing…..
to be vulnerable
to listen with intent
to comfort and be comforted
to bask in others joy
to cry out loud, even in the presence of others
to be touched….to the deepest parts of my heart
to let God use me in ways I’ve not been used before.
I am willing.
Thank you for your inspiring post. I wanted so badly to go to Blissdom this year, but couldn’t make it, but next
year I’m gonna hug your neck! 🙂
Blessings
Missy
My Cottage Charm
Those are such lovely pictures of very beautiful ladies! Wish I had been able to attend. Unfortunately, living in Japan makes it a bit difficult! ha! Maybe one day! 🙂
So glad that you had a wonderful time at Blissdom! Thanks for sharing your photos and the message of relationship and vulnerability.
I agree with your post. Blogging and facebook has brought me much closer to old friends and introduced me to new friends. It is so comforting to know I can reach out and touch someone with a sentence or two or they can do the same for me. Always look forward to reading your blog. Very inspiring and genuine. Keep up the great work.
What a great post. I’m so glad for you that you were able to attend Blissdom. You are such a blessing to anyone who reads your posts and I’m sure to your friends. Wishing you a wonderful start to a new week! I’m taking my first Photography lesson tomorrow…. So anxious for it!! Enjoy your class today…
To be vulnerable, open, allowing others in~sometimes to the deep places where you hope no one will ever enter. It is difficult, a journey, a New England road with many potholes. Never easy, always plodding, trying to make it through. Why is it so difficult to allow others in?
I am so glad to hear you had a wonderful time at Blissdom. I love all the photos. Still wishing I could have been there. I will be working it out for next year and hopefully I will have a chance to meet the many amazing bloggers who inspire me daily and give you all a great big hug.
Hugs,
Ruth
So happy you had this time to heal and refresh and soak up the love that is out there for you! Can’t wait to see what goes on in the rental…new page, new chapter, new life! Go for it Edie!
Hey Edie!
Not sure what I was (obviously) horrified at the moment that shot was snapped! 😀
Me and my crazy facial expressions ruin too many pics!
Anywho- it was SOOOO awesome seeing you again, and I’ll continue to pray for you and your family as you pick up the pieces this year. LOVE YOU!
Hey Edie!
Not sure what I was (obviously) horrified at the moment that shot was snapped! 😀
Me and my crazy facial expressions ruin too many pics!
Anywho- it was SOOOO awesome seeing you again, and I’ll continue to pray for you and your family as you pick up the pieces this year. LOVE YOU!
i have one of us with Rhoda that was on my second upload. i’ll send it to you.
you are such a blessing.
i just love you and am so thankful for the privilege to know you.
you are beautiful.
much love,
edie
Such a great post! Blissdom was inspiring!
Amazing women! Looks like a wonderful weekend. I love what you took away. That it’s a privelege to do this thing called blogging and about being vulnerable and making those friendships. Sometimes you need a reminder of why we spend our time and energy sharing so much. Wish I could have been there. I would have loved to have met you in person:)
You lucky girl! Have so much fun in Karen’s class!
It’s so hard to be vulnerable. That was very a inspiring post and I’m so glad you’re willing to put yourself out there for us to witness God’s work in you through such a difficult time. ♥
☺ Celeste
What a quote! I’m still kind of chewing on the truth of it.
Glad you enjoyed our time away. Thanks for being an inspiration.
-FringeGirl
i’m still overwhelmed by it all.. still soaking it in… still learning the messages i heard, but didn’t really grasp. i am eternally grateful to you for bringing me into this world. loveu
i’m still overwhelmed by it all.. still soaking it in… still learning the messages i heard, but didn’t really grasp. i am eternally grateful to you for bringing me into this world. loveu
yeah….so glad it was so wonderful for you…I’m sure all involved were blessed! GOD is good…pb
Edie, I’m so glad I was able to find you and see you in person and know, for real, that you and your girls and your family are going to be OK. It makes me happy knowing you were, as Alli likes to say, loved on!
so happy to hug you again. you have been such a blessing to me.
xo,
edie
Lovely Edie, it was so wonderful to meet you. I showed up at Blissdom without a clue what to do or who to talk to, and then I saw you standing there, the one lady who has inspired me more than any other in the past year. And you hugged me, welcomed me with open arms and not a second thought. You’ll never know what that meant to me. Thank you for bringing me into your circle of wonderful friends, you are truly a gem, and I am better for having met you. XOXO, Ruth.
the feeling is completely mutual. meeting you was such a blessing and encouragement.
so grateful this morning for what we were able to experience together.
love to you,
edie
My heart is warm hearing your words today. I struggle like crazy with vulernability. God is tugging at my heart to be brave and one baby step at a time I am obeying. Courage builds courage so thank you for giving me a dose of that today.
So glad to see you smiling.
xoxo
Thank you for sharing these thoughts! I’ve been pondering the idea of vulnerability lately – especially as it relates to blogging – and it’s inspiring to hear the same thing coming from someone else.
🙂
Actually this post deserves this:
🙂 !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I’m truly thrilled for you to experience such joy.
Joy begats joy, Edie. You synergistically create it, give it out and receive it back in a wonderful CIRCLE OF LIGHT!
And I’m so glad you wrote this post on being vulnerable. I just posted on Bella Figura/Figuraccia (beautiful image/bad image) and really laid myself bare as to immense fears/medical issues with our big move.
It’s so hard to do that, but life is so short and grace and faith are rich with soul-bearing, vulnerable heart-sharing encouragement, so I plunged ahead. So I choose grace and faith and vulnerability.
And thus I’ve tried to reach out to a few folks like you, even though sometimes it’s so much safer to just lie in my sick bed and pout.
But there would be no joy in that!
So, yes, vulnerability is beautiful.
Joy is beautiful.
YOU are beautiful!!!!
Love always/blessings/hugs/turquoise joy,
Lana
you always make my day. will visit your post soon.
love you,
edie
i got the box of goodies.
you are so good to me.
i can’t thank you enough. i am so humbled by the gift of you friendship.
love you.
thank you.
xo
edie
For a really cool entryway, go to http://www.hgtv.ca & search for last year’s renovation project from Sarah Richardson, a Canadian designer. (For some reason, I can’t cut & paste the link.) It’s red & colorful & cozy– I heart this entryway!
Shar
Glad you had such a wonderful and soul-stirring time at Blissdom. It’s great to have such wonderful friends!
Woo hoo for Karen’s photography class. I have been counting down the days until today, waiting for it to start.
I am so glad you went and had the opportunity to be surrounded by so many beautiful women!
Edie,
So glad you had this wonderful weekend! How great for you! You look FAB! If you have time (haha), I would love to hear your methodology for teaching creative writing skills to your girls. I wrote about what I am doing on my blog today. I am hoping to get some good advice for how to improve. My son wants to be a writer, so I am trying to be a good steward of his gifts/talents. (www.goodbaduglyandall.blogspot.com)
Just inspired again. I think meeting you was the highlight of the conference for me. That is all.
After seeing all of the wonderful things that everyone that went to Blissdom have said about the experience and since I only live about 20 minutes away (if it is in Nashville again next year) I am making it a goal to work towards to be there next year. Hopefully my blog will continue to grow and I will be able to meet some of the people that have been so inspiring. Speaking of that, I linked to one of your posts because you said something that absolutely resonated with me about raising children. Number one, I wanted you to know I linked to you and number two….but the most important….I wanted you to know that your words came to the right person at the right time….thank you for that. I hope I can meet you at Blissdom next year. Here is the post that is linked to you…. http://www.decoratingisbliss.com/2011/01/25/making-lemons-into-lemonade-and-forgiveness/
Have a great day!
Sharon
This is perfect.
What a wonderful post…. that’s something I need to work at…being vulnerable…it can be such a scary thing but I am trying (albeit slowly) to open up more….time will tell!
I clicked on the photography class link….that is something I also need to work on…my photography skills. I have a camera I love but other than setting it to ‘auto pilot’ I pretty much don’t have a clue how to use it *sigh* The class is sold out but I will check back the next time it is offered and hopefully I will be able to squeeze in and learn.
Have a truly blessed day
p.s. I love Pottery Barn, BHG, and The Inspired Room for decorating inspiration i.e. your entryway.
Edie, I am soooo happy you had a great time at Blissdom! It has been so fun to see all the pictures and read all the posts about the fun everyone had! I am especially glad that you were able to be there this year!!! While I’ve never met you in person, or talked to you via the phone, or internet….I feel like I know you. And my heart just broke for you when I heard of your loss. I think about you often, and I love to read you blog and see that you are still here…..enjoying life, taking it one day at a time! Hugs!
have i told you lately that i love you….
friends=love
Edie, I have been so touched by your blog since I found it. Actually, it was a few days after your tragedy, but I found you through one of your designs and then discovered the news of your tragedy. To begin with, how can I not express to you how sorry I am for what you and your family have been through, but am so thankful for the blessings of your family being okay and the support you have found in so many places. Something about you reminds me of my best friend, your unabashed use of color, both in your clothes and your home, your smile, just something. You have been in my thoughts so many times this last month.
And now you have given me a gift. You are so right. I have been unwilling to be vulnverable, and strangely enough, mostly with the people who I know if person. I have told very few people about my blog. I realize now, it is all about vulnerability. Thanks for the insight. Still may take me some time, but the first step is realizing what the first step is.
Many blessings to you and from you,
Laura
karen’s class?!!! awesome!
i am so excited for you!
wishing i was in those pictures at blissdom.
🙂
love you edie.
i love that you are vulnerable.
it’s what makes me want to be your friend even more!
i can’t deal with people who can’t be vulnerable.
who can’t trust.
who can’t love the real me.
thank you for that.
i love seeing your smile in those pictures too!
Stella! You are grooving! hmmmm. maybe I will play around and find some fun entry pics for you. What colors/style are you thinking???
– {darlene}
fieldstonehilldesign.com
oh you know me, an eclectic mix of evera-thing.
i did see a pic with a kelly green console that was awesome but now i can’t find it again.
i’m all ears (?eyes)
thank you.
xo,
mucho love,
edie
oh you know me, an eclectic mix of evera-thing.
i did see a pic with a kelly green console that was awesome but now i can’t find it again.
i’m all ears (?eyes)
thank you.
xo,
mucho love,
edie
Edie, I’m so glad I got to hug you in the hallway and catch up for just a bit. You are such a warm and caring person & it always shows thru. Speaking of vulnerable, my post today is full of it. Blissdom was just what I needed for a little getaway. Love you girl!
Your words really spoke to me. I feel so ashamed about building a wall around myself. It’s especially hard to be vulnerable when those around you have walls as well. Thank you for being vulnerable; it really is a shining example.
EDIE …….I AM HAPPY FOR YOU THAT YOU WERE ABLE TO ENJOY YOURSELF AND STILL YET TAKE AWAY SUCH HEARTFELT WORDS WHICH WILL BE VALUABLE FOR YOU TO CONTINUE TO GROW ” LIFE IN GRACE ” SO THAT IT WILL REACH ITS FULLEST POTENTIAL ….. WHEN I FIRST BEGAN MY BLOG I HAD ( AND STILL HAVE ) NO IDEA WHAT WOULD COME NEXT, BUT ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED FROM BEING ONLINE ( AND BELIEVE ME I CAN’T EVEN BE LABELED A NOVICE THAT IS HOW LITTLE I KNOW ABOUT THIS MACHINE IN FRONT OF ME )…..BUT AS I WAS SAYING ONE THING I HAVE LEARNED FROM BEING ONLINE IS THAT VULNERABILITY IS AN ESSENTIAL TRAIT WHEN WE ARE POSTING AND ALTHOUGH THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING CAUTIOUS OR GUARDING ARE HEARTS, THIS TRAIT CAN TAKE A BACK SEAT TO PRIDE …… PEOPLE HAVE A TENDANCY TO PUT WALLS UP AND PRETEND EVERYTHING IS OK……… BUT I OFTEN TIMES REFLECT ON THE SCRIPTURE IN THE NEW TESTAMENT , ” MY GRACE IS SUFFICIENT FOR YOU , FOR MY POWER IS MADE PERFECT IN WEAKNESS . THEREFORE I WILL BOAST ALL THE MORE GLADLY ABOUT MY WEAKNESSES , SO THAT CHRIST’S POWER MAY REST ON ME . THAT IS WHY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, I DELIGHT IN WEAKNESSES , IN INSULTS , IN HARDSHIPS , IN PERSECUTIONS , IN DIFFICULTIES . FOR WHEN I AM WEAK , THEN I AM STRONG . ” 2 CORINTHIANS 12:9-10 …………… RELATIONSHIPS ARE NECESSARY FOR US AS HUMANS ,AND OUR ROLE MODEL , THE MOST VULNERABLE ONE OF ALL , OUR LORD JESUS , TEACHES US THIS THE MOST ……IF WE DO NOT ALLOW OURSELVES TO BE VULNERABLE AND BOND WITH ONE ANOTHER THEN WE ISOLATE AND KEEP TO OURSELVES ( JUST WHAT SATAN WANTS US TO DO ) ……. SO TO BE VULNERABLE IS GOOD ……VERY GOOD ……PRAISE THE LORD FOR SISTERSHIP IN CHRIST JESUS AND HAVE A WONDERFUL NIGHTS REST ……P.S. I WONDERED IF YOU HAD HEARD OF THE WEEKEND IN OCTOBER CALLED ” THE RELEVENT CONFERENCE “…..I MAY CONSIDER IT
i’m loving seeing and hearing all about blissdom. and vowing to go next year. peace.
Hi Edie! Stumbled across your blog somehow although I don’t remember exactly how/from who… And am just getting caught up on some commenting this morning. Wanted to say that I love it and will continue to follow. Your courage, strength and faith under adversity and trial has been a blessing to me and many others. Will be praying for your family as He rebuilds you. Much love from California!
Thank you for giving me the courage to be vulnerable this morning.
http://sjpolmanfamily.blogspot.com/
Much thanks,
Jen
That’s our girl….I for sure believe you have your groove back!! Much happy to you!
Good to know you had a time of refreshment and renewal. Have fun in your photography class Edie! And as always your are gorgeous!
Blessings!
Dear Edie….when I saw you at Blissdom, I had to contain myself a bit before running over and introducing myself. I was the girl who was supposed to have come to your open house back in the fall and couldn’t at the last minute (a huge regret of mine) and I was also the girl who was afraid that if I said more than a few words to you at Blissdom, I would have burst into tears. I felt so silly….thinking “she doesn’t even know me…who am I to cry about her struggles?” But that’s what we learned isn’t it? About allowing ourselves to be vulnerable and open. Because of your openness on this blog, I feel connected to you (we all do). And my heart (all our hearts) broke for you in December. I am honored to be a blogger because of bloggers like you. Love from Knoxville!
I’m glad you had a restoring (and fun) time.
It’s a great lesson for all of us to learn–sometimes sharing the things that make us vulnerable are the hardest, but they’re also the things that seem to bring us the connection to other people we all need. Blissdom sounds like it was wonderful! I’ve never gone to a blogging conference, but I’m thinking I may need one! 🙂
I am so happy for you. I sometimes wish I could blog, but I believe it is a real calling…that I haven’t heard. I sorta tried once and that was it. For now, I am a contented reader and supporter of blogs. Thank you for heeding your call Edie! I look forward to the adventure of your rebuilding, on many levels.
Sincerely, Trudy
Hi Eddie,
It is a pleasure to read you again. I am amazed how wonderful you are!
I discovered your blog recently but have learned so much already.
I wish I could help you more, I wish I’d be on the same continent…. I have a great console table in my attic, a family piece, quite old but I find it so beautiful, true and authentic. Not sure you would love it, but I would give it to you if….. Take care.
so glad you got to go and have a great soul-feeding frenzy! Keep blessing us woth your blogging! God Bless.
~Jenn
Thank you so much for sharing with us what you learned from blissdom. Vulnerability. I have been blogging just a little over a year now. That is so true. We put ourselves out there. But it is also true that relationship is worth the risk of being hurt because in every painful moment there are beautiful blessings to be found and often it is our relationships that help us discover the blessings.
Hi Edie, I’ve been absolutely haunted (in a good way?) by Brene Brown’s lecture on vulnerability. Thank you so much for posting it – I wrote a post of my own about it and I so hope that others will be as touched by it as I am. A million thanks. Love, one of your many blog lurkers.
It was a pleasure to meet you (again) – and to eat your fudge. Thanks for being your sweet vulnerable self 🙂
I love all the pictures. What a wonderful weekend you all must have had!
I loved watching Brene Frown on youtube. Amazing!
You don’t know me….but i’ve read all of your archives and I just wanted to tell you what an inspiration you are! Thanks.
Thanks for shareing and being vulnerable. It was so wonderful to meet you at Blissdom. Definitely a treat. You are so strong and inspiring. I look forward to getting to know you better through your blog until we meet again. 🙂
thank you Marian, such a treat to meet you too.
bless you 🙂
edie
I just found your blog and just found on a DIFFERENT blog, your news. PLEASE forgive my other comments. 🙁
((HUGS))
awwww it’s okay priscilla, it’s always fun for me when someone is digging around in the archives.
thanks for reading and bless you.
no apology necessary.
thanks for the hugs!
xo
edie
Thank you so much for writing this. It’s something I dearly needed to hear . . . because I needed the reminder. Have a wonderful week . . .
Ooooooh, I am so bummed that I missed you! I had to head back Thurs morning and was so wishing I had met you. Beautiful pictures!!
Wow.. Edie is inspiring and reminded me of why I love the blogging community. Thank you!
you are beautiful. always praying.
I enjoyed your perspective as always! Can’t wait to share your excursions!
The single best moment of Blissdom. There were two women sitting on chairs in a conference room. You looked up. Sunshine in your eyes. Warmth and compassion and GRACE overflowing – all around you. And you said my name. And I got to meet you and hear your voice. And tell you how much I respected you.
And this – where vulnerability meets love, “true friends know what to do with vulnerable. they respect it. they nurture it. they embrace it. they understand it. because they live there too.” YOU are a wordsmith – and better yet – a portal of Grace – a singer of God’s heartsong.
I am honored, really honored to have met you.
Thank you for being even more “Edie” in person than you are in words.
God Bless and Keep You
and Yours
The single best moment of Blissdom. There were two women sitting on chairs in a conference room. You looked up. Sunshine in your eyes. Warmth and compassion and GRACE overflowing – all around you. And you said my name. And I got to meet you and hear your voice. And tell you how much I respected you.
And this – where vulnerability meets love, “true friends know what to do with vulnerable. they respect it. they nurture it. they embrace it. they understand it. because they live there too.” YOU are a wordsmith – and better yet – a portal of Grace – a singer of God’s heartsong.
I am honored, really honored to have met you.
Thank you for being even more “Edie” in person than you are in words.
God Bless and Keep You
and Yours
I’m so glad you were able to be there!
What a sweet post! your friends are lucky to have a loving appreciative friend like you =)
Reading your blog i pictured you are beautiful inside and out..
your kindness is a blessing.
thank you.
grace always 🙂
edie
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I am sincere I’m just a little shy at first, however willing to speak more when I know someone free. Additionally it is necessary to know the specificities of every Asian nation. As communities of coloration throughout the nation continue to be besieged by violence and retraumatized with every new tragedy, I’m directing my vitality toward our collective wellbeing, leaning into our shared, time-worn rituals for communal mourning, care, and safekeeping. The combination of violence and fetishization is a part of the history of being an Asian girl on this country. I tried every one in every country throughout my travels (while writing my Asia Nightlife Guides). And whereas I don’t benefit from the brazenly gross habits I encounter in my life – from the catcalls to being grabbed on the train – that’s less insidious than this masked fetishization that hides behind reverence. And while feedback like these would possibly annoy me, they aren’t the ones that make me nervous.